- [Narrator] Cheating wives and crazy girlfriends.
My wife, 23 of two months hid from me
she did amateur adult films.
I found out five days ago.
My wife and I met and quickly fell in love.
We knew within 48 hours, we would get married.
10 months later, we were married.
We have a wonderful life.
We relocated across the country for work
and settled down in a much bigger home
than I have ever lived in.
Two months into marriage, everything was bliss
until a Facebook friend of hers sent her an adult video.
She tried to play it off as spam,
but I could see the fear in her eyes that I would find out.
I did some digging on her old computer
and found out she was selling pictures
and videos of herself online for the past two years.
She was negotiating what she would do in the videos,
how long, how much she would get paid.
I confronted her and she confessed
and we had a heated, verbal fight
where she said she would do anything to keep me
and she was very sorry for hiding this from me,
and she loves me more than anything.
It broke me.
She has told me hundreds of times I was her first love
and second person she had been intimate with.
That was obviously a lie.
She really has slept with over 20 guys
while she was filming videos.
Here's the kicker.
She is now the one saying
she does not want to try and resolve it.
No counseling, no talking through it, nothing.
I am at a loss for what to do.
I had never been so betrayed or deceived in my life,
but I still love her and would like to try and work it out.
She has not talked to me in three days
and her last message said, it won't work out.
Do you think I'm missing something?
Should I let her go?
Please fill me in on how I can no longer feel
like I'm getting punched in the stomach over and over.
I have not slept or ate in days and can not focus
or work on anything productive.
This is the trouble with knowing
you're going to marry someone within 48 hours
of meeting them.
Unless that's followed up with,
So I spent years getting to know her
before working up the courage to propose.
Gigantic red flag.
I can't even imagine marrying someone that quick.
It's crazy the crap you'll find out about people
after knowing them for two or three years.
Truer words have never been said.
If you've agreed to marry someone after that little time,
I say that person is committing to their partner
with the expectation that they're going to be some
big fucking surprises down the line
when you actually get to know each other.
Although this doesn't help op, good luck, dude.
Talk it out with your wife.
Assess if you actually want to be married.
But if you split, next time date for at least two years
before proposing, yeah.
She already said she doesn't want to work it out.
I know it hurts like hell, but there's your answer.
"Here's the kicker, she is now the one saying
she does not want to try and resolve it.
No counseling, no talking through it, nothing.
I am at a loss for what to do.
I had never been so betrayed or deceived in my life,
but I still love her and would like to try and work it out.
She has not talked to me in three days
and her last message said, it won't work out."
And this is why you actually date your soulmate
before rushing into marriage.
Even if you know, on the first day,
it still takes time to get to know someone
and love can't be rushed.
"Should I let her go?"
Yeah, it needs two people to tango
and if she's not willing to make an effort,
despite still being in the honeymoon stage, it's over."
LOL, you'd meet, move in with and then marry someone
because your parents were pressuring
you to do it in 10 months?
It's not instant, but yeah, 10 months
relatively speaking may as well be right away
in the context of, for life,
have fun with your future divorce.
Age has a lot to do with it.
22 is a very young age to get married.
If you hardly know yourself,
it's difficult to imagine that the other person
isn't in the same boat, plus factor in immaturity.
10 months is still way too early to get married,
especially considering that also includes
a wedding planning.
If you factor in wedding planning, that's ridiculously
early to get engaged and then marry within 10 months.
Means getting married within the honeymoon phase
of a new relationship.
Also her not doing the 180 is a power play.
She is trying to manipulate him into chasing after her
and it's working.
This way, She gets him off the moral high ground
he currently holds and puts him in the position
of chasing her, which is an objectively weaker position.
It's obviously working since op is trying to figure out
how to convince her to stay instead of saying
"Perfect, I'll have the annulment papers drawn up
and to you in the next couple of weeks.
Until then please pack yourself
and find somewhere else to be."
This is the correct view of the situation.
Op needs to stop chasing and let her come to him.
Unfortunately, looking at the way he acts,
that seems somewhat unlikely.
What does he think resolving it looks like though?
He seems to think she should be ashamed by this.
She shouldn't.
And she doesn't feel like letting him berate her
for weeks over it.
She shouldn't have hidden it from him,
but his reaction isn't exactly proving her wrong.
She shouldn't be with someone she can't be honest with.
And he shouldn't be dating someone who did sex work
if he thinks it's a grave betrayal.
But she lied about it, she didn't hide it.
She has told me hundreds of times I was our first love
and second person she had been intimate with.
If you know someone won't like the truth
that doesn't give you permission to lie.
Sure, maybe he's an idiot for caring
how many sexual partners she's had, but that's his business.
She doesn't have the right to lie about it just because
she thinks he won't like the answer.
She certainly could have said, I don't want to discuss that
and broken up with him if he insisted,
but nothing gives her the right to lie.
I mean, it's his prerogative to value sex in a specific way.
That doesn't mean he should shame her for her past.
But if it's a big deal for him,
he can't magically turn that feeling off.
The issue isn't that she did this.
The issue is that she lied about it when they got together
and she tried to keep covering it up when it resurfaced.
He's completely in his right to feel betrayed.
She needs to own up to it and face
whatever the consequences are.
If that's a deal breaker for him and it apparently isn't,
that's what it is.
I'm not clear on if the sex work continued
while they were together.
If that's the case, then yes it is a grave betrayal.
If that's not the case, then I agree with you.
I don't know, dude seems really hung up
on how many guys he's been with.
So I don't think there's any compromise
that will make him happy.
He's more hung up on the point
that she told him he was her second
and now he finds out that's all a lie.
And they weren't that true soulmates and stuff.
That's gotta sting.
I feel they rushed into this way too soon.
- [Male Speaker] I do not have facts it continued
while we were together, but I have suspicions.
She claims she stopped selling videos the day she met me.
Yeah, I'm not buying it either.
I do not think she should be ashamed.
I have slept with around 20 people also,
but I was upfront with her from the beginning
about all of it.
She lied nonstop saying she had only been
with a couple people and led me to believe
she was a Southern Belle who had never done anything wrong.
A resolution would be to start over,
start dating each other again
and see if we could make it work.
And if it does, go renew our vows at a later date.
- [Narrator] Honestly, I think the red flag
is that she's now saying she doesn't want to resolve it.
It comes across as manipulative
and she wants you to beg or something.
I don't know, man, this seems tainted.