[deep in contemplation] Oh my gosh, everybody,
[zen background music] I need to take a moment and just...
relax-
I need to ZEN OUT.
My show preparation for today,
my extensive show preparation, has...
scandalized me.
[cheery background music] Last week, we talked about the ENFP girlfriend,
"Does she make a good girlfriend?"-
[dark, dreary background music] but this time we're lookin' at the ENTP
one letter off, but very different. And look...
I've been scandalized.
I have been- My brain has been workin' overtime
to try to compute all of this.
It's so much!
[music abruptly ends] I think I'm starting to over-promise with this video,
so let's just jump into it...
[upbeat background music] We find ourselves at PersonalityPage.com;
I love this page because
it brings me back to elementary school in the early days of the Internet.
It just- It looks like it's straight outta 1995.
These are just general "ENTP Stren'ths":
"Enthusiastic, upbeat, and popular."
[music comes to screeching hault] Okay, that's good, I like this so far.
This is lookin' like someone I would wanna date.
[music resumes- okay this is the last time I'm typin' this] "Can be very charming."
Well, that's sort of like when you got to the barbecue joint, and they're like,
"Your beef brisket...is cooked!-
for up to 12 hours...
—might have been cooked up only 30 minutes— but up TO 12 hours
—we take it out at hour 12—"
So ENTPs can be...very charming,
but they might not be.
"Usually good at making money,
although not so good at managing it."
Well, that's okay. I'm good at managing it.
If I could enter into some kind of relationship where I'm, not only
dating an ENTP, but also her
manager, somehow —business manager—
I think that would work.
I can keep a lock and key
on the money, no problem.
I'm very bad at making money, so...
it would balance- we'd balance each other out.
"Take their commitments and relationships very seriously," yet,
"able to move on with their lives after leaving a relationship."
Very good.
So, she'll love me, she'll leave me, she'll be fine,
I'll be crying,
and...[facepalms in despair]
All right, so those are the "stren'ths" of the ENTP,
what are the "whack-nesses?"
Let's look.
"Always excited by anything new,
they may change partners frequently..."
Okay,
okay,
so at least I know this going into it.
You know, let's get- let's put it on the table.
It makes me start to wonder...
have I date some ENTPs before?-
CUZ IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT!
"Their love of debate may cause them to provoke arguments."
Well, I dunno, for me
it's like a moth to the flame with an argumentative chick.
["whatcha gonna do about it?" pose]
After a while, it gets old, but it's kind of-
it's kind of fun to have a girl be like,
"UH-UH" all the time,
you know?
"Big risk-takers and big spenders, not usually good at managing money."
Well, we [clap] covered that in the last one, uh,
so, it's okay. I'll take care of her money;
she just goes, makes the money, I'll be the stay-at-home dad,
it'll be great. Uh,
is that weird to bring up on a first date? I don't know...
It's- It's too late. [hot beverage enters frame] I've done it- I've done it a few times already-
"ENTPs as 𝘓𝘰𝘷-𝘢𝘩𝘴."
"Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship,
ENTP's natural partner is the INFJ!-
or the INTJ."
But I'm INFJ, so I don't care about the INTJ,
Get outta here.
Stop trying to horn in on my chick! >:(
Next, we go to "Thought Catalog,"
[paraphrasing] "Things you GOTTA know before you date an ENTP,"
PLAYA.
You know what I've also heard about INTPs- or ENTPs,
whatever type I'm doing
(oh my gosh)...
They LOVE...to shop at
[triumphant music emerges for our lovely sponsor] 𝘚𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺6
Actually, every type does.
They love to buy
the cool posters,
the art prints,
stickers,
shirts,
WHATEVA.
I got a frickin' phone case from Society6, [models lovely phone case]
𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 stuff!
All independent artists-
check out the link in the Description!
I think you're gonna find something you really like~
And if YouTube wants to show a commercial, they may do so, right now.
Back to the video!
"They enjoy having their way of thinking challenged."
Well, uuuh, I don't know if this is gonna work because
I don't enjoy challenging people's way of thinking
CUZ I DON'T CARE.
"Live and let die" is what I say.
"You'll need to set personal boundaries."
Well, this is- this is already raising red flags!-
I'm no good at that.
Personal Boundaries?
HOW DO THEY WORK?
"Until they encounter resistance, ENTPs will push the envelope endlessly."
...
Dang.
"Let your ENTP know what you are and aren't comfortable doing or talking about."
Well, that's gonna be a very long conversation...
"Uh, you know, I'm not really comfortable...
leaving the house,
leaving my room.
Uh, you know what, I'm not comfortable talking about...
LIFE."
"Everything is theoretical to them."
Like, when they break up with you, they're like,
"It wasn't a real relationship; it was just theoretical.
We were 'theoretically' seeing each other.
When I said we would go out on a date on Satur-dee night,
it was theoretical.
