This is a production of World Video Bible School.
To God be the glory!
In the year 2000,
the United States Census Bureau predicted that
of all of the marriages taking place that year, 50% of them would
eventually end in divorce.
And this epidemic of divorce has caused such serious problems in our society
that everyone is touched,
even in the Lord's church.
You know, faithful elderships are constantly having to deal with this
heart-wrenching issue.
And Christians who are doing evangelism, sometimes feel like they've been hit by
a brick when the word "divorce" enters the conversation.
And maybe we don't teach on it, maybe we don't preach on the subject enough.
Seems like we preach on it a lot, but maybe it's not enough when you consider
how big this problem really is.
And so, today we want to present a very basic outline of what God has to say
on the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage.
And then we're going to deal with some errors that relate to this subject.
Now, the clearest, most straightforward passage that I know in the Bible
on the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage,
is in Matthew 19.
And so, that's where we're going to begin; and if you have a Bible in front of you,
you might want to follow along Matthew, chapter 19.
We're going to begin reading in verse number 1.
The Bible says: "Now it came to pass,
when Jesus had finished these sayings,
that He departed from Galilee
and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
And great multitudes followed Him,
and He healed them there.
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him,
'Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife or any reason?'"
Now, I want you notice that the text says that the Pharisees came to Him,
tempting Him.
Now, immediately we learn that
the question these Pharisees were asking Jesus
was not from a pure motive.
They weren't asking because they sincerely wanted to know the answer to the question.
They were asking because they hoped to trap Jesus.
You see, amongst the Jews of that day,
the people were greatly divided on this question of marriage and divorce.
And you know, it's interesting that many people today are divided on this question.
But I think it's worth noting, as you will see, there was a right answer.
And still today, there is a right answer to this question.
Now, there were two schools of thought amongst the Jewish leaders.
One thought was from the school of Hillel, a Jewish rabbi.
And this school taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason,
for the slightest offense, or even if he just disliked her person or manner.
And they based their opinion on Deuteronomy, chapter 24, in verse 1
which says:
"... that she finds no favor in his eyes..." then he may give her a bill of divorcement.
Now, the other school of reasoning was that of the school of Shammai.
Those who held to this line of thought,
believed that a man could only divorce his wife for adultery.
And they based their thinking, interestingly, on the same passage of scripture,
Deuteronomy 24, and verse 1,
but on the section which says:
"... because he has found some uncleanness in her..." he may put her away.
And they interpreted this "uncleanness" to refer to adultery.
And so, these Pharisees came to Jesus, not looking for the truth,
but hoping to trap Jesus.
They hoped to turn one of the groups against him. So they asked him,
"Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
Now, the King James says, " for every cause."
Now listen to verse 4: "And He answered and said to them,
'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning "made them male and female,"
and He said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh"?
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together,
let not man separate.'"
Now, I want you to the notice from verse 4,
that Jesus asked them the question,
"Have you not read...?"
They came to Him asking a question about marriage and divorce,
and Jesus went back to the source of authority.
Jesus did not say, "Well, I feel," or "I think,"
or... "You know, it seems to Me."
Jesus said, "Have you not read..."
He went back to the source of authority on marriage.
And, of course, that is the written Word of God.
And, you know, that seems like the obvious thing to do.
But many people don't do that today. Many people today
seem to turn to everything except the Bible to make decisions about marriage.
I had a man call the church building one time where I was preaching.
He wanted to know if I would perform his marriage.
He had been married two or three times previously,
and now he was getting married a fourth time and he wanted me to perform the ceremony.
And incidently, he'd been put away all three previous times.
And I told him that I could not perform his marriage
because he had no scriptural right to be married.
You know what he said to me?
He said, "You don't understand. This woman is a good woman." He says, "She's a good woman."
You see, apparently in his reasoning, the fact that she was a good woman
would make it okay.
But you see, Jesus did not appeal to emotions or strange reasoning or even his feelings.
Jesus said, "... Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning
'made them male and female...'"
"... At the beginning..."
I want you to go back with me in your minds to the beginning.
Adam is alone in the garden of Eden. Genesis 2:15 says,
"Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it."
Now verse 18:
"And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make
him a helper comparable to him.'" Verse 21
"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept;
and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man and He made into a woman,
and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.'"
Now when Jesus said, "... Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning..."
Jesus was pointing back to this event. And he's going back to the beginning
when there was one man and one woman and they were joined together by God.
And so, when the Pharisees came to Him asking Him about divorce,
He referenced the very first marriage.
