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Welcome to Storyline Online
brought to you by the SAG-AFTRA Foundation
I’m Melanie Lynskey
and today I’m going to read
Memoirs of a Hamster
Written by Devin Scillian and illustrated by Tim Bowers
Night One
My life is perfect.
I have a bowl full of seeds, a cozy pile of wood shavings, and room to run.
I’m never leaving here.
Question: Who’s the luckiest hamster in the world?
Answer: ME!
Night Two
I was just telling myself, “Seymour, you’ve got it made,”
when my exercise wheel was delivered.
(I like to work out.)
It’s the best model around, the FuzzyBoy 360,
shiny as a new dime and fast as lightning.
I don’t know how many miles I put in,
but I was on that wheel all night!
Night Three
It took me a while to get the hang of my new water bottle, but it’s great.
It’s important, too. A hamster has to stay hydrated.
Back to my wheel; I’ve got another hour to put in before daylight!
Night Four
Little Girl came by and gave me a kiss on the nose.
Nasty. Hello? Ever hear of germs?
But she also gave me two yogurt drops.
Question: What’s better than a yogurt drop?
Answer: TWO yogurt drops!
I ate one and tucked the other in my cheek to save for later.
This hamster has it going on.
Night Five
I was just climbing onto my wheel tonight when Pearl the Cat came by.
“You know,” she said,
“you run for miles every night, but you never leave that cage.
What’s it all for?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s what hamsters do.”
“What a complete waste of time,” she said.
“Have fun in your cage. I’m going to the sunroom.”
Sunroom? What’s a sunroom?
Night Six
Little Girl woke me up to clean my cage today.
She kissed me on the nose again.
Barf!
She needs to knock that off.
But while she was carrying me around,
I realized there’s a lot of house around me that I haven’t seen.
It seems to go on forever!
I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn’t see a sunroom.
Little Girl gave me a yogurt drop, and I completely forgot about the sunroom.
Whatever a sunroom is, is it better than a yogurt drop?
Answer: NO!
Night Seven
I planned on running a marathon tonight,
but my FuzzyBoy 360 is a little squeaky.
Pearl came over to the cage looking a little annoyed.
“You really need to get yourself out of there,” she said.
“But why?” I asked.
“I’ve got my wheel, I’ve got my seeds, I’ve got yogurt drops…”
“You wouldn’t need a wheel out here,” she said.
“There’s plenty of room to run.
The staircase is made of sunflower seeds.
And the sunroom is filled with yogurt drops.”
As she was walking away she turned around and said,
“Watch out for Hoover.”
Hoover?
Who’s Hoover?
Night Eight
I didn’t sleep a wink all day.
Little Girl came by and kissed me on the nose—YUCK!
And then I had a terrible workout. I just couldn’t focus.
How could I concentrate knowing what I know?
Imagine...a whole staircase made of sunflower seeds!
And the sunroom? Don’t I deserve to be in the sunroom?
Buck the Dog came by to give my cage a sniff, and I said,
“Buck, do you like the sunroom?”
Big, goofy Buck said,
“I love the sunroom. It’s so… sunny.”
And he trotted away.
Night Nine
No workout tonight.
I spent the whole evening putting together a plan.
I went over every square inch of my cage, and I think I’ve got it figured out.
Operation Tasty Treat is set for tomorrow night.
Hello, staircase!
Hello, sunroom!
Night Ten
Good ol’ Seymour is one smart hamster!
My escape went like clockwork.
I moved the seed dish.
Then I was able to muscle the FuzzyBoy to the front of the cage.
I had a little trouble climbing the outside of the wheel.
It kept spinning and I wasn’t getting anywhere.
But sweet Pearl suggested I jam a sunflower seed at the side of the wheel, and it worked!
After that, it was easy.
I shimmied up the wheel and popped the lid right off.
Question: Who’s going to eat every yogurt drop in the sunroom?
Answer: ME!
Night Eleven
Note to self: Cats are big, fat liars.
I’m writing this from under the sofa.
One wrong move and Pearl will have me for dinner.
For starters, the staircase is not made of sunflower seeds.
It’s just carpet.
It tastes like a sweater.
And the sunroom is nice, but there wasn’t a yogurt drop in sight.
And when I heard Pearl (the big, fat liar) say,
“Hello, Seymour,”
I knew something was wrong.
She looked really hungry.
But all of that time on the wheel paid off.
I raced past her and squeezed out of the sunroom just in time.
I made it here, but now what?
Pearl keeps clawing under the sofa. (That big, fat liar!)
I’ll probably never see my cage again.
Question: Who’s in big trouble?
Answer: ME!
Night Twelve
I’m doomed.
I’ll never make it out of here alive.
I can see Pearl pacing back and forth.
She says she’s looking up recipes.
I tore a tag off the bottom of the sofa, found an old pencil, and wrote out my will.
“I, Seymour Q. Hamster, being of tired mind and hungry body,
leave my FuzzyBoy 360 to my 17 brothers.
I leave my water bottle to my 22 sisters.
And to my sweet mother and father,
I leave the four yogurt drops hidden in the corner of my cage.
I won’t be needing them.”
I sniffled a few times and fell asleep.
“Goodbye, friends. I love you all.”
Night Thirteen
So hungry and tired I could barely move,
I heard Pearl purring the way she does when she sleeps.
It was my only chance.
I tiptoed out from the back of the sofa and headed straight for my cage.
I was going to make it!
But suddenly, there was a terrible noise. It sounded like a hurricane.
An enormous monster was coming right at me.
I looked up at its terrible eyes
and read the most frightening word:
HOOVER!
It was trying to suck me inside!
Buck heard the commotion and started barking like crazy.
That woke up Pearl, the big, fat liar, who hissed, “He’s mine!”
and started racing right toward me.
Hoover had me by the tail,
Pearl was swiping at me with her claws,
and Buck was howling like mad.
I was a goner.
I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.
And then came the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.
“SEYMOUR!”
It was suddenly very quiet.
Hoover, Pearl, and Buck stopped in their tracks.
And one surprised but happy Little Girl got to me first.
She kissed me on the nose, a lovely, beautiful, sweet kiss.
And I kissed her right back.
Twice.
Night Fourteen
My life is perfect.
I have a bowl full of seeds,
a cozy pile of wood shavings,
and room to run.
I’m never leaving here.
Question: Who’s the luckiest hamster in the world?
Answer: ME!
What I really liked about this book is that
it’s a story about appreciating what you already have
and feeling grateful for the life you have.
You know, a lot of us are looking around and thinking other people have it better
or maybe there is somewhere more exciting
and I just love that at the end of the story the hamster realizes
‘you know, I have a very happy little cage
and a wonderful wheel to run on and somebody who loves me.’
He starts to appreciate the love of the little girl which is really sweet.
I also really just love a memoir in general
because I think people’s stories are fascinating
and hamster stories are fascinating too, as it turns out.
And I just love hearing stories that are like a day in the life.
And so this book was kind of perfect.
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