- The energy of obsession is a very repellent energy.
It literally is repelling love,
it is repelling connection,
and it is repelling that which you want.
So in this video, I'm gonna show you how to stop obsessing,
how to stop sending someone energy
that they can feel that then repels them
and has them walk away and leaning back,
and I'm gonna show you how to heal this from the inside out
so that you can be in your own frame,
you can feel 100% worthy, whole, and complete
and not need or necessarily want their approval.
You're able to actually connect with them at a deep level
that is authentic and attractive.
So the first thing we need to learn about this
and we need to understand is what is obsession
and why is that obsessive energy there?
Now, first off, let me say
that anything we really, really want,
anything we really, really think about,
we are really, really sending energy.
And the energy of obsession is that of worry.
Worry.
The energy of worry is this anxiety,
it is this negative, it's almost like,
imagine like the way reality works
is you get more of what you focus on.
And by focusing on obsession
or having an obsession with someone else,
there's this underlying current of worry
of what if things don't go right?
What if things go wrong?
And what is happening is that energy,
'cause remember, especially in relationships,
people are attracted to other people based on energy.
And if we are harboring the energy of worry,
of wondering if they're gonna call us back,
of wondering what they're doing,
of sending them that energy, they are feeling that
and it is literally projecting them
to then do something else, go away,
and not actually connect in an authentic level.
And one of the main things
about this is that obsessive energy and that energy of worry
is in a way somewhat manipulative.
Because think about it,
what I'm saying is I want your energy.
I want you to be this way with me.
And it's like people feel that and they go, ooh.
It's almost like the cup's not already full.
Now, I had to shed this pattern.
Even back in high school, I remember this one time,
I'll share this story
I don't think I've ever shared before,
but many of you know the story of seven to 15 years old,
I wasn't allowed to, if you've been watching my videos,
but I had the ex-stepmom in my life
where my brother and I had no freedom.
We weren't allowed to have friends,
we weren't allowed to watch TV.
We were normally just doing yard work and stuff like that.
At 15 years old, my dad divorced her, and finally,
and when he divorced her,
my brother and I had all this freedom.
We were allowed to have friends,
we were allowed to go to school activities,
we were allowed to connect with people.
So I didn't really start connecting with people
'til I was about 15, 16 years old at all.
Like, literally if someone wanted to hang out at school,
I had to make up an excuse
because I knew I wasn't allowed to.
So I had my first girlfriend around 18 years old,
17 or 18 years old,
and as I was starting to date, because I was allowed to,
I was very socially awkward
because I didn't know how to really connect with people
because I never was allowed to growing up.
And when I was in this energy,
there was this one girl that I was dating,
or not even dating, just, we were flirting,
and I was first off learning like what that was like.
And I was like, oh, I just like her, you know?
And what happened is we got each other's phone number.
Nothing really happened, it was just mildly flirting.
Got each other's phone number.
I then went on this camping trip
with that of my brother and someone else
that was like a family friend.
I go on this camping trip and I just wanted to call her.
So what I did is I called her, but she didn't pick up.
Well, I assumed that because I'm on this camping trip
it must be that I don't have reception,
so I called her again.
I called her again,
and I called her again.
And I literally called her probably 20 times within an hour.
But I just thought maybe
that the connection wasn't going through.
But I remember I then created this whole story in my head,
this whole narrative in my head, and after that,
I remember going to school
three, four days later after the weekend,
and it was like we weren't even,
there was like, it was weird, obviously.
Because it wasn't that my phone was not getting reception.
It was that literally I was calling her
15 times and it's fricking weird.
And I look back at that and I can clearly see
that obsessive energy, that energy of worry,
not only is it repelling because you're sending energy,
but it's just pretty creepy,
you know, from a certain perspective.
And that's because I was wanting something from her.
She could feel that, I was wanting her approval,
I was wanting her validation,
I was wanting her to call me back,
and people don't want to feel manipulated.
So one of the things to realize about this obsessive energy
is that the ego thinks that it works.
The ego thinks that, ooh, if I think about them
more and more and more, and I send them a lot of energy
and I try to control things, then I will get what I want.
But in fact it does the opposite.
So stop doing it.
(laughs) I'm just kidding.
But like, not really, I'm serious,
but it's like, anything we do, there's a payoff to doing.
We think if we think about it,
we will control it and we will get what we want,
but it is actually the opposite.
