How should a Christian respond to a narcissist, part two.
Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson, another special along the banks of the Little Mahoning
Creek addition of Little Lessons.
And we're talking about a phrase, a psychological profile that's called Narcissistic Personality
Disorder.
And in a nutshell, it's just selfishness at a much higher level than what you see in the
average selfish person, like you or like me, okay?
Because we're all selfish to a degree.
And as we endeavor to follow Jesus and allow his Holy spirit to lead us and guide us and
to dominate us rather than the, what the Bible refers to as the flesh, which is the old nature
but still there's a residue within everyone who believes in Jesus.
We're two natured.
Paul talked about how the spirit Wars against the flesh.
Well, in the narcissist, the flesh is a winning a little bit too much of the time.
Okay?
And so they're characterized by a grandiose view of themselves.
They're much more important than they actually are, but only in their own fantasy world.
And they tend to gather people around them who will affirm them because they have an
excessive need for affirmation and it's almost borderline adoration.
They always got to hear what a great job they're doing and if you don't tell them what a great
job you're doing, then you're non-supportive and it's all your fault that you're having
a problem with this person.
Narcissist, because of the whole world centers around them, they have a sense of entitlement.
So rules that apply to other people don't apply to them.
And again, it's the fault of the rule makers.
They have some ulterior motive, they're trying to stop me from being all that I can be.
I deserve much better treatment than this because A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and so they've
got a whole list of reasons why you should be admiring them.
And if you don't admire them, when they finally part ways, the last thing they'll say to you
is how you didn't admire them and they'll be talking about their accomplishments and
why they deserved better treatment from you.
It's always your fault.
The narcissist never takes the blame.
The narcissist exploits other people without guilt or shame.
Again then of course, that would be a lower degree of what's displayed by the psychopath
and the sociopath, where they can kill people in some cases and it doesn't bother them in
the least.
They have no remorse whatsoever.
Well, the narcissist is not to that degree, but the narcissist still sees other people
as pawns in their universe.
They are used to build them up and so again, that's who they gather around them.
And anyone who's not in that category finds themselves ... Well, you're going to be hurting.
Another characteristic of the narcissist is that they really express their disappointment
by means of rage and outbursts of anger and everyone walks around eggshells around the
narcissist.
And here's one last one, the narcissist frequently intimidates and bullies other people.
And so if you've run into a person, if you have a relationship with a person who's like
a bully, they're always demanding and they're going to get their way and they're going to
force their way no matter what, then you've probably run into a narcissist.
So psychologists, again and this is a science they have studied it, so I'm going to tell
you what they say then I'm going to tell you what I believe the Bible says.
Psychologist say that Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be cured.
And so the only response, the only intelligent response, if you find yourself in a relationship
on any level with a narcissist is just to get out of the relationship.
You cannot win.
You cannot win, so do not waste your time.
Narcissist do not change they say.
And so that's the solution.
Don't try to argue with them, don't try to have a discussion with them, don't try to
confront them and get a mediator and so forth.
Hopeless, absolutely hopeless according to psychological studies.
Now I wonder, of course, if psychologists have all studied what happens when someone's
born again?
I don't know if they acknowledge that actually happens, but those of us who are believers
know that God's pretty good at turning people from selfish to unselfish.
And from people that they are the center of the universe to where God becomes the center
the universe.
And he commands us to love others as we love ourselves.
He's acknowledging, interestingly enough, in that commandment that we do love ourselves.
And so that's the standard, we should love others just like we love ourselves.
We're all a little narcissist.
And God's in the business of curing little narcissist and he can cure big narcissist
as well by the same Holy spirit, nothing is too difficult for the Lord.
So with keeping all that in mind, the question that I posed at the beginning of this and
the last of the lesson was, how should Christians respond to narcissists?
And I think they should respond to them realistically in recognizing that the chances of them changing
are slim, but the way to do it is through the gospel.
Now you say, well, I'm dealing with a person who is a narcissist, has all the characteristics
of it, but they say they believe in Jesus and they're Christians.
Well, that does present a problem.
I don't know how a person who consistently displays the traits of being a narcissist
as defined by a psychological profile, a personality disorder, could actually be a Christian because
the work of the Holy spirit is real and he specializes in curing people.
And so what you might have as a person who thinks they're a Christian because they prayed
a prayer, or they got baptized, or they joined the church, or whatever, or they had some
kind of a moral reformation at one time and so forth.
But are they truly born again?
So here's why I say this, because if you then confront them, as again that will be a Christian
response, if your brother sins against you go to him.
Isn't that what Jesus said?
So if there's an outburst of anger by a narcissist against you, well then according to Jesus,
you should go to that person and confront that person.
Well, a Christian when confronted with facts of truth, Christians are supposed to yield
to the truth because we are lovers of the truth.
But again, one characteristic of the narcissist is that he is never wrong.
He doesn't take the blame for anything.
He would never get up in front of a crowd or even personally and say, "I'm sorry.
I blew it.
I didn't do the right thing.
Would you please forgive me?", because it's not his or her fault.
It's your fault.
I had a narcissist one time blow up on me and immediately justified it by saying, this
is the only way I can get you to listen, already justifying it.
And what he meant was it's the only way I can get you to do what I want you to do by
intimidating you, like a bully, like he'd done so many other times before and so many
other people had experienced it.
So I would say confrontation is the biblical response, but don't get your hopes up.
And then I would say sharing the gospel, trying to help them to see that ... I mean, the Bible
says that one of the works of the flesh is outbursts of anger and those that do such
things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.
This is in Galatians chapter five, read it for yourself.
Those were characterized by the works of the flesh, they give evidence to the fact that
they've not been truly born again.
And so that's the real problem, but thank God there's a real solution.
But again, God resists the proud and the narcissist has a big dose of that.
The narcissist thinks that they're so important that you can't make it without them.
Okay?
So that's probably not very encouraging advice, but hopefully it helps you to have something
to latch onto and least give a try.
But once you've tried that, Jesus talked about if they don't receive you, shake the dust
off at your feet and go on.
Now there are people that God knows he can't have relationships with, and so if God can't
have a relationship with them, how you and I are going to have a relationship with them?
Are we better than God?
Pretty unlikely.
Okay.
Well, out of time for today.
If you've never been to davidservant.org, got a wealth of biblical information there
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Avail yourself to that and it's all free.
Hope it'll be a blessing to you.
Until next time, may the Lord bless you.