hey there Aubrey how's it going today I'm great how are you oh doing good I'm excited
to be here with you on the microphone what are we talking about today today's episode is going
to be fantastic it's going to be awesome I'm going to start it by asking you do you think
it's rude to say as I told you we will get to that later I love that you're asking that question it
is so important to know when we're being rude and when we're not I actually do think it can be rude
yes and when someone else says that to me it feels embracing it yeah as I told you because what what
are we implying when we do that yeah we're sort of dismissive we're implying you weren't listening
closely enough you made a mistake yes to ask this question at all and whoever hears this I feel like
is going to feel really shut down and dismissed and regret asking anything and ah these are all
things we don't want to have to feel yeah we want to build connection not break it and this would
mean the person may be hesitant in the future guys to come back to you and ask you another question
that's the last thing we want in business or life right Aubrey I have had those feelings
at church in like a Sunday school class I'll say like oh what do you think about this and just to
be really shut down oh no well as I have said in previous classes this is what's right and you just
feel like oh I'm not ever going to make a comment again not good so today guys we're gonna yeah this
is gonna be great we're gonna get into this as our listeners as you guys learn more vocabulary
you have to understand the connotation of that vocabulary yes for sure we got a great question
about this a couple of different questions that we want to share so we are going to share those
questions and give you all the details you need to know about this yeah but before we get into
that guys this month we're going to highlight some amazing members of our team and just take
a minute to say thank you you know all there is English would not happen if we didn't have
each of the members of our team and who are we highlighting today Aubry yes okay want to give
a shout out to Jandy she's amazing she joined our team in April of 2021 she is a rock star she does
some of our video editing and yeah we want to let her know we're so thankful that she's part of our
team yeah thank you so much candy for being an awesome member of all ears English and yeah we'll
be highlighting a few of our team members this month so excited to just let people know that
we appreciate them definitely okay let's dive in with today's questions all right first of all we
received an email from Larry shout out to Larry thank you for sending us this awesome question
yeah and I'll go ahead and read it okay is it rude to say to someone as I told you for example if I'm
explaining something to someone and she or he asks me something that I just mentioned and I say as I
told you this is does that phrase sound rude if it is rude please can you share different ways
to answer best regards to all of you Larry what a great question Larry's had some great questions
over the last couple of years this is not his first question so thank you to Larry for being
a loyal member of allers English awesome it's such a good question and it's so important to ask this
yes and this came up very recently in one of our live group classes as well yeah I'd say one
of our students who's amazing she asked this as well in one of your classes right Lindsay
yeah it was night day and it was also Sylvia actually I'm not sure who asked the question
but we were all in that class together and we were talking about we're wondering okay with this word
nonsense can this have a certain connotation of being aggressive and I said yeah it's a little
bit aggressive at times but then I realized wait it's not aggressive it's more dismissive is the
problem if you're not careful in the way you deliver this so that's the danger of this word
it can be powerful it can be useful but it can also be a little dismissive exactly so we are
going to share three things you guys four actually I think I planned four three yes four we're gonna
share four phrases that might be a little rude depending on how you share them or they might be
dismissive and we will share Alternatives what you should say instead alright what to avoid and what
to do all right so what's the first one Aubry our listeners are going to want to write this
down definitely so this the first one we shared here we're going to give you some more details
as I told you this can be rude and very blunt and very dismissive yeah we say it we say it
when we want to tell the person that they should listen more more closely right or maybe a teacher
or a presenter if a question is asked that has already been covered and they they're maybe a
little frustrated that someone isn't listening or maybe they've said there'll be a q a at the end so
they're sort of frustrated that someone didn't hear that but it is really going to make the
question asker not feel great yeah it's so it's so true as I told you it makes us feel like we're
not smart because we're asking this question or like we weren't listening it's just very critical
feels bad very critical yeah yeah um and part of being a professional a successful professional
is self-control right and and you know maybe you're thinking this but don't say it right
because that is a lack of self-control that's such a good point right don't beat yourself up if you
think this if you get frustrated you might want to say what we're suggesting you don't say as I
told you questions will be taken at the end of the presentation stop yourself and remember the
alternative that we're about to teach you that is less rude less blunt because you may really
need to get that question across right yeah yeah imagine if someone asks questions over and over
when you've clarified that a q a is at the end you maybe do need to make this point you have to do it
as respectfully as possible I love it I love it so I bet our listeners are ready for what they should
say instead Aubry what should we say instead of as I told you so a good alternative and this works
for emails as well as presentations it is the same message is to say as previously mentioned oh
it's so interesting it means the same thing but the direct as I told you is so in your face I told
you this but to respectfully say as previously mentioned this might maybe someone came in late
to a presentation they didn't hear this you're just letting them know this was mentioned or it
