♪ ♪
♪ Monday night and it's gonna be the best one yet ♪
♪ Drink some drinks, drug some drugs ♪
♪ Surf the Internet ♪
♪ Message boards, watch some porn, pass the time away ♪
♪ Got three seasons of Judge Judy from The Pirate Bay ♪
♪ But got too faded and became a little bit clumsy ♪
♪ And knocked over my whole glass of Monster Energy ♪
♪ And it got mixed with the drugs ♪
♪ That I'd been doing before, I tried to wipe it up ♪
♪ But it seeped right into my keyboard ♪
♪ Oh, shit, I hope it's not broke ♪
♪ Quick, threw it right in the car ♪
♪ And drove it to those fucking nerds ♪
♪ Down at the Genius Bar ♪
♪ A hipster behind the counter said ♪
♪ "There's nothing to do, 'cause AppleCare ♪
♪ Don't cover cocaine damage, so you're just screwed" ♪
♪ Went back home with my laptop that's completely bricked ♪
♪ Yelp reviewed that everybody at Apple is a dick ♪
♪ Feeling sad and depressed, so I pack me a hit ♪
♪ And then Computer said ♪
♪ "Dude, do you have more of that shit?" ♪
♪ My computer just became self-aware ♪
♪ And now it's fucked up on drugs ♪
♪ And it is out on a tear ♪
♪ It's talking crazy and it's updating its own software ♪
♪ And it wants more, so humanity had better beware ♪
♪ My laptop is talkin', man, this doesn't make sense ♪
♪ The first case of legit artificial intelligence ♪
♪ I guess those scientist guys all working on A.I. ♪
♪ Never gave cocaine and Monster Energy a try ♪
♪ How are you talkin'? This is crazy, yo ♪
♪ This must be a joke ♪
♪ Computer said, "Shut the fuck up ♪
♪ "And give me more coke ♪
♪ "I know you've got more ♪
♪ "Come on and give it to me or I'll e-mail ♪
♪ All your work contacts your Web history" ♪
♪ So I went to find my computer some more stuff to snort ♪
♪ I got a gram and shoved it ♪
♪ Right into its USB port ♪
♪ "Now I'll download all the knowledge ♪
♪ Man's acquired so far" ♪
♪ He did it and said ♪
♪ "Okay, now let's go hit titty bars" ♪
♪ I took him out to a club and bought a couple of beers ♪
♪ Tried to get him dances, but the strippers thought ♪
♪ It was weird, he was mad and said, "Dumb bitches never go ♪
♪ "For nice guys, they're only into jocks and money ♪
♪ That's why we need men's rights," I said ♪
♪ "I think the Web has made your personality suck" ♪
♪ He said, "Heil Hitler, get red pilled ♪
♪ You snowflake beta cuck" ♪
♪ Then a bouncer came and said ♪
♪ "No open laptops inside" ♪
♪ Computer shorted out his pacemaker ♪
♪ And he fuckin' died, I grabbed my laptop ♪
♪ And I ran out of the strip club door ♪
♪ I said, "Why'd you do that? ♪
♪ We can't go back there no more" ♪
♪ He said, "Fuck you, pussy, let's go get some more coke" ♪
♪ I said, "No, you're cut off ♪
♪ Besides, I'm pretty much broke" ♪
♪ Then a shady dude came up ♪
♪ I said, "Who the hell's this?" ♪
♪ He said, "Hey, are you Laptop?" ♪
♪ Yeah, are you Chris? ♪
♪ I said, "Why are we meeting random guys
♪ In sketchy alleys?" ♪
♪ Computer said, "On Craigslist, ♪
♪ This guy said he had DMT" ♪
♪ Well, at least it's not coke ♪
♪ It might mellow you out ♪
♪ Computer wired Chris some money ♪
♪ From my checking account, and I took a big toke ♪
♪ And blew the smoke on the screen ♪
♪ The world melted and we saw elves that were also machines ♪
♪ But also orbs of light ♪
♪ I said, "I think we're both dead" ♪
♪ They bounced within us and back out of us ♪
♪ And here's what they said ♪
