Heya playa, have you ever been at a point in life where you felt like people were taking
advantage of you?
Whether it's friends, family or the person that you're in a relationship with, it's a
pretty crappy situation to be in but there is a solution, and I'll explain what that
is right after this.
This is The Josh Speaks.
You're watching The Josh Speaks.
In order to prevent being taken advantage of, you first have to start by looking inside
yourself.
Usually when there's an external problem that you face, recognizing your feelings is the
best first step to take because it allows you to make change in your own life and bring
about change in the lives of others.
First take a look at why your situation exists, have you somehow been conditioned to accept
the abuse of others?
Sometimes for people who have been taken advantage of, it can be way easier to accept others
negativity if it means not losing them as friends or as a partner.
And from that we can see that if you find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk to
others about your feelings then how can you expect them to recognize what's going on and
make positive changes all on their own.
What a lot of people tend to do is dwell on their feelings, and dwelling is simply thinking
about your feelings over and over without ever coming to a decision or a conclusion
as to how you're going to express them to others.
Maybe someone told you that you're ugly, or not good enough or smart enough to spend time
with them, dwelling on those feelings is thinking about them over and over without ever deciding,
yes I want to do something about this.
Remember, you deserve to be respected and as much as people want to believe that there
are people that are better than others, there aren't.
And because of that, your thoughts and feelings are worth expressing.
But you should find a way to express them that doesn't attack other people which is
the tough part.
You may feel the need to express your feelings by being sarcastic or rude, but that doesn't
really teach the other person why what they're doing is wrong.
In fact it doesn't really teach them much at all.
When you lash back with negativity, the other person is very likely to feel hurt and defensive,
meaning anything you say to them is going to go right over their head because they're
hurt and thats all that matters to them.
And that defensiveness might lead them to say things like "It's not that big of a deal",
"just suck it up and be a man", "don't be a pussy and get offended by everything" or
"if I was in that situation, I wouldn't be upset".
The list goes on and on but those are just some of the things people will say in defense
of their own ego if you don't approach them with kindness.
But you're the one that's upset here, how do you expect them to be kind when they're
the one that's taking advantage of you and acting like a jerk?
Much like with any skill, effective communication needs to be practiced.
That's why it's so important for you to communicate using facts and feelings.
Before you communicate though, it's always a good idea to write out your feelings so
you can see what exactly it is that's bothering you and you can shape the way that you want
to say it to the other person.
For example, let's say your friends never call you to hang out but only call you when
they need something from you.
If you were communicating in facts and feelings, you might say something like "last week all
of you guys went out to the movies together and no one called me out to come.
I felt kind of hurt because I was left out".
The key is to never presuppose why someone did something or to cast a label on them to
make yourself feel better.
Based on how you feel, it might be a lot easier to say something like "well you guys went
out to the movies and you're a bunch of jerks because you didn't call me and you hate me
for no reason."
The second phrasing determines who they are and why they did it.
You're saying that they're jerks and that they did it for no reason which only they
truly know why they did it.
By communicating the facts and the feelings that came with them, you're standing up for
yourself.
You're letting people know that they can't just walk all over you and when something
happens, you're gonna address it and you're gonna be open and honest about it.
Another important thing to do is to be aware of the behaviors that have changed with the
people that are taking advantage of you.
Are there new people in the friend group that are kind of changing the dynamic of it?
Did someone recently get into a relationship and now they're being influenced by their
partner?
Or is there something going on at home that is just affecting how that person is responding
to everyone else.
And while understanding that each of those scenarios are important, you're not responsible
for the feelings of everyone else.
This is something that people who get taken advantage of do a lot.
They never want to hurt anyone else or say anything that might upset them so they internalize
the burden.
They take the abuse and then they carry it forward and pretend like nothing happened.
When you communicate in facts and feelings, you're making your best effort to be open,
be honest and be understanding of the other person while not being judgmental of them
for why they're doing what they're doing.
And creating that non-judgmental space gives both of you room to talk about what happened.
Sometimes though, you will encounter people that come off like they just don't care.
They're gonna deny it, they're gonna downplay things and they're gonna do everything they
can to shift the burden of change from themselves to focus on something else.
If you notice this is the case and that the person is unwilling to take person responsibility
sometimes, then don't engage them at all.
It's never within your power to change someone else, but what is in your power is the ability
to change your own responses and your own actions.
What do you think, have you ever been taken advantage of before?
Leave your comment down below and we'll talk about it.
No one deserves to be taken advantage of, therefore building strength comes from being
able to express your feelings and talk about them.
Just remember that whenever you feel like you're being taken advantage of, there's always
people like me and all the other people in this community leaving comments below to help
you out whenever we can.
As always guys, love and peace.