Alright, back to Matthew 19, and look at verse 6
He says, "... So then, they are no longer two but one flesh..."
You know, sometimes the question arises
when are two people actually married?
Are they actually married at the conclusion of the wedding ceremony,
or is it sexual union that constitutes marriage?
And absolutely, the answer to the question must be
when the ceremony is finished and the marriage license is signed, they are married.
Otherwise, you have a man and a woman going to spend their first night together
on their honeymoon, and they're not even husband and wife.
And it would also mean that everything leading up to the sexual act itself
would be sinful.
Well, Jesus said, "...they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
You know, it's very interesting to me that the Pharisees came to Jesus asking,
"For what reason can a man divorce his wife?"
And Jesus answered, "Don't divorce."
He said, "... What God has joined together let not man separate"
Well, the Pharisees might have thought, "Alright, we've caught him.
He said, 'Don't divorce,' but Moses said it was okay."
Alright, here's the controversy, verse 7:
"They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce,
and to put her away?" Verse 8:
"He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts,
permitted you to divorce your wives,
but from the beginning it was not so."
Jesus said that when God design the home and the institution of marriage,
He never intended for it to be corrupted the way that men have made it.
He never intended for men to get tired of their wives and to put them away.
He never intended for adultery to take place and for fornication to occur.
But men and have brought about this corruption.
And "... Moses, because of your hardness of hearts" suffered divorce.
But this was not the way it was from the beginning.
Alright, now the exception to the rule, verse 9:
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,
except for sexual immorality..." the word here's "fornication,"
"... and marries another, commits adultery;
and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Now, let me restate what Jesus is saying here.
He is saying, "He who divorces his wife and remarries commits adultery."
Now this is the rule: "He who divorces his wife for any reason and marries another
commits adultery." That's the rule.
And then He gives one exception to the rule.
That exception is, "If he puts her away for fornication."
Now the New King James says "sexual immorality,"
but that's not the best translation of the original Greek word.
Sexual immorality could refer to the viewing of pornography or lust of the heart.
But that's not the meaning of this word. The Greek word here is "pornea."
It refers to "elicit sexual intercourse."
The King James more accurately translates this word as "fornication."
This word includes a wide range of things.
Certainly it includes adultery and homosexuality and bestiality.
But this exception, fornication is the only one that Jesus made
that would allow a man to divorce his wife and remarry without sinning.
Let's apply this rule. Let's say that there's a man in the first century
and he marries a woman.
And a few years down the road, the man decides that he's going to divorce his wife.
And then later, after some time passes, he decides he wants to remarry.
How would this man know whether or not he has the right to get remarried?
He simply needs to ask himself,
"Do I fit into the exception of Matthew 19:9
Am I an individual who has put away my spouse for fornication?"
And if the answer is "no"
then that man cannot remarry or else he is an adulterer.
Now, what if the reason the man divorced his wife was "incompatibility."
What if he just said, "We just can't get along.
She's difficult and I don't enjoy being with her, and so I'm going to divorce her."
Could he remarry?
The answer is "no."
He did not meet the exception of Matthew 19:9.
Well, what if the man divorced his wife because he said,
"I just don't love her anymore."
You know, that's one of the popular reasons in our day,
"I just don't love her anymore."
Well, under these circumstances he could not remarry,
because he doesn't meet the exception of Matthew 19:9.
Now, somebody might say,
"Well, that sounds awfully strict. You know, that seems very, very difficult
for the Lord to be laying out something like that."
Well apparently, the Lord's disciples thought the same thing.
I want you to listen to verse 10, listen to their response:
"His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife,
it is better not to marry.'"
Now, the disciples were essentially saying,
"This is really strict. If this is the way it is,
maybe a man would be better off not to get married."
Now, for those people today who will say,
"I can't believe God's law would be that strict," or, as some people have said,
"I just can't believe the Lord would expect me to live the rest of my life unmarried,"
they need to go back and look at the comments of the Lord's disciples.
Because they recognized that God's law on marriage is very strict.
Now, listen to Jesus' response in verse 11:
"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying...'"
Now what saying is He talking about?
Some people think He's talking about the law that He has just stated
pertaining to marriage.
I don't think that's it.
I think he's responding to the disciple's statement.
They said, "Hey, this is really strict. Maybe it's better not to get married."
And he says that doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone can accept that.
Keep reading.
He says, "'... but only those to whom it has been given...'"