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever, ever seen someone
that was obsessed with someone else
that then was in a happy relationship with them
and they lasted and it was great.
I don't know if I've ever seen that happen.
Somebody becomes obsessed, they push them away.
Then what happens is maybe they're obsessed,
push someone away, and then maybe they do their own thing,
and then eventually, maybe they come around or something.
But you cannot stay in obsessive energy
because obsessive energy
literally says, I'm not good enough,
I'm not whole and complete,
I need your energy
I want you to give me approval,
I want your validation.
And when that is the energy, it's this worry energy
that's being infused that is very repellent
that also is just, like, does the opposite
of the attraction.
It literally pushes people away.
Now, let's go a little bit deeper with this.
When we talk about this,
let's understand where this core energy may be from,
because this is the cure
and the way of getting out of the obsessive energy.
When you look back at your childhood,
can you see any pattern that may be there
where maybe one of your parents or both of your parents
emotionally or physically checked out?
Can you see that...
Did they ever emotionally maybe
withdraw their energy from you and put it somewhere else?
Did maybe a parent physically leave?
Did one of your parents maybe cheat on the other parent?
Because all these different scenarios,
what they have in common
is that you may have felt an energy of rejection.
You may have the felt of energy
of someone checking out on you
and someone emotionally or physically abandoning you.
And when you felt that, you then decided,
I'm gonna do anything I can
to make sure this does not happen again
because the rejection is too great.
The pain is too much.
But you see, this is where the healing starts to happen.
Because what we are afraid of is rejection,
what we are afraid of is not getting the approval,
what we are afraid of is being abandoned.
And that's why we try to control things obsessively.
But what if instead we looked
and we reframed something from our past.
This is where healing can begin.
If your parent cheated on the other parent,
if one of your parents or both of your parents
emotionally or physically abandoned you,
the key to healing this is realizing and reframing it
and understanding that even though they did that,
it wasn't because of you.
It wasn't because you're not worthy,
it, oh, wow.
That scared me.
The bird just flew into the window.
At least it's okay. (laughs)
But with this, realize it's not your fault.
Your parents divorcing maybe.
If my parents just didn't divorce,
maybe everything would be okay,
but they divorced maybe 'cause I'm not good enough.
As kids we internalize everything
and we create these meanings,
and we create the meaning that I don't want to be rejected,
I don't want to be abandoned.
I must be unworthy,
and there's this core belief there
that says I'm worthy,
I'm unworthy, I'm not good enough
and I need to do and fix everything around me,
and I need to send someone a lot of energy
so that I can get the approval,
I can get the validation back.
So the reason I'm sharing this is because this was key
to me understanding my own attachment style
and how to heal.
Because I used to have this pattern of obsession,
of overly extending myself.
And they call this anxious attachment,
where you lean in to get someone else's love or approval.
Like your way of connecting is by leaning in.
And if someone's not giving it to you,
it's like, what is going on?
But you don't wanna get rejected
so you overcompensate in many ways.
You try to fix people, you try to fix things,
you try to control.
But there's one thing's for sure,
you cannot control relationships.
You cannot control whether someone likes you or not.
But the key is pulling your energy back
and then going inside of yourself
and letting go of the old meaning from childhood
that says,
I'm not good enough,
I'm not worthy.
Maybe even a belief that says, people leave me,
people abandon me, and realize that...
And see, here's the interesting thing.
When we are afraid of abandonment
and we are changing ourselves to make other people happy,
what ends up happening
is we've all already abandoned ourselves in the process.
So instead of being in our own frame and our own energy,
we are literally projecting it onto other people
and we are obsessing about something happening correctly
because we develop this grando storyline in our head
of how things must happen and how great it would be
if they did happen and all these things,
but they're just stories.
And once we begin to pull our energy back,
all of a sudden our life begins to change in a powerful way.
Here's another thing that it may be.
What if it's a form of self-sabotage
to be obsessed with someone?
What if maybe you had
an emotionally unavailable parent growing up,
so what you do subconsciously
is you attract emotionally unavailable partners?
And maybe that creates an avoidant attachment style,
where they don't really meet you halfway.
They don't really express that they like you,
so you sit there anxiously wondering,
so then you have to lean in to get it.
But what if that emotionally unavailable partner
that you're attracting is similar
to the emotional available parent that you had
and something about it just feels familiar and comfortable?
