-Our first guests tonight
are "New York Times" best-selling authors
and the hosts of "Desus & Mero,"
which airs Thursday nights on Showtime.
Please welcome back to the show
our friends Desus Nice and The Kid Mero.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Gentlemen, this is my favorite kind of week
because I have already seen you this week.
-That's right. We're revisiting.
-We're revisiting. Yesterday, we filmed something
for your show, and you took me to a New York institution.
-One of the top cultural landmarks
in all of New York City. -And based on the name,
I think people who don't live in New York
would be surprised this is a New York City institution.
-Right. It sounds like a regional place, but it's not.
It's international and in our hearts.
-Where did you take me? -We took him to Dallas BBQ.
-That's right, baby. [ Laughter ]
Dallas BBQ. Know what I'm saying?
-And if you're not familiar with Dallas BBQ,
it's where you can get a 64-ounce margarita.
-Yeah. -Why would you want
a 64-ounce margarita on a Tuesday morning at 11:00 a.m.?
-Well, that's what we drank. Everything --
It's Texas-style, is how they describe it.
-Texas-style.
-They -- you could not lift these with one hand.
-No, no, no, no, no. -It's like holding a newborn.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-You really work out your arms. -Really did.
-There's so much sugar in the drink --
that's why they do it -- so you can curl the drink
and burn calories. -And often they come with
test tubes with an additional shot of alcohol.
-That's right. But to keep it classy, the small umbrella.
-There was a very -- yeah, there was --
we had a lot of umbrellas littering our table
at the end of the day. And I will say,
and I talked to both of you backstage,
I feel like my hangover was way more from the sugar
in the BBQ drinks. -Oh, yeah.
-Absolutely. -Oh, yeah, absolutely.
My pancreas is gone. It's gone.
-That was your favorite of the organs!
-I always bragged about it. -Yeah, I'm so sorry.
-I like my appendix. -But you know what?
You are a great person to go drinking with.
-Thank you. -You can handle your liquor.
You're not a lightweight.
-Nope. -Give it up for our guy Seth.
-Thank you very much. [ Applause ]
I don't know if that's great.
-I don't know if that's great, either.
-I don't know. -It's like, "Eh, you drank
a gallon of Long Island iced tea."
-It's cool when you get old and you can still drink
like a 19-year-old, yeah. [ Laughter ]
Last time you were here, we were talking about Eric Adams
and the potential that he would be our mayor.
He's our mayor. How do you guys think he's doing?
-Uh, it feels like we elected a club promoter.
[ Laughter ] -It does.
-He's my favorite mayor so far that has their ear pierced.
There's nothing wrong with that. -Yeah, that's true.
We got that going for us. -He's also one of the only
mayors I feel like could bust into a big D.J. session
in a nightclub. So I'm looking forward to that.
-You guys have both said that he basically governs
like someone who only has 24 hours in New York City.
-Yes. -Yeah.
It's crazy how many places he is over the course of one day.
-He just goes everywhere. It's like he gets invites
in the e-mail that you would usually be like,
"Eh, I don't want to do that."
He's just like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes."
-He's liking the invites in his spam box.
-Yeah. -He might show up
at your kid's bar mitzvah. You don't know.
-He was at my kid's sixth birthday party.
I don't know how he got the invite.
-And then he wanted five minutes, right?
He wanted to make a speech about the vision.
-And then he left with the bottle he came with.
[ Laughter ]
-Of Similac. Why'd he take the Similac?
[ Laughter ]
-Obviously, a lot of people,
both who live in New York City and don't,
know that we have a problem with our subway system.
But there was a recent improvement made.
There was $30 million spent on a stairway.
-Yeah. -Yes.
-Were you guys excited about this new beautiful stairway?
-Super excited. -It's what we needed.
-It's just another very long stairway
for you to get masturbated on by a homeless person.
[ Laughter ] Know what I'm saying?
-I mean, some of us wanted new trains.
Some of us, you know, wanted safety.
But they was like, "No. Staircase."
-Staircase. -"Enjoy."
-"Hey, man! You know that song 'Stairway to Heaven'?
Stairway to the Q train, bro." [ Laughter ]
-Do you guys feel like there's any solutions
to our subway problems here in New York City?
-Like, I don't know. Like, spend some of the money
that you guys have in your coffers?
-Probably depends what we think the problem is.
Is it trains running late? Or perhaps --
'cause the other night, I was drunk on a train,
and I was like, "There's a lot of rats."
So if we release cats to eat the rats...
[ Laughter ]
-Your solution is more cats?
-You'll hear more about it when I run for mayor.
[ Laughter ]
-Let's not give it away yet. Let's not give it away.
[ Applause ]
Just like, all of a sudden, just that beautiful stairway
and just thousands of cats descending.
-Meow! -A lot of track fires.
-I talked to you guys about this yesterday when I saw you.
You had a fantastic interview
with Denzel Washington on your show.
And what was wonderful about it, it was a side of him
that I feel like we don't see that often.
He's obviously a very serious man.
He's one of our greatest living actors.
But he mostly just talked about different train stations
in the Bronx with you guys.
-That was not Denzel Washington the actor,
that was Denzel the New Yorker. -Yeah.
-It's a whole different Denzel. -"I'm D from Mount Vernon."
[ Laughter ] -Did he warm into it,
or did he show up like that immediately?
-He just came in there, 'cause he knew we're from the Bronx --
BX all day -- and he's from Mount Vernon,
which is located right above the Bronx.