That is, some people can take that route,
or maybe I should say, not take that route.
Okay, verse 12:
"For there are eunuchs
(people who remain sexually inactive, who can't engage in the intimacies of marriage)
who were born thus from their mother's womb,
and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men..."
That is, this has physically been done to them.
You know, sometimes this has happened in history,
individuals like Daniel and his three friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego,
were physically maimed
so as to take away their ability for the intimacies of marriage.
He says, "... and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs
for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it,
let him accept it."
Now, what does this last part refer to: "those who have made themselves eunuchs
for the kingdom of heaven's sake...?"
Well, this could refer to several different things,
but I believe at least one example of this would include people who have
lost the scriptural right to get married
and so, for the kingdom of heaven's sake,
that is so they can go to heaven,
they remain unmarried.
They understand the commandment of Matthew 19:9,
and that they have no choice but to remain single if they desire to be right with the Lord.
And so, for the kingdom's sake,
they have made themselves eunuchs. That is, they remain celibate.
Now friends, that's the basic outline of God's law on marriage, divorce and remarriage.
Now, with this established, let's discuss some of the errors
that are being taught on this particular subject.
Okay, here's the first one, error number 1.
Some people incorrectly teach that: "Baptism washes away unscriptural marriages."
Now, the idea behind this doctrine
is that if a person entered into an unscriptural and adulterous marriage
before he became a Christian, that,
after he is baptized, or when he is baptized,
that adulterous marriage becomes a nonadulterous marriage
and he can then remain in that marriage relationship.
And somebody might say, "Well you know, that kind of makes sense because
baptism washes away all sins." But friends, you see,
there's a major problem with this and it's called "repentance."
Before a person can be forgiven of any sin, he must first repent.
That is true of stealing.
It's true of idolatry.
It's true of lying. It's true of homosexuality.
And it is true of an adulterous marriage.
You see, in God's eyes a person living in an adulterous marriage
is living in constant sin.
And every time that man sleeps with his wife, he's committing adultery.
And in order to be forgiven of that sin, he must stop committing it.
In fact, think about it this way.
Let's say that you have two men who are married, two homosexuals.
And they are later baptized.
Does baptism change a homosexual marriage into an honorable one?
No, it doesn't. Why not?
Because they haven't repented. The sin continues.
You see, repentance demands that they stop living in sin.
What about a polygamous marriage?
Will baptism change a polygamous marriage into an honorable one?
And again, the answer is "no."
Repentance demands that they stop the polygamy.
You see, the point that we're making is
that repentance demands that a person stop the sin.
And certainly, an adulterous marriage is not an exception to this rule.
And so, two people in an unscriptural, adulterous marriage have to cease that relationship.
Okay, error number 2.
A second error that some people teach is that:
"Non-Christians are not amenable to the law of Christ."
And basically, the doctrine goes like this:
they'll say Matthew 19 and the laws of marriage
are part of God's covenant law for Christians.
And so, before a person becomes a Christian, they'll say,
"God's covenant laws don't apply to him."
And so, they would say,
"If a man enters into an unscriptural marriage before he becomes a Christian,
he's not sinning." Because they would say
he's not in violation of Matthew 19, because it didn't apply to him.
And even if he has been married and divorced, unscripturally,
ten times before he becomes a Christian, that's irrelevant.
Because they'll say it didn't apply to him at that time.
He can keep the wife that he has at the time that he's baptized.
Because at that moment, they would say,
God's law concerning marriage begins to be applicable to him.
Friends, this is an absolutely false position.
"God's law applies to everyone."
Acts 17 and 30 says, "Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked,
but now commands all men everywhere to repent."
Now, the point of this passage is that, in the past, there were things God overlooked,
especially with regard to the Gentiles.
But now, "All men are amenable to the law of Christ."
You know, it's sometimes argued that there are certain laws that apply to Christians,
but do not apply to non-Christians.
The argument they'll make is this. They'll give the example...
they'll say, "The command to partake of the Lord's Supper",
they'll say, That's only for people in a covenant relationship with God."
And so, they would say the same is true, therefore, for other things, for example,
marriage.
Friends, this is a silly argument.
The truth is that God has commanded all men everywhere world to repent
and to obey the Gospel.
And then he expects them to engage in all of the appropriate acts of worship that follow.
And just because a man hasn't properly yet prepared himself
doesn't mean that God's law doesn't apply to him.
That would be like saying that a man who doesn't believe yet
isn't commanded to be baptized.
Of course he's commanded to be baptized.
