Are you dealing with a narcissist and think they might be cheating on you? By the end
of this video, you're going to understand the nexus between narcissist and cheaters.
Hi. I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R, and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. I've helped thousands
of people go from lives of drama, trauma, chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose. I'll do the same thing for you right here in these videos and on my channel.
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I'm so glad that you're here, because today, we're going to be talking about narcissists
and cheating. I've often said, for many years, even back in my book, when I wrote the first
book, Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, I wrote that book in 2013, and it went
on to become a best-seller. In that book, I talk about the three A's. The three A's
are what I call the three deadly sins of marriage, which are abuse, addiction, and adultery.
I say that they're the three deadly sins of marriage because if you have any one of those
things, it's pretty much a death knell for the relationship.
Today, we're talking mostly about the third A which is adultery. Sometimes, a lot of times,
I've actually seen people who've been dealing with all three or even a combination of two
of the three, something like that. With narcissists, you often do see a nexus between being a narcissist
and being a cheater. All cheaters are not narcissists, all narcissists are not cheaters,
but there is a higher propensity for cheaters to have been narcissists.
Why is that? Well, because narcissists need an endless amount of narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds a narcissist ego. Narcissists have no inner
sense of value. They have to suck all of their value from their external, in some way, to
feed their ego. How they feed their ego is through what we call narcissistic supply.
Supply can be what we think of that feeds people's egos such as having lots of money,
or having a prestigious job, or living in a big house, or driving the right car, or
being friends with the right people. All of those kinds of things that you normally think
of as feeding people's ego. Narcissistic supply can also come in the form
of what I call the dark underbelly of narcissistic supply. That dark underbelly of narcissistic
supply is things like devaluing people, debasing people, judging people, treating people poorly,
jerking them around. All those sorts of things. They need this endless amount of supply, and
so they'll collect people, almost like books on a shelf, or canned food or something, as
their supply, their arsenal. That's where they go to get their supply, wherever they
can get it from. The worst they are as narcissists, the more supply they need to get. Sometimes,
they get more and more powerful so they are able to gather more supply from various sources.
If they want to get more supply and they feel like they're not getting it enough from the
person with whom they are in a relationship with, whether it's your boyfriend, girlfriend,
fiance, husband, wife, spouse, romantic partner, whatever you want to call it, then they're
going to go and get it from someone else, and it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't
mean that you have failed in giving them enough supply. It means that they think they need
more. This person at work is saying how awesome they are, and so if they don't have values
or morals, then they're going to go ahead and do it, and especially if they think that
they can get away with it, because narcissists do tend to do things as long as they think
they can get away with it. If they think that you'll never know or you'll never find out,
then they will go and get that supply from somewhere else.
The crazy thing is, even if they're getting lots of supply from you because you look good
on paper as a spouse to them, or because you've done so much for them, or because they want
the window dressing of a nice family, or whatever, when you catch them, they could actually be
like mortified and on the floor. "Oh my God, I'll never do it again," and then they start
love bombing you back into the way they were love bombing you to get you into the relationship
in the first place. If you want to know more about love bombing,
make sure you check out my video on love bombing. That's what they'll start doing. They'll start
reverting back to how they got you in the first place in order to get you to just forget
about, deflect, deny, and forget about what they did. Or, they might just say, "You made
me cheat. It was your problem. It was your fault. You made that happen." If you want
to know more about what narcissists do when you catch them in a lie, check out my video
on What Happens When You Catch a Narcissist in a Lie.
One of the reasons that narcissists do cheat is that they feel entitled, and they also
lack boundaries, and they are pathological liars. Those are the kinds of things that
they will engage in if they want to. If they feel that they need to do that for their ego,
then they're going to go ahead and do that. Some of the signs that narcissists might actually
cheat on you is, number one, it might sound strange, but that they always talk about cheating.
They always say, "I would never cheat on you, you better never cheat on me." It's a constant
conversation about cheating or not cheating. It's just so weird that they constantly bring
it up especially if you're just there and you've never given them any reason to believe
that you have cheated. They might even actually accuse you of cheating. "I think you were
cheating. I think you were talking to this person," and things like that where you're
thinking, "What? Are you crazy? I didn't talk to that person. I didn't do anything with
that person." That is a trait of a person that might potentially end up cheating on
you. Number two is that they're super-secretive
with their information, with their phone, with anything, with the password. You can
never get near their phone. They have it on them all the time. Even when they basically
take a shower, right there it is right next to them in the bathroom and you don't know
what their password is, or they're secretly texting when you're not watching them. You
walk into the room and they quickly put it away and they act kind of guilty about it.
That might be a reason too. Another thing is that they disappear for periods
of time. You don't know where they are. You don't know what they're doing. They're coming
home late. They have lots of work projects or things that are going on. Another thing
is, I've seen in clients where they have hidden bank accounts. They might be spending money
from a hidden bank account, or maybe they have a credit card that you didn't know about,
because they're using that credit card to spend money on another person. If you are
so ready to break free from that cheater in your life, I want to see a Break Free in the
comments. If you are getting ready to negotiate with
a narcissist, go ahead and grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. It's basically
an e-book. Thousands and thousands of people have downloaded it by now, so why not you?
You need this thing. If you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, why not grab
it? It's totally free. Just get it at the link below, or go to my winmynegotiation.com.
If you want more support, you're dealing with a narcissist, join us in our free private
Facebook group. It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. I'll drop a link to that
below as well. If you like this video, give it a like, give
it a share, drop me a comment. Let me know that you were here. I'm so glad that you were
here. Make sure you have subscribed and hit that notification bell so that I can see you,
again, here on my channel and in the comments here below. I'm Rebecca Zung. Remember, today's
a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.