is a little bit of like you know I did say this I want to because maybe not everybody
heard it and you're gonna share like this wasn't my mistake to not share this it was mentioned but
this is respectful yeah what are we doing here with the grammar and we were putting this into
passive voice right exactly that's the biggest thing always less aggressive less rude it's more
passive it's more like there's no subject we're not pointing to anyone we're de-emphasizing the
subject of I and you yes right not my fault yeah one thing that was mentioned previously
we're also elevating the language so we're doing two things we're putting into passive voice and
we're elevating the the language it sounds more formal so both of this is kind of what we're
doing when we try to be less dismissive we try to make sure we don't dismiss people right all
of those things make it more respectful to make it more formal to put it in the passive voice we're
not accusing we're not criticizing it's true it takes away all of that negative connotation that
could be really offensive yeah and I guess there is a slight difference now that I think about it
being dismissive versus being direct so I'd say here what we're really doing is just avoiding
being direct yeah that's true right that's true yeah but it makes that it does make that change
where you're not being so dismissed so we have a mini role play after each of these four we're
going to do the little role play here to share how you guys can use this in real life right I'll go
ahead and start us okay the same scenario where you're giving a presentation and I interrupt with
a question sorry to interrupt your presentation again but I have another question as previously
mentioned we'll be taking any further questions during a q a after the presentation okay no
problem I would not I would be like oh she's right she said that I would not feel dismissed I would
feel very much like oh yeah I shouldn't have done that but I still feel respected yeah this is the
way to go guys especially at work and you know at home I wouldn't say this is too formal for at
home right but there's other ways and we'll talk about other ways to be less dismissive
so let's move in to the next one here Aubrey are you ready yes okay all right we're talking about
the next one which is the one that came up in the live group class all right yes and that is that's
nonsense right yes or very similar that doesn't make any sense these mean the same thing to say
that's nonsense or that doesn't make any sense and these are very rude and blunt right right
and my whole issue you know when it comes to you know the way we think about communication it's
about connection and the problem with this phrase that's nonsense is that you're not letting someone
be heard so it is a little different from the first example and that this truly is dismissive
right yes you are not listening to what they're saying and you're not giving it any air or room
to breathe or consideration exactly right so this is said when something really doesn't make sense
or to disagree like you may feel really strongly you disagree with someone to the point where you
feel justified in dismissing their opinion and you have to remember that even if you really disagree
and don't understand what they're saying saying you don't see where they're coming from you still
have to be respectful in your language exactly so how can we what can we do instead of saying
that's nonsense all right so the bad examples what are you talking about that's nonsense or
she's always spewing nonsense so rude here's an alternative right okay if you disagree you can
say I see where you're coming from but I disagree have you considered and this would be if you do
see where they're coming from maybe you're having a conversation and you can kind of understand the
point they're making sometimes and we're going to share one in the role play in a second if
you really don't see where they're coming from and you don't even feel comfortable saying I see where
you're coming from we'll share an example in a minute right then you could say interesting I
have to disagree have you considered both are respectful one you there are times where you
are not going to want to say I see where you're coming from yeah I mean the point is you're you're
providing more pushback which values them which shows them that you've actually thought about what
they've said that's the key one one word just saying one word and saying they're wrong like
nonsense again so dismissive so not giving them a chance not giving them the Dignity of showing
that you thought about what they've said guys okay Aubry what's next all right let's do a little mini
role play about this one you go ahead and start you and I are having a conversation conversation
and you share with me an opinion that I cannot say I see where you're coming from handle it here
we go so to summarize I think the Earth is flat interesting I disagree have you considered how
from a distance the tops of tall objects like mountains are visible well before their bases
which seems to be evidence of Earth's curvature I was hoping to throw you off a little bit I'm like
what would someone say that I couldn't say I see where you're coming from and this is it right yeah
that's all the photographers out there I can't I can't do it I don't know if anyone is anymore
I mean there are I know my dad's friend is he will have that debate he will have that conversation in
the Western United States there are flat earthers and they will go to their graves explaining to
you and tell I'm not going to criticize because our listeners might be Lindsay based on the fact
that I know someone in real life who believes they must there might be some yes right we
don't believe it is hard to believe but anyways that's yeah so there is some science there but
um you like all right so agree to disagree yeah this is an interesting phrase you can
always if you go back and forth a couple times and you realize they're not going to change your
mind you're not going to change your mind this is just a great phrase to end the conversation
respectfully just say agree to disagree and then change the subject I love it I love it so good
right and that's just saying we're never going to come to an agreement here and it's okay but
we can still be in the same space and respect each other yes let's do number three here this is very
rude but I have heard people in a conversation if someone says I think the Earth is flat someone