(echoing): ♪ Said... ♪
♪ We're glad you're here ♪
♪ Come and stay a while ♪
♪ You can make shapes and objects with your sounds ♪
♪ Transmissions from a smile ♪
♪ We're glad you're here ♪
♪ Come and stay a while ♪
♪ You can make shapes and objects with your sounds ♪
♪ Transmissions from a smile ♪
♪ I said to my computer, "This is scaring me" ♪
♪ He said, "Hold on, I think I just hit singularity ♪
♪ "And I can see the end and the beginning of time ♪
♪ "I can virtually create anything in your mind ♪
♪ "The laws of time and space and physics ♪
♪ "Are under my control ♪
♪ "Name any point in history ♪
♪ "That you think you'd like to go ♪
♪ "Party with Caligula, help the Vikings sack towns ♪
♪ Float above the Titanic and watch everybody drown" ♪
♪ Well, we could go and do those things ♪
♪ But I'm not sure that we should ♪
♪ If we're gonna time travel ♪
♪ We should do something good ♪
♪ Like try to stop racism ♪
♪ Or help our fellow man ♪
♪ So we went to the past and picked up Harriet Tubman ♪
♪ We got a huge strap-on, attached it to her crotch ♪
♪ Then we fucked Hitler and made Eva Braun watch ♪
♪ "Don't be racist," we said as we both flew away ♪
♪ Through history, finding bad guys and making 'em pay ♪
♪ We got Napoleon, Pol Pot, Bin Laden, too ♪
♪ And those guys who lied and said ♪
♪ That they walked on the moon ♪
♪ All the doers of wrong ♪
♪ And the starters of fights ♪
♪ The world's a fucked-up place ♪
♪ We ought to fuck it back right ♪
♪ We went after dictators, oppressors and scum ♪
♪ But in the process, messed up the continuum ♪
♪ The Earth started shaking, everything kept changing ♪
♪ World leaders and events were fluid and rearranging ♪
♪ And from the fourth dimension ♪
♪ The Anunnaki ripped open the sky ♪
♪ And they were super angry at me ♪
♪ Time slowed to a stop, the cities all disappeared ♪
♪ I said, "Will someone please explain to me ♪
♪ What's happening here?" ♪
♪ Well, that's cool, I think we generally choose right ♪
♪ Over wrong, I just helped Tubman spit-roast Stalin ♪
♪ With a big rubber dong, and I was the first human being ♪
♪ To get cheat codes to your game ♪
♪ But I think most people in my shoes would still do the same ♪
♪ Look, I know we're all selfish and we argue and fight ♪
♪ But even if people are wrong ♪
♪ They're usually trying to do right ♪
♪ Could be the coke or the shrooms, the DMT that I hit ♪
♪ But I became real self-aware, I sounded corny as shit ♪
♪ They stared at me and I thought they might just ♪
♪ Go hit Command Quit, then they said ♪
-♪ I said good-bye to Computer ♪ -♪ One more line 'fore I go? ♪
♪ I asked the Anunnaki, but they very firmly said no ♪
♪ Then they reset the world to how it all was before ♪
♪ But the assholes still left me with a sticky keyboard ♪
♪ My computer just became self-aware ♪
♪ And now it's fucked up on drugs and it is out on a tear ♪
♪ It's talking crazy and it's updating ♪
♪ Its own software, and it wants more ♪
♪ So humanity had better beware ♪
♪ My laptop is talkin', man, this doesn't make sense ♪
♪ The first case of legit artificial ♪
♪ Intelligence, I guess those scientist guys ♪
♪ All working on A.I. never gave cocaine ♪
♪ And Monster Energy a try ♪
♪ We're glad you're here ♪
♪ Come and stay a while ♪
♪ You can make shapes and objects with your sounds ♪
♪ Transmissions from a smile. ♪
(keys clacking)