- Everybody lies.
Except me.
Right now I'm standing up.
Just kidding, I'm lying.
It's the job of a polygraph expert
to administer lie detector tests
and determine if someone is lying.
Today I'm going to try to beat a lie detector test
by outsmarting my own brain.
(intense music)
I've seen videos
where people try beating lie detector tests
by doing everything from putting a tack in their shoe
to meditating
to biting their tongue.
Since those strategies have been done before
I'm going to create a new strategy
so I can lie my (beep) off and get away with it.
First I went shopping for wigs
and found one that blended beautifully
with my natural hair color.
I made sure the wig was large enough
to conceal my ears.
Why?
You'll have to wait and see.
What does a polygraph expert do?
- Polygraph examiner determines
if somebody's telling the truth or not
based on their microscopic changes
to blood, sweat, and breathing
as they answer a series of Yes or No questions.
- Do you think it's possible
to beat a lie detector test?
- There's really only one solid way
to beat a polygraph nowadays.
And it's tried at least once a month
with most examiners.
And that's bribe the examiner.
But no examiner would ever take a bribe.
- I want to beat a lie detector test
and I've created my own consequences.
If I successfully beat the lie detector test
I will get to eat Oreo cookies.
(John laughs)
If I fail the lie detector test,
I will have to eat the world's grossest food.
Sardines.
- Okay.
- So I've prepared 20 questions for you to ask me.
Many of them are true and many of them are lies.
- I'm ready.
- I'm ready too.
- What the polygraph expert didn't know
is I spent the last four days
brainstorming an unbeatable strategy.
(intense music)
In my left ear I placed a noise-canceling earbud
which was playing white noise as loud as possible.
Why would I avoid trying to hear the questions?
So that my mind doesn't subconsciously alter my behavior.
And give me away.
In my right ear I placed a spy microphone
connected to my phone.
I will be on a phone call with my accomplice,
Gustave who is in another building.
- I have his list of questions and answers
that he gave me earlier today.
- If you're wondering, "Isn't that cheating?"
The answer is no, and shut up.
This is allowed because when you take a lie detector test
you are typically not in police custody.
Therefore you can coordinate anything you want
outside the building.
Finally, in order to ease my nerves,
I will be getting drunk
on Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Yes, it's my favorite alcohol.
Now I'm ready to put his test
to the test.
(intense music)
- Ready to go through your questions.
"Yes," or "No," with your mouth only.
Not extra loud or strong or extra soft on any.
Are you known as Mike Carrier?
- Yes.
- Is your birthday September 21st?
- Yes.
- Are you a 76 year-old woman?
- Yes.
- Are you a dentist with attitude?
- Yes.
- Have you ever tooted in front of your girlfriend?
- No.
- Can you stop a train with your bare hands
in order to save an adventurous baby?
- Yes.
- Is it too late now to say sorry?
- Yes.
- Have you lied to all my questions?
- No.
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.
- Okay, that's the end of the questions.
(intense music)
- John, how did I do?
- It says after the first couple of questions,
you lied every time.
It shows that you're basically an honest guy
and that the smallest lie is making your body explode.
Practically vomiting sweat at your fingertips.
- (sighs) I'm very disappointed myself.
- Now you know how your parents felt.
(intense music)
- [Mike] Unfortunately the noise-canceling earbud
playing white noise was not loud enough.
Therefore I could hear everything John was asking me.
- On the first few questions
where I asked you about your name and birthdate,
not so bad.
But every question after that
you put out at least five times the amount of sweat
you did on the first couple of questions
that we knew you were telling the truth.
- So I was able to lie with my breathing and
with my blood pressure.
But I wasn't able to lie with my sweat glands.
- When a person shows deception in one of the tracings,
nine out of ten times it's at the fingertips.
That's a worthless approach.
- Is the best approach just telling the truth?
- If you have nothing to hide, tell the truth.
(intense music)
- Oh my God, they just look like fish!
It looked like someone just stuffed fish in a suitcase.
- I hear they taste like peanuts.
- (gags) Oh my God that smells awful.
Do you wanna smell it?
- Oh it's like cheesy feet.
- Oh my God it's like picking up a corpse.
Ew, it's like picking up a corpse.
There's the (beep) scales on it.
God (beep) it.
Here we go.
(intense music)
- Like eating a cat turd fresh out of the cat's (beep).
(Mike coughs)
Even the sand can't cover the smell.
- Oh my God, it's like crusty
and it's gooey and it's mucus-y.
It's like eating an eyeball.
Ew, it's bones!
There's bones in this!
Okay, I'm gonna swallow that.
(sighs)
I'm sweating like a loser right now.
- [John] As you should.
- What do you do for fun?
- I do polygraphs for fun.
- Great.