Do you enjoy picking up random strangers in your car?
Are you struggling to find a job, or perhaps want to make extra cash that you get to keep a fraction of
Do you wear way too much cologne?
Well then, Tuber driving can be the perfect job for you!
Being a Tuber driver could set you for life
Our studies show that the average Tuber driver makes $20 an hour
$20! That's $5 more than Bernie Sanders makes!
Or something like that...
Of course, for every dollar you make, you have to pay your share to Tuber
because I mean, we are the ones doing all the work after all.
And, you have to pay for your own gas, that's your problem not ours.
AND you do have to use your own personal car
and we're not responsible for car depreciation
And not to mention taxes, that's on you too.
Oh and also, there are some minor expenses you have to take of as well,
At Tuber, we do require all of our drivers to provide at least 2 Fiji waters,
gum, and an Iphone charger for every single ride,
BUT, the Iphone charger can be the one with the shortest cord
so it's actually a lot cheaper than you think.
Here at Tuber, we're all about quality and safety
for our customers, which is why we perform extensive background checks
on all of our drivers
All you have to do is send in a picture of yourself
and our team scans the entire background for anything bad,
and if they don't find anything, you pass the background check!
Welcome to Tuber, you're a driver.
Once you become a driver, the next step is to choose your style of driving
There's so many different styles to choose from
you just have to find the style that fits you best.
For example, we have the classic "Personal Driver" who's that one guy who asks WAY too many
personal questions
"I see you got a lot of bags back there
"You doin' a lot of traveling today?"
"Mhmm"
"Well, where you headed to?"
"California"
"Oh, what for?"
"Just some business stuff"
Nice, is that like entertainment stuff, culinary stuff?"
"I, uh, saw stocks."
"Really? Stocks? You make a lot of money? You live in a nice house and stuff?
"Where you headed to? What's your social security number?"
Wanna make some extra tips?
We have the sob story driver:
"Yeah, it's just been really tough lately you know?
I'm just tired all the time, just got off a 12-hour shift,
gotta pay my rent this month you know?
And hopefully be able to save up for some food, had twins last month..."
We have the "Creepy Driver"; the one who doesn't acknowledge you or say anything the entire ride
As we mentioned earlier, the "Way Too Much Cologne Driver":
"Oh, I'm sorry, does it stink in here?
Here!"
The "Bluetooth Driver"; the one who talks incredibly loud in another language the entire ride:
**some language I'm not sure is even a language but kinda sounds like Japanese**
The "Road Rager":
"You're gonna just f*cking cut me off like that?
Stay on your f*cking side of the lane *****"
The "Either He's On Drugs Or Just Really Sleepy Driver":
The "I Just Watched The Fast And Furious Movie Driver":
**tires squealing**
The "Driver Who THINKS He Doesn't Need Navigation":
"I've been on this street before,
they must have moved it somewhere..."
The "Driver Who Doesn't Know How To Use Navigation":
"Do you know how to get back to the navigation?
Is it the one that says 'Camera'?"
And the "Driver Who ONLY Listens To Navigation":
"My house is coming up right here
Oh, we just passed it."
"Nope, GPS says we got 6 more miles still."
And so much more! The possibilities are endless!
Speaking of different styles, Tuber offers a bunch of different kinds of Tubers
that people can order.
So for all of our drivers, you can CHOOSE which kind of Tuber you drive!
Just like our competitors, we have all the original options:
'Tuber XL, Tuber X and Tuber Black'
But we did modify them a little bit to make us more original.
Rather than meaning 'extra large',
'Tuber XL' now stands for 'extra little'
And this is for all you drivers out there who have a lot of stuff in your car
so you can only fit extra little passengers
Not really sure what 'X' stands for
for our competitors, but with Tuber,
when you choose 'Tuber X', you're only gonna be picking up your ex's
which is perfect for all you drivers out there
who already camp outside of your ex's house
because if they call you, you're already there!
The 'Black' option actually seemed a little too edgy for us,
so we actually called it 'Tuber Wannabe Black'
and this option comes with a little ghetto Asian girl
who makes basketball references
"Hey yo, wassup, it's yo girl L'il Nancy
I'm your Tuber driver, 'bout to pick and roll (??)
Ready to go? Come to the hole? Add so? Lation?
Alright, let's go!"
And if you don't have a car, we have other options for Tuber as well:
'Tuber Motorcyle' where you ride in the back of a motorcyle,
'Tuber Bike', where you ride on the back pegs of a bike,
'Tuber Skate'
'Tuber Scoot'
'Tuber This Thing That Was Popular For A Day'
And of course, one of our more recently popular, 'Tuber You', where you just ride the back of a Youtuber
"Wow! This is a great collab! And what a great sound system you have!"
"Thanks! It's all because of my subs! Here, have 'em!"
"Whoa, how awesome, convenient, and simple!"
"Wait, where are we going right now?"
"To the top!"
"Alright let's go! Yeah, here we go!"
See, with Tuber, you can make all of your dreams come true:
whether it's making more money, or letting random people into your personal space,
or just saving the world, by providing a cheaper way of transportation,
Tuber is the job for you.
So what are you waiting for?
Sign up with Tuber today and-
*alarm sound*
This just in, a gunman is holding down a downtown parking structure
roads are blocked off, and people are being asked to evacuate
but they are unable to get to their car
so we will be keeping you a live updated-
You know what that means:
time for Tuber to save the day.
*Notification dings*
*engine noises and squealing tires*
"Oh dude!"
"Tuber motor-
Tuber motor-
Tuber-
Tuber motor-
Motorcyle?"
"Go back, go back...
Oh dude!"
"Whoo-hoo-hoo!"
*background laughter* "I got it, I got it..."
"Look at this, our freaking table!"
"You!"
*Ryan laughing*