So he already felt that energy that, you know,
if you're not from New York, it's the worst energy
you can ever see.
It's when two New Yorkers link up together in a room.
-Oh, yeah. -You're gonna hear a lot of loud
and a lot of, "Hey, we got pizza in New York at 4:00 a.m.
You don't have that down here."
So, he just comes in, and it was like hanging out
with your uncle.
He was just, like, so conversational and just warm.
-Very chill. He walked in, he saw the bodega,
he's like, "I recognize this environment.
My guard is down." -And then everything
Denzel says, he says it with a certain gravitas,
so even if it's not serious, you have to take it
really serious 'cause he's like, "If you gonna get coffee,
get it light -- or sweet." [ Laughter ]
You're like, "What?" [ Laughter ]
-All right. -You just be on the train home,
like, "Denzel, got to get it together, bro.
Can't be mixing these two."
-"Can't have a fluffernutter with no peanut butter."
[ Laughter ]
But he says it with the grav-- You know what I mean?
-Yeah. -He says it in, like,
a "Training Day" voice. You're like, "Oh!"
-You're like, "Okay, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, no, it's peanut butter and marshmallow stuff.
Yeah, you're right." -You guys did not have Rihanna
on the show, but you did have a baby shower for her.
-We did. -That was very nice.
-You know, 'cause we did that thing where you throw people
a baby shower that they're not invited to.
-Yeah. -So she didn't show up.
-Did Eric Adams show up? -I think so!
-He's there. He's still there.
They already broke down the set, he's still there.
-He was the one that pointed out Rihanna didn't show up.
'Cause he was handling the guest list.
-There you go. -But you know Rihanna.
-Yeah, I've been -- you know, I had a wonderful --
I went day drinking with her,
much like I did with you two gentlemen.
And it lives in my memory.
-Do you go day drinking a lot with people?
-I do it more than I should, yeah.
-I could tell you that you need to stop that,
but what you need to do is invite us.
-Yeah, next time, I'll invite you.
Now, you guys, obviously, you have not booked Rihanna,
but are you hoping to be the first talk show
that has the baby on? -Oh, yeah.
-I mean, you know, maybe in utero, you know?
I mean, actually, no, he's been born.
-It's too late. Yeah, you missed that opportunity.
-We were trying to get him in the warmer.
-The baby's not SAG yet.
We're waiting for all this stuff, but it's gonna happen.
It's gonna happen. -Gotcha.
That's obviously something to look forward to.
You guys, you've talked, as well, about wanting
to go to England and maybe interviewing some royalty.
The Queen. You want to start at the top.
-Right at the top.
Can't start with, like, the babies.
-No, no, no. -Got to go right for the top.
-No dukes or whatever. Just like straight to the Queen.
-You're just gonna go right into it.
-Yeah, you see how we do interviews.
We make people comfortable. -Yeah, that's true.
-Just imagine the Queen, she takes the crown off.
-Uh-huh. [ Laughter ]
-[ British accent ] Blimey, blokes!
-Aye, mate! Ay! Oi! Oi!
-Oi! You know who's my favorite drill rapper?
[ Laughter ]
-Oi, you listen to that new Skepta, mate?
-Her P.R. person's like, "Queen, calm down."
-"We're gonna have to heavily edit this."
[ Laughter ]
-That would be very -- I mean, you couldn't take
the Queen to BBQs, I don't think.
-Oh, we would have to. -We'd have to.
You know what? I think you're afraid
that she would drink more than you.
-I'm afraid -- [ Laughter ]
I think anyone that age, if they had one sip of those,
they might drop dead. -We're going to jail.
That's going to be an international incident.
-I really have to speak to the --
I've also never seen that color of cocktail
that we had yesterday. -Oh, no.
-Like you said, none of those colors appear in nature.
-Yeah. -You know what I mean?
They are all man-made.
-Right, they all appear, like,
when there's been a reactor leak.
-Yeah, yeah. -A lot of those food dyes,
if you looked at the bottle that they came in,
they were like "Do not handle without gloves"?
-Yes. [ Laughter ]
-This is the first time I've seen Jay Z blue in real life.
-Wow. [ Laughter ]
-Did you guys follow the jubilee, the big --
-[ Scoffs ] Me and all the homies.
-Yeah, hell yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Jubilee, fam! -A jubilee viewing party?
-At Dallas BBQs. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] We had our own jubilee.
-Oh, I saw this, the Ju-BB -- the Ju-BB-Lee.
-The Ju-BBQ-Lee.
-Yeah, the Ju-BBQ-Lee viewing party.
And you guys hosted it. -We hosted it,
and we dressed up like Queen Elizabeth.
[ Laughter ] -Yes.
-And she didn't show up.
-Now, do you guys get in trouble?
Can you get canceled for that,
dressing up like Queen Elizabeth?
I think, like, you might be in the clear, right?
-I mean, it depends on what kind of look you pull off.
-Yeah. -I feel like people would
just be like, "Oh, they're Madea."
-Yeah. -You know what I mean?
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, there's a chance.
-I don't know if it would work.
-You know, if you see me in compression stockings,
that might just be 'cause I'm old.
-Yeah, all right. Well, we're all getting
a little bit older, but it's still wonderful
to have you guys around.
Thank you so much for spending time with us.
-Thank you, Seth! -I can't wait to see the show
this Thursday.
Desus Nice, The Kid Mero, everybody!
"Desus & Mero" airs Thursday nights on Showtime.
It's never anything but fantastic.
We'll be right back with Jensen Ackles.