(gentle music)
- When we arrived just at the entrance to the harbour,
came back past the Round Tower
and you could actually see the people in the distance
and you were thinking,
"Goodness gracious, do we really deserve this
welcome back home?"
Because we'd been down there to do a job,
and of course, although we were happy to be home
we still had to think of
those 255 people didn't come back with us.
- But most of us coming home,
we didn't really wanna talk about it.
And we just wanted a peace and quiet,
so we could get over it and talk about it.
And for some of us, that was a long time,
'cause we found out later,
PTSD could be 10, 15 years down the line.
And I think most of us that came back
just got on with our jobs.
That was what you did.
- It was quite harrowing, sights that we saw.
The worst of all was that my lads suffered from
and I saw as well, was the dressing of the burns
and the wounds of the Welsh Guardsmen
that were burnt badly on the Sir Galahad.
And I'm still friends with a few of those today.
- It weren't 'til a day or two later,
I found out that when I was in the galley,
having a talk with everybody.
Everyone I'd been talking to was dead.
And so, I left at 10 to two,
at two o'clock, the missile came in and killed everyone,
I was just talking to.
And that's haunted me for years, survivor's guilt.
I wasn't supposed to be in the galley,
getting the hot water,
but still, it doesn't take away the guilt you feel.
Since I've talked to other people
and some of the widows of the people we lost
and it's not 'til the last couple of years
I've been able to tell 'em that,
"Well, actually I seen your son 10 minutes before he died,
and he was laughing and joking,"
and they was saying, "Oh, thanks for that."
I suffer from PTSD, have done since about 1988.
- I think one of the worst things that I have in my mind
is when one of our helicopters was shot down.
And when I was at the green and red machine
and they brought in the bodies
and that was quite eerie,
because the first thing went from my head and I thought,
"They got families, they got children,
they're no longer gonna see their dad anymore,"
and that's always stuck in my head.
- You still remember, you still remember.
And I don't just remember
on Remembrance Day or during the...
You remember every day, the people that were lost,
and we still meet up quite regularly.
And it's some people you may not have seen 'em
for a few years and you're just straight in chatting away
as if you'd only seen them the other day.
But yeah, it's yeah, as I said,
I try not to dwell on the past and just look forward.
- Yes, I would do it all again, every single minute of it.
But I think if I could change one thing
I'd rather go on a warship than a hospital ship.
because I don't like the memories I've got
and I don't like the feeling I have to go through.
And sometimes yes, I do cry.
But why?
Because it's the easiest way to get your feelings out now
is to cry, to have tears.
You get taught when I was a kid, big boys don't cry.
It's the biggest lie I've ever been told,
'cause big boys do cry.
And when you cry, for a few seconds
you always feel a bit better.
It's releasing that stress.
With heartfelt thanks to Barrie Jones — HMS Intrepid Alan 'Sharkey' Ward — HMS Herald Mark Edwards — HMS Yarmouth Chris Purcell — HMS Sheffield Derek 'Smokey' Cole — HMS Intrepid Joe Erskine — HMS Hydra Andy Gatherer — HMS Glamorgan John Galway — HMS Sheffield Philip Currier — HMS Hermes John Mathison — Royal Marines
Royal Armouries BBC South