Sometimes we just get stuck in that place we don't want to be. How to get a
fresh start? Let's take that on today.
Unfortunately, one of the things that I've encountered a lot over the course
of my career is suicidal thoughts, suicidal behaviors. It's normal for
people to start thinking this. I remember a client so well he was in his early 20's.
He had run into some hard times financially, a relationship that he was
really having some high hopes for just completely fell apart and disappeared. It
was like his whole life was just falling apart and falling out of his hands out
of his grip and he became suicidal. As he was talking to me and thank you to those
of you who reach out and actually talked to someone because there's so much hope.
Well, he did. He reached out to me and as we were talking, I don't even know where
this came from you guys. But I totally out of the blue I said, "well, how about
you moved to Louisiana instead?" He was like, "what? what are you talking about?"
My office is in Utah, Louisiana is nowhere near and for those of you who
are in Louisiana you know why you might want to move to Louisiana, right? Well, I
did and it just kind of popped him it was a random out of nowhere kind of a
thing. And it struck him as being odd and as he thought about it he thought, "I
hadn't thought of that" Well, of course he hadn't thought of that it was completely
random. But it's a possibility, isn't it? And it opened up something in his mind
to where he realized you know what? I could get a fresh start. Instead of
ending everything. How about a fresh start? Let's talk about five ways that
you might be able to initiate a fresh start. There's a whole lot more than five
but let's just have five of those and get
juices flowing. Number one, I think you're going to enjoy this. I've done it with a
lot of my clients. Number one - "create a dreams list". Create a dreams list. What is
a dreams list? You know what? I did one of these years ago and have had a really
powerful experience with it. I'll share that with you in just a minute. Here's
what a dreams list is. You ask yourself, "if I had unlimited time, unlimited money,
unlimited support from friends family whoever I need it, unlimited resources."
Alright, so we're taking all of the restrictions out. It's a dreams list
after all. "If I had unlimited resources, what would I do? where would I go? what
would I try? what would I create?" Right? So that's the dreams list. You give
yourself that trigger. If I had unlimited resources, what would I do?
What's on my dreams list and just start jotting it down. Some people resist this
because it's like, "oh I can never have those things that'll just be depressing
right now." Write them down, okay? Because this changes something in your
mind and it creates an opportunity for you to have a fresh start and it may not
be the things that are specifically on your list, don't worry about that.It's
going to get some juices flowing. It's going to create some energy that will
change the game and give you some options you hadn't even considered. So I
told you I did one of these years ago. I think it was 25ish years ago, Vicki and
I were fairly newly married at the time. I think we'd been married for four or
five years and we were poor students. I'm going through a PHD program at the time.
We're living in a little apartment and we didn't have a lot of resources at the
time but I asked myself if I had unlimited time and resources and money
and support, what would I do? And I made a list while I tucked it away in one of my
family history books. A couple of weeks ago, I mean that family
history book and I discover my dreams list, tucked between the sheets of that
family history book. And I pull that thing out and I think I had maybe 25 or
30 things that I had written on my dreams list and it was fun back then but
it was all pie-in-the-sky, right? I was amazed as I went through my dreams list
and saw that almost all of those things I can now check off of the list. I've
done them. Been there, done that. Wow! it was an amazing realization to me because
at the time, it was complete fantasy. There's probably other good reasons to
do a dreams list. What we're looking at here is creating an opportunity for a
fresh start. So give that one a try. See what happens.
Number two- this one might surprise you. "Create a stop doing list". You've heard of
a to-do list right? You probably have several of those. Create a stop doing
list. These are the things that I am going to stop doing. How does this give
us a fresh start? Well, notice that a lot of the frustration and the trapped
feeling that we have sometimes, is because we create all these obligations
and expectations sometimes in our own mind and we end up doing things that we
don't have to be doing. What would be on your stop doing list? And it may not be
stuff that you can stop immediately. But that you want to stop doing eventually
or soon whatever makes your stop doing list is going to open up the
possibilities for things that you can do or that you want to do and it's going to
help you feel like you've got a fresh start. Create a stop doing list. Number
three - "take a break". Sounds simple doesn't it? Take a break. I mean honestly, I've had
conversations with people who are suicidal. They want to end it all. And
when they realize wait a minute, I don't have to end it all. What if I
take a break? Oh... Wow! What a novel idea. Take a break. Now notice when I suggest
you do this and it might just be a day. You take a day off of work and you tell
everybody, "hey, I'm not going to be around today. I'm taking a break." People are
going to understand more than you think they will. In fact, they're kind of
secretly wishing they could do that. Take a break. Give yourself a retreat. Take the
day off. Just give yourself the gift of a break. It might be a day, it might be a
couple of days. But do this and you'll find that it's more supportive than you
think it will be. The resistance is oh people want to prove of that. "Oh I have
obligations, oh I need to go to work, I have all this stuff to do."
Look, if you need a fresh start, one great way to give yourself permission to do
that is simply take a break from everything that's demanding your
attention right now and then just see where that takes you. Other things will
occur to you during your break. Take a break. Number four, tip number four. Have a
backwards day. What is a backwards day? That sounds fun.
I want to do that. A backwards day is where everything that you can reasonably
and feasibly do and sometimes unreasonably. I'm not opposed to that. You
do it backwards. Change the order. Do the opposite. You change up what you're doing.
It can be as simple as put your clothes on backwards. What? I can't show up like
that. You don't worry about that. Just try it. Try getting dressed in the morning
and put everything on backwards. You can change it back before you go out the
door if you want to. I don't know that that's necessary. But what would this do
for you? What if it's as simple as you know what?
today I'm going to wear my right shoe on the left foot
and I'm going to wear my left shoe on the right foot. I know that's going to be awkward.
Yeah, that's part of the point. We want to switch up how your brain is handling of
the routines of your life because you what? A fresh start. Yeah. This is going to
teach you things and illuminate things to you that you didn't think of
otherwise. So take your normal stuff and reverse it. Flip it upside down, do the
opposite, do it backwards. This can be a lot of fun and it empowers your brain
and your mind to find a ways to create a fresh start.
Sounds kind of fun huh? Give it a try. Here's tip number five - "try something
totally new. Totally new. It could be as simple as ordering something for lunch
that you have never tasted before. if you've never tried Indian food, call up
your local Indian restaurant and order something. Try it. I don't care if you can
pronounce it or even if you know what it is. Try something new. It doesn't have to
be something to eat. What if you went down to the craft store. A local craft
store and you wander into a section that you've never been in before. It might be
the yarn section. You've never knit anything before by a skein of yarn and
then go on YouTube and see if you can try something new. Do you think you can
find a YouTube video about knitting for beginners? I think you probably can. Not
on this channel because I don't know how to do that. But you know others we're having
this conversation I'm thinking,you know I might want to try that right? Try
something new. I signed up for guitar lessons a year and a half ago I'd never
done it before in my life. And it's been such a rich experience. Try
something new. You know usually when we say, "I'm stuck, I don't know what to do
with my life." Usually what we're saying is, "I don't have any ideas
right now of how to get a fresh start." There's a lot of ways to do it
I've only shared five of these ideas with you. Probably there's a lot more.
Let's give it a fresh start. There's always some good options. You
probably have some ideas that I've not even thought of and I would love to have
you share those. Comment down below let's have a conversation.