I was, uh- w-whaddy-whaddyou think, I was making real plans?-
NO."
"The ENTP will turn almost everything into a philosophical discussion -
including conflicts that arise in your relationship."
So you'll be like,
"Hey, I wish you would listen to me,
when I'm talking about
my prom-bluhms."
And she'll be like,
"Well, you know what- you know what Immanuel Kant said?...
Something about me not listening to you..."
"They can be incredibly blunt."
Well, you know what, I like- I like a girl whose blunt.
I also like Emily Blunt so...it- it works both ways.
And then over here, we have,
"The One Thing All Cheaters Have in Common" - truthfinder.com!
So that you can be a paranoid person
[epic head bang] who does background checks on your partner, and
—I wish I could say I hadn't done that before—
"Emotional issues are best presented as challenges."
"Hey, ENTP girl,
I challenge you to stop crying...
stop being sad.
Pull it together.
Suck it up."
I think I'm really ready to date an ENTP...
BUT FIRST,
[hair sweep]
what we gotta do is we gotta turn to the most reliable source,
which is, of course,
something from Tumblr.
Once again, from Holly Hayes:
The ENTP Girlfriend.
What is she gonna do this time?
As you can see —the ENTP girlfriend— she's kind of edgy.
She's not rated "G" here, so some of this is blurred out.
If you are over the age of...
25
go ahead, check out the X-rated parts. [caution advised lol]
Uh, if not, if you can't get your parent or guardian to sign off on it, then...
you're out of luck, sorry.
So, the ENTP girlfriend says,
"I have a dream, that my four little children
—oh, so she-she likes MLK—
will one day live in a nation where they can roast each other equally."
Nice.
So, it doesn't matter, the color of your skin,
or the content of your character...
[adjusts self in chair] all that matters is that you can just roast each other.
All right, so we're getting into "function land" here.
If you don't know what the functions are, it's okay, but it's-
it's what makes up each type.
It's funnier if you know, but-
[realizes his fatal joke-telling error] (okay, I'm explaining a joke now...)
"Ne-Fe: start an argument at this funeral.
Me: WhAh?
Ne-Fe: 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘢."
You just GOTTA.
"I promise I'm not on coke Anon, I'm just naturally like this~"
Sweet.
"I HAVE FEELINGS AND THEY ARE MAKING ME UN-COHM-FORTABLE."
You know, I am
attracted to this kind of person
—people who don't really like their feelings, who just wanna keep 'em suppressed—
I've got a lot of feelings; I'm a feeling type.
I don't wanna have to deal with someone else's feelings as well,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Is that selfish of me?...
[thigh slap]
Probably.
"Wow, that's a really interesting point.
I've never thought about it that way before,
and I never will again. I've already forgotten what you said, goodbye for-evah."
There's that bluntness coming out, that Emily Blunt-ness.
"Nothing is stimulating enough, and I am a hollow husk...
of a human being."
I relate to this 𝘴𝘰 hardcore... [same tbh]
That thing alone...
That alone, I think, makes me...
[subtle thigh slap]
excited to find an ENTP girlfriend...
[you can see it in his eyes]
"Antagonizes you on purpose -
'I don't understand why you're so 𝘢𝘢𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺...'"
All right, all right so she's gonna try-
she's gonna try to provoke you, and then be like,
"Why you so angry, bro...?
You angry bro?
YO BRO!"
"Hey, I got kind of bored while you were sleeping
so I decided to build a particle accelerator...
in the basement..."
DANG, SON.
She is very industrious, and very smart
—way smarter than me, I don't even know what a particle accelerator is—
if she gets bored, she just...
she just builds stuff.
She in- She...gets to work.
She makes a flux capacitor...
so she can go back in time, and
say "no" when I ask her out. [lol]
"I didn't listen to anything you just said, but I do know...that I disagree."
DANG, SON.
See that- She's being combative. She's being contrarian.
The ENTP girl - she's so intuitive
that she just sees all these different possibilities.
You present a possibility, she's like,
"Pff, NAW - all these other ones.
You don't know whatchu talkin' about, playa."
"Hey, I know I've been saying one thing for the past 20 minutes,
but now that we've finally reached a resolUtion,
I'm bored, and I'm gonna argue the exact opposite."
So, basically, what I'm getting is
ENTP girlfriends are...
combative...
BUT,
very smart...
BUT,
also, they seem, like, set on just
making your life miserable,
BUT,
I like that,
SO...
[oh boy...]
𝘺𝘦𝘴.
Okay, now I'm passing it on to you:
whaddyou think about this?
Is the ENTP like this?
Is the ENTP girlfriend the 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵-𝘦𝘴𝘵 for the INFJ?-
You gotta let me know in the comments.
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'Til next time, stay cool and attractive ~
♪ Outro Music - Neptune by Riften (aka Frank James) ♪