THE
THE PEACH
THE PEACH SONG EARLIER. ANYWAY.
ANYWAY.
ANYWAY. WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS,
GIVING ULTIMATUMS IS OFTEN
VIEWED AS NEGATIVE.
BUT COULD SOME TAKE IT OR LEAVE
IT DEALS ACTUALLY LEAD TO A
MORE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
WE ALL SAID THAT WE SHOULD DIVE
INTO THIS IN REAL TALK.
WEIGHING IN IS CARA KNEER,
NYSSA GREEN AND COMEDIAN AND
FRIEND HANK DENSON.
IT IS INTERESTING.
JUST TALKING WITH THE CREW AND
HEARING ULTIMATUMS, MYRA
EARLIER IN THE SHOW SAID
ULTIMATELY EVERYONE THINKS OF
THE ULTIMATE ULTIMATUM WHICH IS,
WE ARE GETTING MARRIED OR ELSE.
WHAT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT TODAY
IS THAT ULTIMATUMS ARE
SOMETIMES NECESSARY TO SETTING
BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARTNER
AND ENSURING THE RELATIONSHIP
IS COMFORTABLE FOR BOTH PEOPLE.
WE WILL GET TO SOME OF THE MORE
COMMON ONES AND YOU CAN WEIGH
IN.
IN.
IN. GO
IN. GO TO
IN. GO TO OUR FACEBOOK PAGE AT
ATLANTA & COMPANY.
HAS YOUR PARTNER EVER GIVEN YOU
AN ULTIMATUM?
AN ULTIMATUM? YES, HE OR SHE KNOWS NOT TO AND
WE WILL CHECK-IN TO SEE WHAT
YOU GUYS THINK.
HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN OR BEEN
GIVEN AN ULTIMATUM?
>> I GAVE THE ULTIMATE
ULTIMATUM.
ULTIMATUM. I DID.
I DID.
I DID. IT
I DID. IT WORKED OUT.
>> YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO
WISCONSIN?
WISCONSIN? >> YOU TALK.
BUT WE BOTH HAD TO MOVE SO MUCH
FOR OUR JOBS.
I SAID IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ONE OF
US TO ALWAYS PICK UP AND MOVE
FOR THE OTHER ONE.
UNLESS THERE IS A LEGAL BINDING
DOCUMENT I THOUGHT.
I SAID, I'M NOT MAKING --
MAKING ANOTHER CROSS COUNTRY
MOVE UNLESS WE ARE BETROTHED.
>> HOW DID HE TAKE IT?
>> HE STARED AT ME AND I CRIED
AND SAID MY PARENTS ARE OLD.
IT GOT WEIRD.
BUT HE PROPOSED SIX MONTHS
LATER.
LATER.
LATER. >>
>>
>> NO
>> NO ULTIMATUMS AT ALL. SHE WANTED ME. YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SAYING?
I'M SAYING? I HAD ALREADY DID WHAT I NEEDED
TO DO IN ATLANTA AND I WAS
READY TO BE A DAD AN INCREDIBLE
HUSBAND THAT I AM.
-- AND INCREDIBLE HUSBAND THAT
I AM.
I AM.
I AM. >>
I AM. >> IS SHE WATCHING RIGHT NOW?
>> BUT THIS IS THE TRUTH.
THAT IS WHY I'M SO RELAXED IN
THIS CONVERSATION.
THIS CONVERSATION. >> YOU ARE.
>> I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT WENT
DOWN.
DOWN.
DOWN. >>
DOWN. >> YES OR NO, ULTIMATUMS GIVEN
OR RECEIVED?
OR RECEIVED? >> I DID THE SAME THING CARA
DID.
DID.
DID. >>
DID. >> YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY ME!
>> WE CAN'T JUST KEEP LIVING
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER. >> I DID.
>> I DID.
>> I DID. HERE'S THE THING, TIM IS VERY
LAID-BACK.
LAID-BACK. HE WOULD HAVE STAYED.
I KNOW HE WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE.
>> HE MAY NOT HAVE PULLED THE
TRIGGER.
TRIGGER.
TRIGGER. >> HE WOULD'VE THOUGHT, THIS IS
GOOD.
GOOD.
GOOD. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS?
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THE
ULTIMATUM PART IS NOT ROMANTIC.
DON'T YOU LOOK BACK ON IT AND
THINK, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD TO
GIVE THE ULTIMATUM?
