[music]
[theme music]
Don't you worry BB. I'll get you home in time for
Droid Day, or my name isn't Kylo Ren.
[robot sounds]
You're right. Ren is technically a title.
We know that now. I'm probably a Skywalker or Solo
according to popular rumor out there in the galaxy...
Uh.
Whoa.
That was the last of it. Now strap your balls in BB8.
We're headed to Tatooine. Sorry, Jackoo.
Announcer: It's the hypothetical Star Wars Holiday Special,
Announcer: based on internet rumor. Staring everyone's favorite
Announcer: Constable, Constable Zuvio.
Announcer: BB8.
Announcer: Caption Phasma.
Announcer: Kylo Ren.
Announcer: Introducing BB8's family.
Announcer: QT-Pi.
Announcer: The cantankerous Gr0mp-E.
Announcer: The Lil-8, and Jason Alexander as Redge Moonhopper
Announcer: Keith David as Sqwee-zl45.
Announcer: R2D2.
Announcer: DJ Quals.
Announcer: Lydia Hearst.
Announcer: The original Droid's Day song by Train.
Announcer: And Seaworld's Shamu.
[studio audience applause]
[robot sounds]
[studio audience applause]
[robot sounds]
Happy Droid day to you all.
[studio audience applause]
Greetings Qt-Pi, Gr0mp E, and the Lil-8's.
It's me Constable Zuvio. The Constable of Jackoo of course.
[robot sounds]
Not so loud. I came here to warn you. Captain Phasma,
and the First Order are on their way.
[robot sounds]
Good question Gr0mp-E.
We don't yet know what they want, or why they're here,
or why there are still storm troopers, and tie fighters
left after all the Empire debatably fell.
Maybe everything will be okay?
By order of Supreme Leader Snoke who is without a doubt
a motion capture [inaudible], Droid's Day is cancelled.
[music]
Male Voiceover: Brand new TFA merch only at Target.
Male Voiceover: Captain Phasma's plasma TV. How about some Kylo Ren
Male Voiceover: oven mitts?
Male Voiceover: Set your laser's to stun, and keep your eye on the
Male Voiceover: target. We don't even know who this character is,
Male Voiceover: but why don't you buy a toy for him? Only at Target.
[Chewbacca growls]
Male Voiceover: Uh, Chewie, I think I just swallowed a fur ball.
That's right. We're putting an end to Droid Day.
[robot sounds]
You can say all the Droid Day expletives you know,
but they're the ones with the blasters.
The only thing that would change our mind is if
a droid would appear that was so universally beloved
it would inspire the order, because then as the
prophecy states, the Droid Day savior will have arrived.
And Droid Day will rock out to the break of dawn
with Train.
[robot sounds]
You want more time? Fine. You have until both of
the two suns go down on this never before scene planet.
Phew. That was a close one. How are we going to
find this universally loved Droid?
[robot sounds]
[music]
[he mimics the John Williams, "Cantina" song]
Now, I am cutting you off Sqwee-zl45.
You've had enough oil.
I'll tell you when I've had enough.
Oh, why not. It is Droid Day.
Captain Phasma? Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Relax oil [inaudible] Redge Moonhoper.
I came her to check your oil license.
Have you seen the droid that was so universally beloved
it would inspire the order?
Can't say as I have.
How about you Sqwee-zl45?
My maker didn't give me eyes.
I can't see.
This sure has been one eventful Droid Day.
Sometimes I wish we could skip the holidays all together.
Don't say that Captain Phasma.
The spirit of Droid Day isn't found not just in the
nuts and bolts of these spiritless droids, but
in all of us. Droid Day is a time to reflect on
all the ones you care for, and give praise, and thanks
to the droid god above.
Where are the ones you care for on this Droidsmas?
All the other captains are working.
Heck, I've been working so much, I haven't had
a moment like this to...
Reflect?
Yeah. Thanks Redge.
Merry Droid Day Redge Moonhopper.
Now, I better get back to BB18.
Now what about you Sqwee-zl45? Why aren't you with
the ones you love on this Droidsmas?
Line up a few more glasses of that oil Redge, and
I will be.
Happy Droid Day Sqweeze.
Have some nuts.
[music]
[robot sounds]
Well, well, well, looks like I'm getting a call from
my buddies Finn and Rey. What's up guys?
Poe Dameron, you rogueish character. You mind
lending Rey and I a hand?
You mean Luke Skywalker's hand that was cut off
on Cloud City, along with his light saber?
That's the one.
You're the best. Thanks.
I'll hand you this light saber, probably in the film
which comes out this Friday.
Oh no, they're coming.
We need a distraction to buy more time.
Perhaps I could help with said distraction.
Gosh wars. Anakin Skywalker. What are you doing here?
Rumor has me thinks that I make an appearance in
master J. J.'s new film.
That rumor was debunked.
Noo!
[robot sounds]
Times almost up. We need a a droid that everybody
agrees is likable, and fast.
Are you looking for him?
[studio audience applauds]
[robot sounds]
Well, well, well, if it ain't Kylo Ren.
[robot sounds]
Rumor has it, you and I share a little kissy-kiss.
Huh? That's not a rumor.
Ah shoot. Caught me in a classic Zuvio lie.
Times up.
[robot sounds]
Produce the droid.
[robot sounds]
Oh my God. It's so cute.
Wow boss. Cool as I too. And I've been pretty single
about this whole thing.
BB8, you are a droid we can unanimously agree
upon without noticing a thing. No mystery.
No conjecture.
[robot sounds]
Well, what are you standing there for?
Lets celebrate Droid Day.
Please give it up for Train.
[music]
♪ CL-BR8 ♪
♪ There's a couple times to celebrate ♪
[robot sounds]
♪ All of every droids are here ♪
♪ CL-BR8 ♪
[robot sounds]
♪ Come on everybody celebrate ♪
♪ 'Cuz Droid Day, only comes twice a year ♪
♪ Interrogation droid we tell you anything ♪
♪ 201-B runs the medical wing ♪
♪ R2D2 left from the start ♪
♪ vulture droids can't tear us apart ♪
Droid day is in all of our hearts. We look forward to it.
Let's come together for this magical time.
♪ Come on everybody celebrate ♪
♪ 'Cuz droid doy only comes twice a year ♪
[Chewbacca sounds]
[robot screams]