Hey, it's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and life you love, and this is Q&A Tuesday.
Today's question comes from Miss Heather and she writes:
"Hi Marie, I <3 you.
Thank you for bringing uplifting guidance to my inbox every week.
Here's my question, I'm married to a successful entrepreneur who I love dearly.
I'm also an entrepreneur just starting a new business after six years in real estate.
I welcome my husband's business advice but sometimes I'm just like 'Can you shut it already?'
I compare myself to him enough as it is.
When he questions my ideas, I get upset and defensive.
He's a great guy and only trying to help, but it's causing tension.
Do you have any suggestions for keeping the peace in our relationship while we both try
to run our businesses in different ways?
Thanks, Marie."
Great question, Heather.
You are not alone.
So many couples struggle with this and you're right; it can be tough when both of you guys
are building businesses.
Here are four questions you can ask yourself to help relieve the tension.
Question #1 -- Are you being a business tease?
You may unwittingly be leading your husband into a trap by baiting him.
Here's how: when we hear someone that we love is struggling with something we're expert
at, we naturally want to go in and save the day.
It's human nature; it's how we're wired, so your husband's desire to fix it is a very
natural response, which means dangling your business issues in front of him and then rejecting
his advice is a little bit like walking into the bedroom naked saying "Yoo hoo" and then
getting pissed if he wants to get a little.
Now I understand that you may want someone to just listen and emphasize, someone you
can just talk it out with, but his natural response is going to be to offer solutions
are give advice.
If you don't want that, you have to be very clear every time that you bring up business
that you're looking for someone to just lend an ear and not give you solutions.
Question #2 -- Are you suffering in silence?
Now, if he's the one asking questions and offering unsolicited advice, but you haven't
said it bothers you, it's time to end the silence now.
Here's a loving and direct way to tell him, "thanks but no thanks."
"I love you—you're so good at what you do and I know you're only trying to help me,
but somehow I find myself getting upset and defensive when you give me business advice...
"You're not doing anything wrong—but honestly, I compare myself to you because of how successful
you are.
"Again, you're not doing anything wrong and your advice may be spot on, but for the sake
of our relationship—I'm going to ask you to keep business advice off the table unless
I directly ask for it."
The best part about this script is it can open up a meaningful dialogue for both of
you guys to move ahead.
Question #3 -- Are you trying to outman your man?
Heather, my darling, I got a little bit nervous when you told me how much you compare yourself
to your husband.
That tells me you're probably pretty competitive with him and in my experience, men don't want
to compete with their wives especially in business.
That's a very masculine kind of energy and if you spend too much time in that masculine
mode trying to outman your man, not only is it going to exhaust you because you're a lady,
but it's also going to kill the spark in your business and in your bedroom.
You can still be driven and ambitious but stay in your feminine.
Remember, your husband wants to see you succeed.
He wants to see you happy.
You don't have to beat him or compete with him to do it.
Question #4 -- Are you being a silly Billy?
If he's great at what he does and he's offering good advice, are you just being a little silly
here?
He wants to give you something that most other people have to pay for, plus you're missing
an opportunity to have him feel good.
People, especially men, love to feel needed.
So, take a look at your heart and honestly ask yourself "are you being a little silly
here by saying 'no' to his input?"
There you go, Heather.
That was my A to your Q. Now I'd love to hear from you.
Do you take business advice from your spouse?
Do you take it willingly or does it cause some tension?
I want to know.
As always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go
there and leave a comment now.
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