Hi. So you gave in and decided to call someone?
Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding.
I can barely use chopsticks.
You're all set.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, wait. You, uh, forgot your, um.
Your game.
Thank you.
Hey, Rach.
There she is. My perfectly proportioned wife.
Don't look at me. I never get his jokes.
Thank you?
No, no, no. Don't thank me. Thank you.
Do you know there is not one thing that I
would change about you? Not one single
thing, and definitely not
two single things.
Okay, you're being weird.
Do you want sex or did you do something bad?
No no no. I just love the way you look.
I am warm
for your form.
Okay. Um, you know, the old classics, like,
you know, you look nice.
They're still okay.
Well, yes yes, but you look nice
could mean that I'm saying, like,
your face looks nice.
I want to compliment your body.
I mean, I wouldn't change it at all.
And more specifically, I wouldn't want
anything to get any bigger.
Okay.
I mean, you wouldn't want any part of me to
get any bigger, would you?
Don't answer that.
Just when you thought that dude couldn't get any weirder.
I know. Why do you think he was so worried
about me getting bigger?
I don't know what I mean.
What brought that on?
Oh my God.
Oh my God. You know what? We're trying to get pregnant,
so he's probably starting to freak out about
the fact that my body's going to change.
No. You really think that's what it is?
You heard him. No. bigger. You're perfect.
Just don't get any bigger.
My God, he sounded just like my high school
wrestling coach.
I have to talk to Chandler.
Yeah, if you don't, I will.
Of course your body's going to change.
Your breasts are going to get bigger.
Your ass is going to get bigger.
You're going to lose bladder control.
God, it's just
such a magical time.
Hi. Hey.
Listen, I wanted to ask you something about marriage.
Oh, great. Now you're seeking me out to make jokes?
I mean, I can see if we're all
hanging out, but to come to my home.
No.
No, I really want to know how you feel about it.
Why?
Mike doesn't ever want to get married.
Never?
Never.
Wow. Well, you're still going to move in with him?
Well, I want to, but
I just wanted you to tell me that marriage really isn't that big
a deal. You know that I won't
I won't be missing out on anything.
The marriage stinks.
Yeah. Married stinks.
I mean, if you want to see a man gain weight
and a woman stop shaving,
get 'em married.
That's not how you really feel, is it?
No, I'm sorry.
Look, I know it's not what you want to hear
right now, but I can't help it.
I love marriage.
Seriously? You Divorce-o?
If you have to call me a name, I prefer
Ross the Divorcer.
It's just cooler.
Look, look, I know my marriages didn't
exactly work out, but,
you know, I loved being that committed to another person.
And Carol and I had some good times before
she became a lesbian.
And once afterward.
Anyway. I'm sorry.
It's okay. That's how you feel.
But come on.
I mean, living together will be great.
I mean, you guys have so much fun,
and you love Mike.
I do love Mike.
Ah, see? And you were so excited about moving
in together before.
And you know what you should be.
It's a big deal.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Yeah. Thanks.
This helped. Thanks.
The Divorcer to the rescue.
It's not cooler.
I just heard it. Yeah.
[utensils rattle]
Rach?
[fridge rattles]
[fridge shakes]
Rachel!
[door closes]
[toilet seat creaks]
So I can't do anything I like?