might respond with like that's stupid which is rude unkind very dismissive it does feel like a
value judgment about that person yeah and kind of like you felt Lindsay when I shared that example
when someone is saying something you disagree with so strongly you feel like there's so much
scientific evidence against it Yeah you sort of almost feel justified in saying something like
yeah that's stupid but you still should not right it's not respectful there is a better
alternative yes exactly so you know there are other things we can say so here's an alternative
I'm not sure that's accurate have you considered dot dot dot however sometimes especially these
days people can't really be convinced of things right you know and It's tricky because sometimes
someone will just say something that you know is inaccurate we're going to share a good mini role
play for this like a kind way to instead of just being like you're wrong or that's stupid
ways to say that yes out here we are working on a math equation in this role play Lindsay
okay let's do it yeah so to complete this math equation 36 times 6 is 360. I'm not sure that's
accurate let's check it on a calculator okay right you're not going to say that's stupid that's wrong
I know you're wrong I think it's just more kind especially in a work situation where it's not
like we're friends we can't joke about it and and tease each other it's more of like it's going to
be awkward if I tell you you're wrong maybe a little bit yeah and I think just looking at
talking about accuracy of the thing is better than saying like just saying that something was stupid
that someone said right absolutely yes and just like you said this takes a certain amount of tact
a certain amount of skill to realize how is what I say going to be perceived how is it going to be
come across and what alternatives could I use that would be less accusatory critical and mean okay so
we have one more for our listeners right guys this is number four You're Gonna Want to write this
down as that fourth one that could be dismissive okay okay what is it Aubry that's silly or that's
just silly and I do hear this people will say it if someone is making a poor decision it implies
childishness foolishness or frivolousness parents might say it to children but even they I believe
should choose better options I sometimes will say this and I'm like that's not what I meant I meant
to say yeah so what's a good alternative Lindsay well first before we go into that alternative
what's the bonus phrase that you just said frivolousness yes frivolousness if you guys
have the app this will definitely be highlighted though yeah it's not taking things seriously
enough right if you are frivolous you even take weighty important matters and make light of them
you don't take them seriously enough okay I like it I like it so here's what you can say instead
write this down guys I don't know if that's wise have you considered the possible outcomes
right so and yeah I like that you said I mean so would you say this to your kid like tell us more
about at home with your kids I mean would you or have you like do you have an example of when this
has happened and you've corrected yourself Aubry so I read this book I didn't even realize I was
not speaking to my children as respectfully as I should I read a book called How to talk so kids
will listen and listen so kids will talk I highly recommend it for anybody who has kids and this was
one of the tips in there was to just think about your language and how your children perceive it
and what message it sends to them so if you say that's dumb that's stupid that's foolish that's
silly yeah parents do sort of have a tendency to do because you're in the parental role whether
you feel justified in correcting them yeah even then the language of Correction could be I don't
know if that's wise let's think about what the outcomes would be let's think about the possible
consequences and decide together if we feel like that's a wise decision right and I also love
you know with the other suggestion here have you considered the possible outcomes in a way you're
giving that that kid a lot of autonomy and respect by saying that right you're assuming they have and
you're giving them the agency to go think about other things themselves yes and this certainly
works for co-workers for friends you will be in situations where someone is telling you a
decision they might make and if you really don't think it's a wise decision you would never want to
say that's silly that's dumb that's stupid this is something you could say I'm not sure that's wise
yeah considered outcome for sure yeah this is good this is good okay let's give our listeners a role
play Then here Aubry go for it so you and I are chatting about what we might invest in what stocks
and I'll start yes my friends are saying I should invest in Bitcoin oh I don't know if that's wise I
think it's at a three-month low maybe consider waiting a bit to see what happens nice I like
it right this could very much come up in every conversation at work yes it's just something you
don't feel like is a wise decision there are respectful ways to say that yes I love it so
what's the takeaway for our listening nurse I feel like this can be so powerful because guys words
can determine your relationships your connections how you do it work right with the people around
you yes we all know that person at work who does come across as really rude and condescending and
says things like this and I don't want to spend time with that person yeah just the takeaway is
many phrases do have a negative connotation can be interpreted as rude blunt offensive dismissive so
we want to think about Alternatives that really convey the meaning we want to convey yeah don't
break the connection right comes back to the human being in front of you they deserve respect and you
do respect them we know you do but sometimes if we choose the wrong words they're not going to know
that right Aubry exactly right and you can create awkward interactions because now you've made
them feel stupid or silly or shut down yeah the connection is broken is not going to go further
so avoid that avoid that by speaking respectfully yes our Alternatives I love it so good if you
love this kind of episode guys go ahead and hit follow on Ollie's English podcast alright Aubry
thanks for hanging out today it's been fun as always yeah so fun see you next time Lindsay bye