Even deeper than this, even a little bit harder to look at,
what if the person
that you think is emotionally unavailable
is a mirror because at a certain level
there's a level of emotional unavailability inside?
This one's hard for me to look at.
But I had to realize
that if I'm attracting emotionally unavailable people,
it's because I'm emotionally unavailable.
There's something about someone meeting me
and someone really liking me that felt weird to me.
And I'll tell you from my own experience
that somebody really loving me
and nurturing me and valuing me,
it felt weird.
In my relationship now, my girlfriend is very affectionate.
And I thought that, oh, that's is what I always want,
but then when it happened, it was like I had to get used
to receiving love because I had never really received it
like that before,
because I was emotionally unavailable
and I would attract situations and things
to where I wouldn't really have
that kind of energy reflected back to me.
So obsessive energy is maybe even
a self-sabotage mechanism we use
to keep emotionally available people,
emotionally unavailable people in our lives,
or us from emotionally connecting
with people in a deep level,
and even emotionally from connecting with ourselves,
with getting to the core of who we are
and getting to the core of being in our own bodies.
Now realize this, too, about dating,
if you're dating someone
and you're starting to obsess about them.
Obsession is always attached to the outcome.
It's, I want their validation,
I want their text, I want their commitment,
I want them to marry me, whatever that obsession is.
That is there because it is attached to outcome.
The key and one of the most powerful things
that you can do to transform this energy
is to take the energy out of being attached to the outcome,
because I think obsession is a control issue.
It's trying to control the outcome,
it's trying to control things.
And to put it inside of your body
and being present to the moment,
and more so, this is gonna sound
maybe annoying to some people, but it's having fun.
It is enjoying the process
and knowing if somebody does reject you,
if somebody does abandon you, it has nothing to do with you.
Maybe it just doesn't vibe, it doesn't work out.
It's knowing that if your parents abandoned you
when you were kids or emotionally checked out,
it wasn't your fault.
It's a neutral thing that happened
and you can let go of the old meaning
that it was given when you were a kid.
So this is really about that level of energy
and knowing that this whole attracting love game
or whatever you wanna call it,
it's really about feeling love on the inside.
Because if you're feeling obsession, you're feeling lack.
You're feeling like you want something else to happen
and there's an attachment to outcome.
The key to letting this go is being inside of your own body,
valuing yourself and having fun
and focusing on being in your own frame as well.
That's a whole other, that could be a whole 'nother video.
Because when we are obsessing over someone else,
we are trying to be the star in their movie
instead of the star in our own movie.
We're the cameo, we're trying to be the cameo in their movie
instead of the star of your own movie.
And that energy...
And remember, if you treat someone like a celebrity,
they're gonna treat you like a fan.
Obsession is where you treat someone like a celebrity,
and that ends up repelling the energy, blocking the energy,
and it keeps you in that stuck paradigm.
So one of the things to really focus on
is your own level of self-worth, self-love,
and being in your own frame, leading in your life.
What do you want?
What is fun for you?
Maybe I'll make a whole other video about this
'cause I have so many stories about this,
but there are times I've pulled my energy back
in a relationship it and it changed everything.
I started doing what I wanted to do,
and before I was trying to do it, everyone else,
oh, where do you wanna go eat?
Let's go do this.
And the sexual polarity was all messed up.
But then I start bringing the energy back to myself.
I start doing what I wanna do,
and all of a sudden there's like this attraction.
And I'm like, whoa, I was just doing myself.
I was just, because then I allowed
someone else to feel safe
in my own frame.
So it's interesting how this energy works,
but it changes everything
when we begin to apply this.
Now, if you haven't seen it yet
or you haven't been a part of it,
there's something called the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge.
This is a 21-day transformational process
of releasing the avoidant attachment
or the anxious attachment style,
becoming emotionally available,
how to release codependent patterns,
how to really get inside your own frame,
how to heal from the inside out and how to feel love.
If you haven't checked that out yet,
you can click the link below
and check out the Magnetic Love Challenge
and watch how much it changes your life.
Read the testimonials to see what's possible.
Also, there is a video here
that talks about why when you let go they always come back,
and it shows you step-by-step how to let go.
It's one of my most powerful videos to watch.
After this video, make sure you watch this
to really wire it all in.
Why is it that when you want someone,
when you desire them,
they feel that energy
and it literally repels them away like a magnet?