♪ First day of school, nya nya nya nya nya... ♪
Whoa! What class is this?
Baldi: Oh, hi!
Orange: Whoa, who the heck are you?
Baldi: Welcome to Baldi's Basics!
Orange: YO WHAT'CHU TALKIN' BOUT!?
Baldi: What?
Orange: You're making fun of my lack of hair AND calling me basic!?
Ooh, you gonna get it!
Baldi: No, no, no, no. MY name is Baldi. And this class is called Baldi's Basics.
Orange: Oh, okay. I'll let it go this time, but only because we have the same hairstyle. (laughs)
Baldi: (grunts)
Orange: Oh, come on that was HAIR-larious! (laughs)
Baldi: (grunts) Okay, that's enough.
Orange: Hey, Professor Baldi guy!
Baldi: Just Baldi is fine!
Orange: Hey! Hey, Baldi Bean Butt!
Baldi: COLDER! Definitely colder!
Orange: Hey, BaldI Bartle Farts McDougle Booty!
Baldi: HOLY MOLEY! What is wrong with you?!
Orange: You're so bald, I bet if you took a shower, you'd get brainwashed! (laughs)
Baldi: Haha, very funny.
Orange: You look like Vin Diesal and Mr. Clean had a baby. (laughs)
Baldi: Okay, that's not nice, Orange!
Orange: I'm just saying, you really know your bald when you use toothpaste and shampoo. (laughs)
Baldi: THAT'S ENOUGH!
Orange: Ugh!
Baldi: Orange, this is MY classroom, and you will listen to ME!
Orange: Okay, fine.
Baldi: Now it's time for everybody's favorite subject!
Orange: Pantsless Karaoke?
Baldi: No!
Orange: Cooking with bowling balls?
Baldi: THOSE are NOT school subjects!
Orange: Polar bear pillow fighting!
Baldi: NO!!! Math! Everyone's favorite subject is MATH!
Orange: Said no one ever. (laughs)
Baldi: Now, I'm gonna give you 3 questions!
Orange: Can they be questions about kazoos? I'm REALLY good at questions about kazoos.
Baldi: UGHHH!!! Now, the questions will be on this handy-dandy Think Pad! Here you go!
Orange: Cool! It looks like Big Bird crapped on a speak n' spell! (laughs)
Baldi: (groans) Now, problem 1.
7 + 9 =
Orange: WHAAAAT? 7 and 9 can't be in a math problem together!
Baldi: What? Why not?
Orange: Because 7 8 9! (laughs)
Baldi: GRRRRR!!!
Orange: Hmmm... carry the 5... move the decimal over 3 places... divide by a hamster ball...
Baldi: Grrr! Did you just say, "divide by a hamster ball?"
Orange: Yeah! That's the step that comes before multiplying it by Justin Bieber's nipple, right? (laughs)
Baldi: (groans)
Okay! If you're having trouble with the problem, think of it this way!
If you had 7 kazoos, and I gave you 9 more kazoos, how many kazoos would you have?
Orange: Honestly, I still wouldn't have enough kazoos.
Baldi: (stutters) No!
Orange: I'd probably have to steal Pear's credit card and buy at least a bajillion more from Kazoos R' Us.
Baldi: This isn't a philosophical question about how many kazoos are enough to make you happy!
Orange: Of course, if you gave me 9 kazoos that were magic kazoos that had wish-granting genies inside of them, that'd be a different story all-together.
Baldi: Orange, you're getting off-track and-
Orange: Cuz then I'd wish for a kazoo cloning machine! Then I'd never run out of kazoos, like, ever!
Baldi: ORANGE! 7+9!
Orange: Sheesh, okay! 16! The answer is 16!
Baldi: Fantastic! You're doing great!
Orange: Hey-hey! Thanks! Now, back to the kazoos!
Baldi: PROBLEM 2!!!!
5-3=
Orange: (groans) I'm bored of math! Does this thing play Fortnite?
Baldi: NO!
Orange: Hey, why hasn't anybody made a game called Fartnite? Now that would be a real GAS! (farts and laughs)
Baldi: Orange!!!
Orange: Okay, okay. 2! As in you can't have toot without two! (farts and laughs again)
Baldi: Good job! You did great!
Orange: Thanks! I'm pretty skilled at farting! (farts for the 3rd time)
Baldi: THAT'S ENOUGH FARTING! (Orange laughs) Now, Orange, it's time for problem 3!
Orange: Pollen tree? Baldi: Problem 3!
Orange: Goblin knee? Baldi: PROBLEM 3!
Baldi: You gotta pee? Gross, dude! TMI! (laughs)
Baldi: AHHH!! I've HAD IT with you!!! HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM 3!!
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Orange: Emm... I think your boring machine is broken.
Baldi: Oh, it's not broken. YOU have to answer it! Just like that! And remember, I get angrier every problem you get wrong!
Orange: WORK, YOU STUPID MACHINE!!! MAKE MORE SENSE!!!
Baldi: Hey! STOP THAT!
Orange: Nah, I'm gonna keep doing it. AHHHHHHH!
Baldi: HEY!
Orange: PLAY FORTNITE, YOU BIG BIRD TURD!
Baldi: GRRR!! Gimme that!
Orange: Hey! I was breaking that!
Baldi: I am DONE teaching math!! Now it's time to teach you a NEW lesson! YOU! You are the most IRRITATING pile of pulp EVER!!! If being annoying was an olympic sport, you'd win!
Orange: First Prize?
Baldi: Yes! You'd win first prize! Now, time for that lesson!
Orange: No! First Prize!
Baldi: What?
1st Prize: I see you!
Baldi: AHHHH!!!!!
1st Prize: Will you marry me?
Orange: Whoa! Baldi sure is a PUSHOVER! (laughs)
Ohh...
Playtime: Let's play!
Orange: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Playtime: Heeheehee! Orange: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!