(pencil scratches paper)
(birds chirp)
(knock on door) - Yeah?
- Hey, kiddo. Can we talk?
- Yeah, sure. About what?
- Well, we found this pregnancy test when we emptied the trash.
- Oh. (chuckles)
Guess I should've thrown that out somewhere else, huh?
- Look, Becca.
We want you to understand that we love you and we are not mad.
We only want to help.
- We just need to know who the father is.
- (sighs)
Sludge Johnson.
- The sewer boy?
- Yes, Dad. Sludge Johnson, the boy who stalks the sewers.
- You're telling me that you had...
intercourse with that sewer-dwelling teenage transient,
Sludge Johnson? - (firmly) Yes.
- (dismayed) Why?
- Why does it matter?
- Because there are hundreds of other regular boys
who you could've slept with who live in houses,
and they aren't blinded by the harsh rays of daylight.
- Okay, honey, let's not encourage our daughter
to sleep with hundreds of boys. - I'm sorry, okay? You're right.
I'm just... surprised.
- And maybe it was just a mistake.
I made a few mistakes when I was your age.
- Wasn't a mistake. I love him.
- You love a boy who can only go out at night
and gathers trash like a raccoon?
- Is that so hard to believe? How old were you when you met Mom?
- This is not about his age.
- I knew you wouldn't understand.
That's why I've already talked to Sludge Johnson.
We've decided that we're going to raise this trash baby together.
- You are NOT raising a trash baby.
I don't know what a trash baby is, but you're not raising one!
- Okay, okay, calm down, David.
Becca, please. We have to think reasonably about this.
How can you and Sludge-- - Sludge Johnson.
- Sludge Johnson even afford to raise a child?
- Trash baby. - (firmly) A child.
How are you gonna pay for diapers and food
and things a baby needs?
(squelching footsteps)
- I will provide for her.
- Sludge Johnson!
- Excuse me. - (Mom) Ugh.
- (Becca) Have you been here the whole time?
- Yes. I was hiding in the toilet.
- (derisively) Look, we're trying to have
a serious conversation here, Sludge.
- I know, sir, and I apologize for plorping in here unannounced.
But Becca and I have talked, and we want to keep the trash baby.
- (chuckles softly)
- (screeches)
- Well, Sludge, that is very noble of you.
But have you even thought about
how you're gonna raise this child? - Trash baby.
- Please just call it a child.
- We will take great care of the trash child.
My parents have offered to help.
- Well, I think we would like to meet your parents.
- Mm-hmm. - That may be difficult.
My father is a bunch of rats tangled up in a ball.
- Oh. Um, well, then we're gonna have to speak to your mother.
- She is a pile of old, moldy Playboys.
- Okay. Sludge, please, just hear us out.
You are too young to have a child.
You have your whole life ahead of you.
How are you going to raise a child while going to swamp college?
- (screeches) - Mom, that is SO offensive.
Come on, Sludge, we don't have to listen to this. We are leaving.
(objects jingling) - Hey, that's not the exit.
- We know. Goodbye, Mom and Dad. Please don't try to find me.
- Becca, no!
- It was nice meeting you both. - (slight chuckle)
(toilet flushing)
(Sludge Johnson yells faintly)
- She's gone. (snivels)
(sighs)
Oh well. Do you want to have another kid?
- Yeah, okay.
♪ (whimsical music) ♪