>> GUILT IS BULLYING.
MY THERAPIST SAID GUILT IS
BULLYING.
BULLYING.
BULLYING. >> THEY TOOK A PRAGMATIC
APPROACH TO THE NEXT STEP.
CARA SAID, I CAN KEEP MOVING.
IT MAY NOT BE ROMANTIC BUT IT
NEEDED TO BE DONE.
>> SHE SAID, SHE'S NOT MOVING
TO UTAH.
TO UTAH.
TO UTAH. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
>> YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL
THOUGH.
THOUGH.
THOUGH. WHAT WORKS FOR YOU OBVIOUSLY
DOESN'T WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
SHARING THAT STORY UPON MY
ARRIVAL IN YOUR -- IN UTAH,
THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAD
TO MOVE FOR JOBS WITH PARTNERS
AND I WAS LIKE, I SAID I WOULD
NOT MOVE.
NOT MOVE.
NOT MOVE. AND THEY WERE LIKE WELL -- I
FELT REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> BE CAREFUL.
>>
>> YOU
>> YOU HAVE TO STICK BY THOSE ULTIMATUMS OR BE WILLING TO
DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY
DON'T ACCEPT THOSE
CONSEQUENCES.
CONSEQUENCES. AND CLEARLY CARA WAS CONFIDENT.
>> THAT IS KEY.
JUST LIKE WITH PUNISHING OUR
KIDS.
KIDS.
KIDS. I
KIDS. I CANNOT THROW OUT EVERYTHING
IN THE KITCHEN SINK WHICH JIM
SAYS I DO.
AND NOT STICK TO IT.
THAT IS NOT TRUE, JIM.
I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH YOU
IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AT A PARTY.
SOME EXPERT SHARED SOME
EXAMPLES THAT CAN IMPROVE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP.
RELATIONSHIP. LET'S SEE IF WE AGREE.
THIS IS A GOOD ONE.
I NEED TIME TO GET READY.
ASK YOUR PARTNER TO START
GIVING YOU MORE NOTICE BEFORE
GOING OUT.
GOING OUT. IF YOUR PARTNER CONTINUES TO
LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU
HAVE, YOU LET YOUR PARTNER
KNOW, YOU'RE JUST NOT GOING OUT
WITH THEM.
WITH THEM. THEY CAN GO WITHOUT YOU.
SOMETIMES ULTIMATUMS ARE BIG OR
LITTLE.
LITTLE.
LITTLE. >> MY WIFE DOES THAT.
PEACE!
PEACE!
PEACE! >>
PEACE! >> LUCKILY THIS IS LITTLE.
IF JIM SAID, WE ARE MEETING
THEM IN 20 MINUTES THEN USUALLY
I CAN RALLY.
IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T, SAY
HONEY, I NEED MORE TIME.
>> THAT IS A GOOD ONE.
>> BASICALLY MEN DON'T GIVE A
LOT OF ULTIMATUMS.
WE ARE IN THEIR CHILLING.
WHATEVER.
WHATEVER.
WHATEVER. WE DON'T GIVE A LOT OF
ULTIMATUMS.
ULTIMATUMS. DUDES DON'T DO THAT BECAUSE WE
FORGET ANYWAYS.
FORGET ANYWAYS. >> IS THAT TRUE MEN?
>> SOME OF THE MEN WERE
DISAGREEING WITH YOU POLITELY.
>> THEY'RE SCARED.
I GOT YOU.
>> CARA, DO YOU AGREE WITH
THAT?
THAT?
THAT? THAT IS A SIMPLE REQUEST.
>> I AGREE WITH THAT.
IT REMINDS ME OF SOUTHERN CHARM
CHARLESTON WHEN CRAIG GOT LEFT
BY HIS GIRLFRIEND AND IT CAUSED
THEIR BREAKUP.
THEIR BREAKUP. >> THEY WERE OTHER ISSUES.
>> BUT SHE LEFT HIM.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, THIS
WAS THROWN AT ME SEVERAL MONTHS
AGO.
AGO.
AGO. I
AGO. I TALKED ABOUT IT ON THE SHOW.
I WILL CHOOSE TO DO SOMETHING
ELSE IF YOU STAY ON YOUR PHONE.
>> WHERE YOU THE OFFENDED OR
OFFENDER?
OFFENDER?
OFFENDER? >> I WAS THE OFFENDER.
>> OH!
>> OH!