Now, he needs to believe first, but the command to be baptized still applies.
Friends, "God's law on marriage applies to all of humanity."
In 1 Corinthians 6, verse 9 and 10, the Bible says:
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,
nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners
will inherit the kingdom of God." Now, listen to verse 11:
"And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified,
but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus by the Spirit of our God."
Now, did you notice that they were viewed as "adulterers?"
Did you notice the word "adulterers?"
Even before they became Christians, they were viewed as adulterers.
Friends, that means that God's marriage law applied to them
before they were washed and sanctified, before they were baptized.
Okay, let's move to a third one. Error number 3.
Some people will suggest that, if fornication occurs,
then both parties in the marriage are free to remarry.
Friends, this is not taught in the Bible.
It is sometimes argued by these folks that if the innocent party,
the one who didn't commit adultery, is freed from the marriage bond
and is therefore free to remarry, then they'll say the guilty party must also be free.
And they would say because if the marriage is dissolved for one,
it must of necessity, be dissolved for the other.
But Matthew 19:9 is written in such a way as to release the innocent
while binding the guilty.
It reads, "... whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality (fornication),
and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced
commits adultery." And, if you are the guilty party,
you are not one who has put away your spouse for fornication.
Therefore, you cannot remarry.
God's law has restricted you in this way.
Friends, Matthew 19:9 is written to protect the innocent,
not to release the guilty.
In fact, just imagine with me the implications of this if this doctrine were true.
It would mean that if a man were tired at of his marriage.
he could just cheat on his wife so that she would divorce him,
and then he could have God's approval to remarry.
It would mean that God would let me remarry,
and all I would have to do to get that right is to commit adultery. It's absurdity.
Okay, here's another error. Here's error number 4.
It is suggested by some people
that if children have been conceived into an adulterous marriage,
that God would then desire for you to keep that home intact and not to separate, not to divorce.
In fact, on one occasion, someone handed me a note with this question on it
and it was phrased like this:
"If a couple marries and has children and then years later,
discovers they are in an unscriptural marriage,
does God expect them to break their home? Doesn't God hate divorce?
Do two wrongs make a right?"
Well, that's the way they stated it.
And certainly, two wrongs don't make a right.
But that's not what we're talking about here.
If a person is living in an unscriptural marriage, that is wrong.
But separating from an unscriptural marriage is not wrong.
It's never wrong to stop living in sin. As a matter of fact, it's required.
Matthew 19:9 says that these people are living in adultery,
and they cannot continue in that with God's blessing.
In fact, let's think about it this way. Let's say that there are two people
who are homosexuals, and they are living in a state that recognizes homosexual marriages.
And, let's say that one of them learns and obeys the Gospel.
And so he understands he can't remain in this marriage
and that it is a sinful relationship in the eyes of God.
Divorcing, or separating, is not a wrong thing to do under those circumstances.
In fact, they cannot continue in that situation and be pleasing to God.
And the same thing is true with regard to an unscriptural marriage of a man and a woman.
Now, the question asked, What if children are involved? What if you have a family?"
Certainly that makes it more difficult from an emotional standpoint.
But it doesn't change the fact that the marriage is an unscriptural, unlawful one.
Let me give you an Old Testament example that might help shed some light on this situation.
In the Old Testament,God did not permit His people, the Jews,
to marry people of heathen nation's.
Deuteronomy 7, verse 3 says: "Nor shall you make marriages with them.
You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son.
For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods;
so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you."
Now, some of the Israelites ignored God's law about this and they did it anyway.
And they married wives of the heathen, and they even had children with them.
But did that change God's law with regard to the people they could marry?
Listen to Ezra, chapter 10, verses 10 and 11:
"Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them,
'You have transgressed and have taken pagan wives, adding to the guilt of Israel.'"
Now, listen to verse 11: "'Now therefore, make confession to the Lord God of your fathers,
and do His will; separate yourselves from the peoples of the land, and from the pagan wives.'"
You see, these people had violated the law of God.
And they could not "remain in a relationship contrary to the will of God,"
with his approval, whether or not there were families or children involved in this or not.
And neither can people today do that.
You know, it's true that God hates divorce.
God hates the putting away of a scriptural and proper marriage.
But, right now we're talking about a relationship that He never approved of in the first place.
I might add this.
Even if the couple does what's right and they separate and and there's a family,
even if they separate, that daddy should still support and take care of his children.
Because that's the right thing to do.
