- Where in the world is Superwoman today?
L.A.!
What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman
with this lighting situation.
My set makeup might look a little bit cray,
so if I look cray, allow.
I went on my Facebook and I asked,
"What do you lovelies what to see for super Thursday?"
and someone suggested types of drivers,
and I was like, to be honest,
I've been wanting to do this video for a really long time
because there's some whack people up on the streets.
Also, my voice is randomly disappearing
and I'm sounding like a man.
This is a good start!
Anyways, grab yourself a drink and a friend
and get ready to relate.
Huh!
Oh, I don't have a friend, that's right.
I'm alone.
Is this water free?
This is not even that good.
I should start the video.
Number one, the multi-tasker.
Now, I know this is horrible, but we've all done this
at some time or another.
We've all multi-tasked while driving.
It is the worst!
But there are some people who do this on a regular basis.
Who, every time when they're in the car,
they're doing seven things while driving.
Sitting behind the wheel texting, smoking,
eating, shuffling through their iPod.
Doing everything except driving safely.
Or like, taking selfie.
Okay girl, I get it.
Girl, I get it, okay?
You're up on the highway going 100 kilometers an hour, okay,
in the middle of the road and you're just like,
"Okay, this light right now is doing it for me.
"I need to take a selfie."
Your priorities get squished at that moment.
You're just like, "Yo, my eyes look phenomenal right now.
"Look at my eyes, they're magical in this light
"on this highway.
"My eyes be looking like the ocean
"Rose dropped her necklace into.
"I need to take a selfie."
I get it, but my question to you is, okay,
if you die while taking the selfie,
who is gonna filter and post that ish?
Get your mind straight!
Because if you're dead, your selfie game is weak.
Because straight up, some of you girls are ridiculous.
I've seen girls put on a full face of makeup while driving,
and I'm just like, okay, how are you driving,
winging your liner, stretching your face,
and making a left turn at the same time?
Because the last time I checked, you weren't Ganesh.
Okay, so you ain't got four arms.
You got four arms?
If you got four arms, let me know.
Just think about how stupid your tombstone will look, okay?
Just like, died for a smoky eye.
And what if you only finished one eye and not the other?
Honestly, it'll be like, (claps hands)
we are gathered here today to celebrate the life
of two-face.
Batman finally did it!
Effin' died looking like a Scarface poster.
Stop! Stop that!
Numero dos, (snaps fingers) the solo performer.
Now, this is the person who turns driving into an event.
You know, they're cruising along, okay,
just minding their own business,
driving until their song comes on.
You know what I'm talking about.
That song.
That song that transforms the car into a concert stage
and the road ahead into thousands of screaming fans.
Because when I'm driving and my song comes on,
I'm just like.
♫ Eh gonna clean
♫ My room gonna clean
♫ My room gonna get ♫
I cannot express to you how much this person is me.
The only reason I get into a car
is to have an imaginary concert.
Like, I don't get why I would even enter a vehicle,
what, to get from one place to another?
Ew, lame.
Because outside this car, I'm Lilly, okay?
Lilly with acne and trust issues.
Inside this car, I'm effin' Riri, okay?
♫ And I'm four, five seconds from wildin' ♫
Ah, that really hurt.
Hey, can I tell you something?
So many times in the middle of my solo performance,
some next rude car in some next lane comes drives up
and he's just like.
And I'm just like, hi, don't judge me.
You're killing my vibe because I'm all up here
with my spirit fingers.
And you're looking all up at me like hi.
Can you not recognize all the superstardom
up in this car right now?
Don't be looking at me like that, okay?
This car should be verified on Twitter.
That's how superstar it is.
Number three, the bumper humper.
Giggity giggity.
So, you ever be sitting in your car at a red light,
and even though you cannot move forward,
you look in your rearview mirror and the car behind you
just keeps inching forward?
And you're just like, "Brah.
"Are you trying to jump over my car?"
Because this is a road with real vehicles, okay?
This ain't checkers.
And then even when you're driving,
you're driving the speed limit, maybe even a little bit
above the speed limit,
but the person keeps driving so close to you,
giving you no space.
There ain't no space.
There's no bubble, okay?
Ain't no hubba bubba to be had up in here.
It's like those people who talk too close to your face
and don't understand how uncomfortable it is.
Like this.
You're doing that, but on the road.
It's like, dude, why you so up on my ish?
Why don't you just go around me?
Why you up on the road turning this place into a Soca jam?
Huh, you trying to mosh my bumper like,
hi, did you even buy my Honda dinner?
Trying to push up on my Honda.
Did you even friend my Honda on Facebook
before you tried to get all this junk in the trunk?
