When a news story falls through the cracks,
our very own Lewis Black catches it
with a segment we call Back in Black.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
The inauguration of America's last president
is only a few days away,
and it's shaping up to be as exciting
as bird-watching with a tax attorney!
REPORTER:
So why is such a major event
having problems booking major acts?
At least some stars are turning down the invitation.
Donald Trump has had a tough time attracting
many celebrities. Celine Dion, Elton John,
KISS, Ice-T, just a few.
You want to know why
so many celebrities died in 2016?
It was to get out of playing the goddamn inauguration!
(cheering and applause)
But...
but, hey, being universally hated
is no excuse for not throwing a good party.
Richard Nixon booked James Brown for his inauguration!
Look at that!
The Godfather of Soul
shaking hands with James Brown!
Personally, I don't give two (bleep)
whether famous people are lining up
to serenade the new president.
I got my tickets and I'm gonna go no matter what,
because I want to be there when Trump touches the Bible
and his hand catches on fire!
(cheering and applause)
But you know what? President-elect Sour Grapes
doesn't give a damn if the cool kids come to his party.
REPORTER:
doesn't bother him. "The so-called A-list celebrities
"are wanting tickets to the inauguration,
"but look what they did for Hillary, nothing.
I want the people!"
What a coincidence!
The guy who can't book any celebrities
doesn't want any celebrities.
Reminds me of when I was a teenager.
I swore off having sex with the prettiest girl in my class.
No, thanks, Charlene. I'm in a loving relationship
with some Polaroids of my cleaning lady.
Now, before you go thinking
it's just celebrities turning down the gig,
even people known for lining up
and doing exactly what they're told to don't want to perform.
REPORTER:
over the upcoming presidential inauguration.
AUTUMN WITHERS:
intelligent, and classy women.
And so to associate this with Mr. Trump,
who has a public history of degrading women,
objectifying women, really tarnishes
what the Rockettes embody.
Well, how about we compromise?
The Rockettes are forced to perform
but they get to take turns kicking President Trump
in the balls!
(cheering and applause)
And... and speaking of balls,
this inauguration has such a stink on it,
it's toxic to even get near it.
Uproar on social media
after the band from a historically black college
in Alabama is invited to perform
at President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration.
The Talladega College Marching Tornadoes band
accepted the invitation to take part in the inaugural parade.
Why the hell is a historically black college's marching band
performing for a guy who retweets white supremacists?
-(applause) -If you want a college marching band,
what about Trump University?
Sure, it's just one guy with a kazoo
who's $50,000 in debt,
but he sure could use the work!
(cheering and applause)
But don't ever count the Donald out.
He's always got a few surprises up his sleeve,
and Trump's inauguration committee
tweeted out the big news.
REPORTER (reading):
Move over, Beyoncé and Jay Z,
we've got a celebrity horse coming through!
Of course, Black Jack himself won't be able to attend,
since he died in 1976.
Not to coin a phrase,
but you guys are literally tweeting a dead horse.
Right now the two biggest acts booked for the inauguration
are an
Contestant, not winner!
(laughter)
And the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Uh, yes!
The thrill of choir music, but with the edginess of Mormonism.
(laughter, applause & cheering)
And...
And don't forget about the parties.
At one of the inaugural balls, they've got great acts like
-1980s cover band The Reagan Years. -(laughter)
They play all the hits from the '80s
while ignoring the existence of AIDS.
(laughter)
But, look, when it comes down to it,
we may not know who will perform,
but we've just found out the theme.
With just over a week until Donald Trump
is officially sworn in as president,
we now have a better idea of the theme of his celebration.
Soft sensuality.
(laughter and groaning)
Yeah, that's right-- soft sensuality.
Mmm!
Good to know, when America's getting (bleep) by Donald Trump,
at least he'll do it gently.