Greetings children, it's me, Captain Disillusion. Thank you for all your excellent video suggestions.
It's great how you and I are on the same wavelength. We get it,
unlike the rest of society. Am I right?
(sighs)
People with their
opinions and natural reactions to things. They think music is cool
and jokes are funny and recipe videos are pleasant to watch. It's like everyone's in a cult.
Remember the alligator golf course video from last month?
Everyone was so amazed by the prehistoric creature strutting on the green,
but no one had the brains to figure out right away that it's fake. Obviously it can't be real because 'alligator too big.'
If you look at the pixels you begin to see that it looks all weird and stuff.
The walking seems - like, totally animated in like a
classic computer CGI graphics way and why is the guy not scared? I would be scared.
I mean it did happen in Florida
which is basically a pile of alligators shaped like a peninsula, and the people that golf there
did say this gator is almost like a mascot of the place that everybody knows, but still. I just don't think it looks
right and also this other angle taken from another phone is totally fake too.
It's actually kind of obvious when you know what to look for. Let me illustrate with another one of your requests.
Ah, here's a goodie - the Flyboard Air. A company that makes water jetpacks suddenly came out with a personal flying machine? Ha, as if.
Are we supposed to believe that
Technologies now exist that make an invention like this possible even though just a few years ago
they did not? I don't think so.
Just ask yourself, "have I ever seen jet turbines lift something that proportionally heavy?
And where's the fuel supposed to be? The backpack?
Oh. Well, what kind of fuel is it?
Well, how come the video has fake-looking edits during the landing? And I don't hear about how there are a bunch of other videos
of uninterrupted takes showing an entire flight or an official Guinness World Records breaking flight in front of a huge crowd.
When even a ufologist claims that the whole thing is an elaborate hoax, you know it's gotta be fake.
Debunked. What else you got? Talk to me Facebook.
Hm, let's see.
"When you get a chance, you know, not right away, may you debunk this?"
I sure may Zack.
(a woman screams)
Whatever this is, it's totally fake because just look at it.
Graphics don't float on water. They go on paper or skin. I certainly wouldn't be able to figure out how to do this
and Occam's razor dictates that therefore no one could.
So even if we type the word thats under the video into the internet and find a detailed article
about this printing technique. We can be sure that it's wrong
Wikipedia? Please. It's run by a cabal of critical-thinking
extremists obsessed with perpetual refinement of factual information through rigorous citation of credible sources.
You can't trust that (explicative).
(device starts malfunctioning)
But I don't have to tell you that. You're a proper skeptic
you know you can't trust anything you see on the internet or hear on the news anymore period. End of thought process.
[Captain D]: No!
What's more likely? That flimsy explanations about
exposure ratios, movement in a vacuum, or how Hollywood movie props aren't labeled with letters prove that we actually
went to the freaking moon like some sci-fi fairy tale?
Or that maybe it was filmed on a soundstage as part of a global conspiracy by the old powerful and extremely well-funded
government Organization, NASA.
[Captain D]: (banging on the glass) No! Stop!
Come on.
Humans getting into spaceships and risking their lives to prove that the Earth, our home
is just another rock and an endless void of rocks and dust. I'm not ready to accept that yet.
I'm not ready to accept that Paul McCartney
isn't a look-alike who was secretly enlisted into the Beatles after the real Paul died in a car crash in 1966. Look it up.
The evidence is everywhere. And I'm not ready to accept that a group of deeply misguided individuals
could put about as much effort as it takes to create one of my videos
into destroying two of the tallest buildings in the most iconic city in the western hemisphere and killing
three thousand people.
Those people
must have been actors.
They didn't die. The whole thing is a carefully orchestrated hoax by powerful people more capable than any of us
They do it all the time.
When a natural disaster a bombing or a shooting
causes innocent people to die,
it's probably not real.
And someone, even if they didn't have our best interest in mind,
was in control.
Because if no one was in control
that would be terrifying.
(an explosion)
[Captain D]: Enough!
It is terrifying,
but the terror
wears off, and if you're willing to endure feeling disillusioned for a while,
you get to see the world through new eyes.
A world where rationality and critical thinking lead to empathy and social growth.
[Imposter D]: Don't tell me about social growth.
[Captain D]: Who are you?
[Imposter D]: I'm Zeitgeist,
the spirit of the age.
And they're with me.
[Captain D]: If you're so popular, what's with the chameleon routine?
[Imposter D]: The Zeitgeist tends to change.
[Captain D]: Well, I tend to kick the ass of anyone who kidnaps me and messes with the minds of my viewers.
So let's settle this.
[Imposter D]: Not tonight, honey.
I have a headache.
[Captain D]: Listen to me: the power to tell real from fake doesn't come from being a world expert or
Mistrusting every single thing you see. It comes from an honest willingness to change your opinions and beliefs based on new facts.
So learn to enjoy being wrong.
The world might start making more sense.
You won't feel quite as out of step with the rest of humanity,
your words won't cause needless pain to people who suffered real tragedies, and the words of others
won't sway you into believing myths over truth.
You'll be able to
love with your heart, but use your head for everything else.