Homeboy just grinding on my Honda.
This ain't no R. Kelly music video, okay?
This is a residential street.
Behave yourself!
Number four, the parking flop.
Now, there are some drivers out there who are good drivers.
No, dare I say great drivers?
Dare I say the champion of drivers?
Like, if this was Mario Kart, they'd be cruising
through Rainbow Road with their eyes closed, okay?
And I am one of those drivers, kinda maybe.
Okay, maybe not cruising through Rainbow.
I fall off usually, but I'm a pretty good driver.
But, when it comes to parking, I am a hot effin' mess.
In fact, like, 90% of the car accidents I've ever had
in my life, happened in a parking lot
while I was driving one kilometer an hour,
usually with a parked vehicle.
Or like a pole.
Or like a tree.
Okay, that wasn't a parking lot,
but that was just because I wasn't paying attention,
but honest, that tree came out of nowhere!
I'm that person who parks at the back of a parking lot
because I'm too scared to park in any of the closer spots.
And then I have to park there and say something stupid
to my passenger.
"Oh yeah, I like to park back here because, you know,
"uh exercise, it's good for exercise,
"and I don't want to be lazy."
Eff that!
I'm so lazy!
If I could, I would Uber it from the back of the parking lot
to the mall door, okay?
But I have to say that to you because I can't park.
Also, the idea of parallel parking terrifies me
because that's just unnatural.
Let me get this straight, hold on.
You expect me to stop in the middle of traffic
and then reverse in between two cars
without hitting the curb?
Okay, that's laughable.
I honestly would win the game Operation drunk
before I ever parallel park.
I could give that man, I could give him a heart transplant
with no buzzing before I parallel park.
And as far as I'm concerned, if you can parallel park well,
you're a wizard and a witch.
Both, you're a wizard, you're a.
Wait, how I can ship those two names?
Witch, yo witchzersian to wizzurch?
Oh my God.
Anyways, this one time, I tried to parallel park in L.A.
Yeah, let's just say, the next day, the curb
had to see a therapist
because I abused it that much.
Number five, the speed bully.
I swear to God, sometimes I feel like people on the road
have a death wish because I'll be driving
at my normal pace with all these other vehicles
and we'll be, you know, driving as civilized people
and then this car will show up and just like.
(imitates car accelerating and speeding)
And you'll know they're creating chaos
'cause everyone else in their cars will be like,
"God, look at this guy!
"Ohy my God, driving so fast."
So then people start moving out of their way
because they feel bullied,
because this person is bullying people
to move out of the way.
You're basically stealing our lunch money, but on the road.
And the first thing that comes to my mind
when I see this person is like, honestly,
where the hell are the cops now?
Because I swear to God, I could be driving
and just glance at my phone,
be like this to my phone, and then like.
(imitates police car siren)
And someone would be pulling me over,
so why is the cop never here in these situations?
One of them going super saiyan up on the road.
This situation reminds me of my mom
because my mom always stays in the car
yelling at these people as if they can hear her.
She'll be like, "Ask him where he going?
"Ah, there he go.
"Where you going so fast, huh?
"You tell me, tell me!"
And then when the person doesn't respond
because they're in a different car miles ahead
and cannot hear her, she gets even more upset.
"You stupid, you will crash and die!
"Where's the bloody police, huh?
"Where's the police?"
Which leads me to my next person.
I'll just walk over here.
Number six, the mime.
Now, this person is just straight up angry
while on the road.
And it might be totally valid or it might not be valid,
but the point is, they fail to realize that vehicles
are not cell phones.
Your message does not get delivered through voice.
You ever see someone angry at you on the road
and they drive by and they're just like?
And I'm just like, dude, I don't know what you're saying
because in my car, I'm up in here listening to Taylor Swift
and all I see is this.
♫ I stay out too late
♫ Got nothing in my brain ♫
Which I guess, to be fair, could be a Taylor Swift
music video if she breaks up with someone, but like yo.
(sighs) I love Taylor Swift.
Anyways.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
If you did, make sure you give it a big thumbs up
and comment below.
You can check on my last video right there.
Also, I'm in L.A. right now for the MTV movie awards
and I'm so excited to be attending.
You can check out the movie awards.
All the information on how you can watch them
are in the description, so make sure you do that
'cause it gonna be exciting.
Also before I go, I gotta tell you, if you live in India,
I made you a promise that I was gonna make up
for the whole ticket thing that happened before.
Check my Instagram or my Twitter to find out how
you can come on a trip to Unicorn Island with me.
I always keep my promise.
Other than that, make sure you subscribe
because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday
and I want you to be there.
One love Superwoman, that is a wrap!
And zoom!