>> OH! >>
>> OH! >> I WAS ON MY PHONE SETTING MY
NOTES FOR TOMORROW BUT THEN YOU
END UP ON FACEBOOK AND
ANSWERING TEXTS.
ANSWERING TEXTS. HE SAID I WILL CHOOSE TO DO
OTHER THINGS.
OTHER THINGS. AT NIGHT INSTEAD OF SPENDING
QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.
>> I'M GONNA PUT MY CLOTHES
BACK ON.
BACK ON.
BACK ON. >> I CUT MY CLOTHES ON BUT
MAYBE I DIDN'T.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.
I ABIDED BY THAT ONE.
I WANTED TO SPEND QUALITY TIME.
>> WE ARE THE SAME WAY.
MY WIFE THINKS SHE IS KIM
KARDASHIAN ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I'M LIKE, YOU HAVE TO HUNDRED
FOLLOWERS.
FOLLOWERS. >> WE DON'T JUST USE OUR PHONES
FOR SOCIAL MEDIA.
THERE IS WORK, RESEARCH AND
EMAIL.
EMAIL.
EMAIL. >>
EMAIL. >> I THINK THAT'S A VERY FAIR
ONE.
ONE.
ONE. I
ONE. I HAVE TO CHECK MYSELF. CHECK
MYSELF ON THE GOLF COURSE WHEN
I WAS MAKING A VIDEO THE OTHER
DAY.
DAY.
DAY. THAT
DAY. THAT IS A FAIR ONE.
THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE SO
PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT AGAIN.
INSTEAD OF FORMULATING YOUR
ULTIMATUM AS A THREAT, GET TO
THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM OF
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU AND WHY.
THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE,
PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.
IF YOU'RE AT A PARTY AND
INTERRUPTS.
INTERRUPTS. YOU DO ALL THE TIME, I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU ARE REALIZING THAT.
THAT IS A NICE ULTIMATUM.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THAT IS A
ULTIMATUM.
ULTIMATUM. THAT IS HAVING RESPECT.
>> I THINK SO TOO.
>> IF I'M ON THE PHONE AND MY
WIFE SAID I NEED TO TALK TO
YOU, THAT IS A CHECK.
BUT I ALWAYS GO LIKE THIS.
>> THAT IS THE UNIVERSAL SIGN
FOR IMPORTANT.
FOR IMPORTANT. >> THAN THE LAST ONE -- THAT
LAST ONE IS A NICE REQUEST MORE
THAN A ULTIMATUM.
>>, NUMBER 4, WE DON'T ALWAYS
NEED TO WATCH TV TOGETHER.
IF WE WANT TO WATCH DIFFERENT
THINGS.
THINGS.
THINGS. >> HELLO.
>> HELLO.
>> HELLO. >> OF COURSE.
>> HOWEVER, IF WE ARE WATCHING
SOMETHING TOGETHER YOU CANNOT
TV CHEAT ON ME.
UP WE'RE WATCHING A SERIES
TOGETHER, DON'T JUMP AHEAD.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THE
SAME THINGS.
SAME THINGS. >> WE ARE ALWAYS DISTRACTED.
WE WATCH POWER TOGETHER BUT SHE
ALWAYS ASKS ME QUESTIONS ABOUT
DRUGS LIKE I WAS A DRUG DEALER.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD PUT 15
IN A CLIP AND THAT WILL KILL
EVERYBODY.
EVERYBODY. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> WE WATCHED SHOWS TOGETHER
AND RIGHT NOW -- WE WATCHED
SHOWS TOGETHER.
SHOWS TOGETHER. >> YOU HAVE TO DO A LOT OF
EXPLAINING?
EXPLAINING? >> BLACKLIST IS REALLY GOOD.
>> WE START EVERYTHING TOGETHER
AND WATCHED THROUGH.
WE HAVE CONVERSATION ABOUT
>>
>> WE
>> WE ARE
>> WE ARE OUT OF TIME. WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO SAVE
MONEY.
MONEY.
MONEY. >>
MONEY. >> BY BEING UPFRONT YOU STARTED
CONVERSATION ABOUT GROUND RULES
THAT WILL WORK FOR BOTH OF YOU.
SO THIS MAKES IT AN EXERCISE
RATHER THAN AN ULTIMATUM.
IT IS GIVE AND TAKE.
LET'S CHECK THE POLL.
WHAT DOES THE POLL SAY.
HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN ONE?
>>