Recently we took a poll on Instagram asking ladies if it was okay to go
through your spouse's phone. 62% said no and 38% said yes. But before we dive
deeper into this topic, we want to know what you think? Take the poll above and
let's get started!
Welcome back to TLC Thursday. My name is Christal Fuentes, Author of "How
to be H.O.T. Your Guide to Becoming Happy Open and Trusting in Your Relationships"
and the Founder of TheLadiesCoach.com.
Whether you are in a relationship or not,
I think everyone at some point has either checked their spouses phone or
has been tempted and more than discussing if it's okay to go through
your spouse's phone which, we will. I want to get into the why of it all. What does
that mean? Well I want us to leave here feeling we have an understanding of
where the root of this behavior is coming from, because let's be real
there's a reason why we get tempted to check our significant other's phone. But
here's what I want you to understand, this is not about who's right or wrong.
Nor is it about whether your relationship is good or bad. This is
about understanding why it's happening, and seeing if we can expand the scope of it.
Okay so let's get into some of the reasons I've gotten by the hundreds of
ladies that I've talked to. The first reason they check their spouse's phone is
past relationship betrayals. Either from a current spouse or an ex that has left
them feeling scarred, and unable to fully trust again.
The second reason, a change of behavior from their spouse causing them to
question what's changed. The third reason... And this is the most common one I get
and it's my favorite. "I should be able to check their phone because they should
have nothing to hide."
All these reasons, although valid and hold truth, still tells us one thing. We
don't trust ourselves. Wouldn't it mean we don't trust our spouse? Sure, but
here's the thing. In order for us to truly trust others, we would need to
trust in who we are and the decisions and choices we make. After all being in a
relationship is a choice, a choice we actively participate in. And
since relationships are built off trust I mean you hear this all the time right?
How fulfilling would our intimate relationships be, if we didn't trust the
person we picked? Girl and if you're still going back to the argument that
you trust your spouse but you still check their phone
because they should have nothing to hide,
we need to get real and tell the truth. You might be in a good relationship, but
the very act of intruding on your partner's privacy is not only a trust
issue but also a control issue on your part. Now this is a hard truth coming
from love, because you're not the only one. We've all been guilty at times, at
some time or another. It's not about you know what we're doing wrong. It's about
what these behaviors are showing us. Is it's showing us that there is an
intuition screaming something isn't right? If so, how can we communicate that
in our relationships and take proper actions to honor ourselves, besides
engaging in sneaky deeds? Did the connection in your relationship change,
leaving you uncertain of what your spouse is doing? Then how can you
communicate these feelings to your significant other to open up your
relationship in an organic way? Is going through your spouse's phone coming from
the scars you're holding on to from the past, that's making it hard for you to
trust? Then how can you shine a light inward, instead of projecting your fears
and hurts on your spouse? Now if it's something your current spouse did, I want
you to remember that's staying with your spouse after
betrayal is your choice. A choice that comes with taking responsibility for
what we choose to participate in. If you are wanting to continue a relationship
with someone who hurt you, then you are also responsible for the healing and the
rehabilitation of that relationship. Checking your partner's phone and
making sure that he or she is not continuing behavior you don't like is,
still an act of distrust and control, and what kind of relationship do you really
want to build with that kind of rocky foundation? I'm all about shining a light
on behaviors we think are no big deal, because it's small behaviors that direct
us to the truth that's happening within us. Telling the truth builds our
self-awareness muscle, and it's self-awareness that allows us to trust
our partners, the partners that we choose to invest our life with. Does this all
make sense? Now I want to hear from you, what insights have you gotten from this
video? Comment them below, and if there's someone you know needs to hear this
message please share it with them. Thank you all for your time today and make
sure you subscribe to our channel so you don't miss any new videos. We put out
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resources, that can make your life a little easier. MUAH!