(Harley Quinn sighs)
(thoughtful acoustic music)
- Like it or not, you helped me.
Everyone needs a friend.
And since you want humans wiped
from the face of the Earth-- - Right,
so you cut a plant for me?
I could kill you with this.
- Yeah, you could.
(plant crackles)
(bullet whooshes)
(Harley Quinn exclaims)
- Ivy, you saved me! - Saved what?
- I always know you have a special place
in your heart for old Jok--
- Uh, not you, (beeps).
(grunts) (thuds)
- Not bad for a first date, ay puddin'?
- (stammers) Are you okay?
Or whatever.
- Why did you save me?
- No one's ever given me a gift before.
I mean, not to mention a plant, (chuckles)
so that was nice.
(thoughtful music)
Babe, (stammers)
let's just be honest. (food splats)
This isn't the first time that Joker's left you here to rot.
He does not love you.
Ya have to leave him, and don't say.
- [Both] "You don't know him like I do."
- Hey, so (scoffs) I've been meaning to talk to you
about something and listen, don't take this the wrong way.
But as your BFF and only F,
I think you can do better than Kite Man.
- And what's the right way to take that?
- You know, now that you're branching out
from only caring about things with branches,
you gotta get out there, just play the field.
You're the new poison Ivy, I mean,
you don't have to commit to the first guy who's nice to you!
- Uh, your ex-boyfriend tried to kill you several times.
- It was an inside joke?
- Maybe you just don't know what it's like
to be treated well by someone who truly loves you.
(Harley Quinn yells)
Aw, now I've got smashin' blue (beeps).
- The first time my father hit me,
that's when I gave up on humans.
Until I met you.
- (sighs) You never told me, Ive, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, it was a long time ago.
I guess it's hard to let go of your past self, huh?
(man groans distantly) - You don't have to.
I actively tried not to put you in this situation.
- And then what happened?
- Well then, I (beeps) up the situation.
- There it is.
- I didn't know what else to do, other
than call the smartest, coolest, hottest person I know.
- Well, that is true.
(fire whooshes) (man groans and wheezes)
(Harley Quinn grunting)
- You cannot run from your problems, Harley.
Hate weighs you down!
Only love sets us free!
- (sighs) Ivy.
- No. - It's okay.
- Don't, don't do this.
- Have a good life, get married and make babies.
Name 'em Harley, the girls and boys.
- Harley!
- See, it totally works.
You know I love you.
Bye, Ive.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(Ivy grunts)
(thuds) (screams)
(whooshes) (music swells)
(grunting) - (panting) Hi.
We did it. (exclaiming)
(sighs) (chuckles)
(kissing) (sighs)
- Look, I can explain the whole "Game of Thrones,"
Khaleesi thing, okay?
All, all this has just been me avoiding something
that I need to talk to you about and
if I don't do it now, it will be too late.
- Look, if you really need to say it, just--
- Harley!
Cool parademons.
Hey, did Ivy tell you what you just did?
How she's the coolest, hottest fiance a regular guy
with super powers like me could ever ask for?
- Well, I mean, I wasn't just gonna sit there
and watch your parents be (beeps) to the man
that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. (kisses)
(thoughtful acoustic music)
- I'm gonna set you up for the best marriage ever
by making your bachelorette party the best weekend
of your life!
(sniffs) (clears throat)
- Harley, you have obviously put a lot of planning
into this trip, which just doesn't seem like you.
(stammers) Is everything okay?
- Of course it is!
I'm the maid of honor to the hottest bride on Earth!
- Thanks, for everything.
(Harley Quinn sighs)
- I'm truly embarrassed for you.
- What?!
- This whole sweaty maid of honor routine,
too many thoughtful details.
You two hooked up.
- What, no!
Me, her, no, never.
- Stop denying it.
- I know you made everyone pretend
to get along at the restaurant, you know.
But like, now they actually are!
You did that, you always go the extra mile for me.
- I'm your best friend.
- You are my best friend.
(thoughtful music)
(whooshes) (snoring)
- Oh, (beeps)!
(beeps) cakes of a (beeps)!
(sighs) All right, listen to me,
we shouldn't have done this! (sheets whoosh)
- You're totally right, we can't do this, we can't,
wait, why can't we do this?
- Because you're my best friend
and I can't stand the idea of losing you,
you know, I (stammers)--
- You don't have to.
We'd be closer than we've ever been before.
Well, not closer than last night, I mean, that was crazy.
- Yeah, that was (beeps) crazy.
- Don't you want to feel this way all the time?
Our whole lives could be going around the world,
saving nature, freeing all-female armies,
partying, getting free stuff, it would be so fun!
I love you.
Just think about it, okay?
(emotional orchestral music)
- Just seeing you toss away your chance at Ivy has,
has got me thinking about my own love life.
I mean, I don't want to biff it like you did.
- Hey, I told Ivy how I felt and she didn't feel that way,
end of story, water under the bridge!
- Right, right, the screaming about it at the mere mention
of her name certainly backs that up.
(mechanical snoring) (deep growling)
Look at these hideous monsters.
Ah, Bethany and I used to cuddle just like that.
God, we could just sit on the couch
and talk about nothing for hours.
We just got each other.
(music swells)
She always had my back.
Good God, that's true love.
- Then you can't just give up.
Love's a risk.
It may not always go in your favor,
but if it's true love, you have to fight for it.
Ivy, you call me out on all my bull (beeps)
but you don't judge me for it.
We have fun whether we're sitting on the couch
or murdering a group of investment bankers.
You showed me what the best version of myself could be
and, and you held me to it.
I'm in love with you, I wanna be with you.
And, and yes, it might be messy, it might not work.
It might even destroy our friendship forever,
but love is a risk.
I'd rather risk our friendship
than pretend these feelings aren't real.
You just, you don't give up on love.
Take a risk, take a leap of faith, and be with me.
(grunting) (leaves rustling)
- (stammers) Hey, did my kiss work?
Where am I?
(man laughing)
Wha, we're laughing, are we friends again?
What is so funny?
Oh man, I hate missing inside jokes.
- Oh, don't worry, (inhales) I'll tell you.
(yelling) (energy surging)
(laughing)
(kissing and moaning) (suspenseful music)
- Oh!
- Oh, this is gonna affect the crew dynamic
in a messy and complicated manner.
- I already had a feeling, the tension was palpable.
- (laughs) She's still in there.
(curtains whoosh)
(energy surging) (yelling)
- Woo, I need a cigarette. (sighs)
(suspenseful music)
(stammers)