[Music]
let me tell you something
as a woman who has once this little girl
then a teenager and then an adult a
newlywed a mother and growing into the
committed coach I am today
I never stopped feeling feelings along
the way feelings of love of Hope of fear
of loss of anxiety of stress a cocktail
of different emotions that sometimes I
never even had the words to properly
describe the kind of feelings that would
cloud your thinking that would make you
go into analysis paralysis and no matter
how busy you make yourself they all come
back to you the moment you get some down
time like after you finish sending that
important email or that important
meeting or after a heavy workout it all
comes back as if you were running so
hard so quick so fast and the moment you
stop running you discover that you
really have not come very far from the
starting point at that point your palms
begin to sweat your heart rate rises you
get number 11 on your forehead as you
begin to notice that how uncomfortable
you're feeling having to live your life
every single day not in accordance nor
in alignment with who you truly are
from the inside with who that voice that
you constantly hear in your head not in
accordance with the reflection you see
as you stand in front of the mirror not
in accordance with your vision you're
calling your mess
your purpose or what I would like to
call your blueprint are you following me
it's that blueprint that which you wish
to leave behind that which you wish to
be known for and sometimes you do not
even dare share those thoughts or ways
of thinking or feelings with those
around you because one they either do
not conform to the norm and hence you
fear being judged or look down at and so
the other option would be is for you to
be molded into the shapes and colors of
those around you and by around who I
mean society our families relatives
friends colleagues and managers citizens
and governmental policies parents
spouses being molded into their way of
thinking into how they see the world
that not only puts us at risk of not
living our true potential puts us at
risk of settling and what happens then
we are agitated we are unhappy we are
not content we're not satisfied we are
not living our blueprint our environment
and our life conditions are not in
alignment with who we truly are and as
human beings there's one thing we all
have in common we all want to love and
be loved we all want to feel connected
to be sheltered safe to fulfill and to
self actualize our dreams we all want
more of something you know whether it's
higher education higher degree better
health more Beauty more friends bigger
house nicer car nicer version of a
mobile phone more likes
we're friends more followers
constantly running whoosh how tiring is
that how tiring is that to constantly be
running after that thing and having your
brain do a mental scan of everything
around you and reminding you of all the
things that are not present in your life
and of how much you still need to do and
how much effort you need to put in order
to come closer to that blueprint stop
stop no seriously stop it stop stop now
let's take a deep breath all of us let's
take a deep breath in four five one two
three four five hold for five one two
three four five and now let go for five
five four three two one how does that
feel so by show of hands who feels
calmer who feels they are more in
control of their thoughts who feels like
they are able to relate between what
they're hearing and what they're
currently living so what do we do where
do we go from here stop caring you guys
yes you heard that right
stop caring your son daughter mother
father siblings spouse is sick you take
them to the doctor the doctor prescribes
the medicine you do all the tests now
stop caring and let go it's just a
matter of time for
coveri to take place the other option
would be is to keep on thinking of the
worst possible scenario forcing you to
prepare for Plan B CD all the way to Z
and driving yourself crazy stop caring
and let go you have an important exam
tomorrow you've done your best you've
studied you've got all the blog's all
the articles all the papers you've put
all your best effort now what do you do
stop caring and let go no matter what
happens during the exam or as a result
of the exam trust that you have the
capabilities necessary to deal with
absolutely any situation the moment it
presents itself in the meantime you stop
caring and you let go your spouse
partner sister brother fiance loved one
is working so hard staying up late and
you're worried about them well don't
you've told them not once not twice not
three times that they need to look and
take good care of themselves now it's
their time and it's their part to own up
to their actions trust that you have the
capability is that you need to deal with
absolutely and it's any situation the
moment it presents itself in the
meantime you stop caring and you let go
but why is it that we associate stop
caring with poor performance performance
if I stop caring that means I'm not a
good enough wife or I'm not a good
enough mother or I'm not good enough
employee not good enough manager not a
good enough human regardless of the role
you're playing or the hat you're wearing
in a very recent study done by Gallup
International Jordan ranked tenth place
regionally on the world happiness report
coming directly after the United Arab
it's a type KSA Saudi year Bahrain Libya
Algeria Morocco Lebanon and then comes
Jordan at night it's ranked 19th 90th
9-0 internationally with Finland ranking
place number one in terms of happiness
in that state same study it showed that
negative feelings like stress anger and
anxiety and negative mindsets were
increasing and have gone up a
significant 27 percent between 2010 and
2012 I work as a coach I've come up with
three simple answers attachment theory
an attachment theory there are three
types of attachment and it involves the
relationships and the types of
attachments between us as human beings
type number one there are those who are
securely attached those are the people
who are very comfortable in their own
skin they have a good sense of
self-confidence self-worth self-love
they have been raised and brought up
into very stable families they saw an
example of a secure relationship between
their parents and talking about emotions
was a regular table topic they believe
that it is their right to receive and
not just to give then there are the
anxiously attached that's type number to
those people who are more comfortable in
the skin of others than they are in
their own those who have a very low
confidence in themselves but a higher
confidence in others and those who
believe that in order to justify that
they are worthy of receiving love and
attention they need to continuously be
giving love and attention they wind up
in this vicious cycle of continuously
giving and not receive
living enough in return to the point
where it depletes their inner resources
then you've got the last type of
attachment the avoidant lis attached
those are the people who have the very
high regard to themselves but very low
to others meaning everybody is there to
serve them they have a very thin ego and
they believe that everybody's there to
give them they do not like to give you
attention or love they do not like you
to be attached to them they don't want
you to have feelings for them because
the moment you do you're gonna start
asking them for in return and they don't
like that because one they don't feel
like they need to give you anything and
two you don't want to and the moment you
are in conflict together they disappear
so now after I've laid out to the three
different attachment types I would like
you to take the time and gain a better
understanding of which attachment style
is closest to you or best describes you
the goal is that once we begin to
understand or attachment type we can now
understand why is it so difficult for us
to care less and let go more you see in
the way our society is environments
families communities cultures are
brought up our men our are not raised in
a way to feel comfortable expressing
emotion because that will make them less
of a man and our women are raised in a
way whereby they are told not to show
too much emotion because otherwise
should make the man run away so what
this happens is the mixture of the
attachment style makes it such a
challenge for us to care less and let go
more and what we want is for our sons
and daughters and the future of our dear
Damian generation to be transformed in a
way where people
comfortable to be securely attached and
mind you by caring less I don't mean to
become careless I simply mean to care
about to care more about fewer things to
prioritize what is really important in
your life
and to let go and delete everything else
it's to prioritize your needs before
everybody else and to trust that
everybody else has an ownership and
accountability towards themselves and
towards their part in the help and
relationship and status of who we truly
are standing in front of you is a woman
who has transformed her life from caring
so much to caring more about fewer
things thank you very much
[Applause]