Okay, a fifth thing that some people would suggest is that if you are in a scriptural marriage,
a God-approved marriage, and you decide you want to divorce,
for a reason other than fornication... that is, maybe you're just not happy in the marriage,
they would say that you can do that. And you can have God's approval to do that,
so long as you don't remarry. That is, you can divorce, with God's approval,
That is, you can divorce, with God's approval, if you want to, just remain unmarried.
But friends, the fact is, that simply is not true.
When you enter into marriage, God joins you to that other person.
And along with the joining, comes all of the obligations of marriage.
Ephesians 5:25 says: "Husbands, love your wives..."
It doesn't say, "Unless you decide to leave her,
and you can do that if you want to, just remain unmarried."
1 Peter 3:7 says: "... dwell with your wife according to knowledge..."
Dwell with her according to knowledge, and again, it doesn't say,
"Unless you decide to walk away and then just remain unmarried."
Ephesians 5:24 and Titus, chapter 2 and verse 4,
commands that wives love and be subject to their own husbands. Again, it doesn't say,
"Unless things get really tough and then you can just remain unmarried."
If you decide that you're simply going to divorce, and no adultery has occurred,
then you are in violation of all of these passages.
God has not separated you because no fornication has occurred.
In 1 Corinthians, chapter 7 and verse 10, the Bible says:
"... Let not the wife depart from her husband."
The ESV says it this way: "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord):
the wife should not separate from her husband."
Now, I had a study with a family one time, and they were contemplating divorce.
And so I pointed out to them that the only reason that God allows divorce is for fornication.
And one of the family members spoke up and said, "No, no, no. That's not right.
The Lord allows divorce. But he only allows divorce and remarriage for fornication.
You can divorce if you want to. You just have to remain single."
That's what the person said.
Friends, you can't just divorce if you want to. It's a sin against God. God hates divorce.
Jesus said: "... what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."
And God will not unjoin, or dissolve, that marriage
for a reason other than fornication.
And so, if I'm unhappy in my marriage, I can't just decide that I'm going to abandon my marriage,
and just remain single, and that God's going to be okay with that decision,
because He's not.
Malachi 2 says that: "... God hates divorce..."
And the only time that I can get a divorce with God's approval, and thus without sinning,
is if I'm putting away my spouse for fornication.
Error number 6.
If a person's spouse abandons him or her,
then he or she is freed from the marriage and would thus have the right to remarry.
And, they would even say that 1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches this.
Friends, this is absolutely incorrect, and it is not taught in the Bible.
This is what 1 Corinthians 7:15 says:
"But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart.
A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases:
but God has called us to peace."
Now, some people have suggested that the Apostle Paul here is
giving a second reason that a person made divorce and remarry, with God's approval,
and that is abandonment.
And so they would say, "If your spouse just runs off,
then you're free to remarry with God's approval.
And they believe that the phrase "not under bondage" in this verse
suggests that you are free from the marriage. You're not under bondage to the marriage,
and thus you are free to remarry.
Well, if that were true, then the phrase "except it be for fornication"
stated by Jesus in Matthew 19:9, would be contradicted.
And secondly, the very text of 1 Corinthians 7, states the opposite of this.
What if your spouse abandons you? What do you do? What is your situation?
Listen to verses 10 and 11:
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:
A wife is not to depart from her husband. But if she does depart,
let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
And a husband is not to divorce his wife."
And so God commands the spouse not to leave.
But if she does sin, and she leaves anyway, He says, "Don't divorce her."
You are still married to that person. You are not free from that marriage.
So, somebody says, "What does 1 Corinthians 7:15 mean?"
Let me read this to you out of the English Standard Version:
"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so.
In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.
God has called you to peace."
Friends, what it means is this. If your unbelieving spouse says,
"You quit this Christianity stuff or I am leaving.
You let go of Christianity and God or I'm out of here."
The Lord is saying, "Let the person go. You're not a slave to him or her.
Be faithful to the Lord."
Friends, I'm not going to tell you that all of the marriage/divorce scenarios are simple.
Because I have certainly heard some that were difficult to sort through.
But I know that God's basic law about marriage and divorce is not hard to understand.
It says:"Stay married."
And there's one exception, granted by God, as a concession to the innocent,
and that is fornication.
You can put away your spouse for fornication and remarry
with God's approval.
Now, why does God allow this one exception?
I think it's because He knows how it feels.
When we commit spiritual adultery against Him, He knows what it feels like.
The law of God is: "One man
and one woman
for life."