Who has more power in our relationship?
Um
I don't know
You don't know?
What?
That's a weird question
It feels so weird like... I don't know I think just like with the
with the strong personalities or something we both have them, but...
I don't know I'd say maybe me...yeah?
yeah
But not like, not in like a domineering way
Yeah, in a domineering way, but that's good
No, like...
Not like, I'm like this like, you know, whatever
I'm not like a chauvinist pig or something
No, no
But no, I think just in general like, you know, maybe?
Me...yeah
Oh God
What
Am I the best sex you've ever had?
Um..
Oh God
Obviously
I mean, like, clearly, with my background
No bullshit?
No not like that I just mean like, the answer is, clearly
You removed me from the dark side and I saw the light
Um, well, okay
What do you wish you could heal in me
and what pain would you take away?
Um, when you were in a transition of like, discovering who you are, and there was like
you explain it how, you got heat from, like, both sides you know
The straight community, the gay community, the Christian community
whatever communities
And you found yourself in this, like, disposition where, like, it seemed like everybody
was against you in a certain time and that's gotta be really hard, because I know how an
open, like person you are, you have all different sorts of kinds of friends that love you, and like
know and like
value you, obviously I do
So to me that's crazy
And especially, even when you explain, people were like violent with you about it and like
you were innocent you know, in that way, like
That obviously drives me crazy
So I wish I could take that away and be like, yo, like
It's who you are, like, it's
the most beautiful thing about you know
Love you
Ooooh, starting to get steamy
What are you hesitant to tell me?
I get hesitant
to imagine your career as a musician blowing up, just because it's scary to like, there's like...
It's okay, it's okay baby
I just see like, all of these like, because I know the music is so good and I love it
But it's just hard because I see how, um, just these men just become like
complete sex symbols and they're just so
the attention is all on them, and so I obviously just struggle with so much insecurity as it is
so to even think about
all of these eyes on you and just like
that's just scary, all of it is scary to me
just other girls, and all that shit. The music industry is just so gross
so that's why thankfully we're christians, and all that I know will be different
It's just hard
Of course, that's fair enough
Oh yeah this is the one that I wrote. Do you want to see my penmanship?
Yeah
What is a secret that you have been afraid to tell me?
So that means something I don't know!
I know you're not going to tell me what I want to know
Well why don't you just ask me the question?
No I don't know! Like, that's what I'm saying. Obviously there's stuff I don't know.
So what is something where you're like, she doesn't need to know that
What's something, specifically, in the last couple years,
that you've never told me that you know I would be upset about?
Yeah, I mean like the only thing that comes to mind is all that, that time when I was like
like taking time with the ex situation, and that just like,
obviously I'm not a dishonest person but I wound up like, smoothing over things
because I know you too, being reactive
and also hypersensitive in certain times, and lots of insecurities like
be it communication or hearing from her or whatever, it was like
I was playing two things with communication because I didn't want anyone to get hurt, you know?
Oh brother
I'm glad you figured it out with her for a little bit, because then I would have still been wondering now!
Yeah
Cause I could not be engaged now, not knowing. There's no way
Yeah. Not a chance
Yeah I knew that too
See, so that was supposed to happen!
Here you go, here's mine
Uh oh, what is this question?
Here's what I said, this is out of my curiosity because obviously like
it's always been curious, you know I've been supportive and stuff
of like, you've dated girls for a long time before me
and there's still certain things that come up where I'm like,
kind of curious like what does that mean to you because I don't relate to that, at all
So my curiousity, this is a specific question but for the three plus years that we've been dating on and off,
while we were off, did you date or were you physical with a female?
Nope, not once
Well maybe I made out with *** once, when I was drunk
But that was like stupid. Maybe, I don't even remember
Okay well divulge
no I don't think so though
No no wait a minute, wait a minute
I'm like trying to remember
be forreal, be forreal
just *** you didn't kiss any other girl, but that's your ex girlfriend
Yeah but that's like, not even a problem
Well it's weird because it's like, that wasn't like, ever communicated,
I'm supposed to be cool with like, you're not cool with me being cool with any of my ex girlfriends
but like, oh that's because it's a girl
Yeah but you were off, re- visiting your ex girlfriend
So you're entitled to make out with your ex girlfriend because, it's a girl, and you know,
in your mind I'm doing the exact same thing in a different way
so it's fine, is that how that works?
No that's not how that works, what happened...
So you did though, well how long ago, what's a long time? That could be like 3 weeks, that's a long time
no literally, it was when weren't even living out here yet
and you and I were just starting to talk
so you said since we've been off and on, since we've been daiting
wait wait wait, that doesn't make sense
I don't remember, I don't remember
Is that forreal?
I swear to God
You just don't remember?
There's that weird nervous laugh
no really, I'm trying to piece it together
It's weird you have such a detailed, specific memory about everything
but for some reason you just can't piece it together, that's really strange
Okay
I'm just saying, yeah no, I would actually rather have you answer the question
I am, I'm answering!
You don't know, cause your verdict is I'm not sure
cause it was not a big deal
well that's not what I asked
Yeah I'm answering the question
so did you go on a date with anybody
a girl? No they all ask, still.
Okay
That's not what you should have been worried about when we were not together,
it was the other guys that I was dating
I wasn't worried about that
Huh?
That's not what I was worried about
I know! I don't know why
That's why I asked the question, that's what I'm concerned about
You put too much focus on that kind of stuff because it doesn't matter
well it matters in certain moments, like heated moments, like I don't know,
even not too long ago in Vino Veritas there was some stuff coming out about
it still lingers a little bit as far as like attraction to girls,
but there's no action but I'm still curious about it because it's still present in some way or another
if i'm seeking to understand you, and that's a part of you that seems very supressed at times
but then it pops up every once and a while but i'm supposed to be like oh okay whatever
you know, I'm still curious about it, it's still a part of you, you can't like, fully
Oh do we need a time out?
Okay so that's a lot of rambling, but what's the actual question?
Cause I just I just don't understand what the actual question
We can move on
Cause I just don't like, if you want to ask a specific question
It's open, like I said I'll say it again it's open
what is, what are the details of that like what does that mean to you? How does that resolve?
There's obviously still an uncertainty in you, too. I'm just wondering what that means to you
In my experience, and I feel like several other people's experiences, sexuality can be very fluid
It doesn't have to be like, oh I'm gay, I'm lesbian, I'm bisexual I''m, none of that,
I'm like no there have just been certain instances where I'm like attractd to that person
and it's caused me not only just a lot of really fucked up hurt and stuff like that because it's just very confusing
I knew, immediately when I met you, I was like oh, like I choose this person
and I didn't know! I mean for a while I was like maybe I will end up with a woman
I was open to that, a long time ago but now after meeting you, it was like a definite, no
you had me at hello I knew that wasn't an issue anymore
So it's not a matter of, oh well that's dead now,
it's just like no I choose you and I would never do anything to like, fuck that up
fair enough
Do you trust me?
Mhmm
I know