hi everybody and welcome back today we're going to continue talking about
coping after a disaster this video is on general tips for coping we're going to
get into some more specific granular stuff in the next few videos but right
now I just want to give you some high-level things that you can consider
doing right now I am your host Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes in general we want to make
sure that everybody from the toddler to the older adult have someone to talk to
about their feelings and reactions and fears about the situation what has gone
on now is a very unique situation and we have a variety of feelings and thoughts
and sometimes it helps to just be able to get those thoughts off our chest and
have somebody else hear them and validate our feelings and say you know
what you're not crazy because you're not it's important that we don't feel
responsible for the disaster now this was a natural disaster but maybe you
were asleep when this happened and you didn't wake everybody up and go down to
your shelter in the basement or something and you experienced some some
problems because of that there are a lot of things that we can
feel like we're responsible for even or even after a disaster that we had
absolutely no control over it's important to check what you do and do
not have control over we can't change the past and if there's something you
would do differently the next time figure out how to do it differently the
next time but don't beat yourself up over it because that's just going to
drain the energy that you need to survive now also don't get frustrated
because you cannot help directly during rescue efforts a lot of us want to get
out there and do something to help we want to volunteer we want to pitch in we
want to do whatever to bring our community back together and while that
is a wonderful sentiment and it will serve us well in the weeks and months to
come sometimes there's nothing you can do or sometimes there it's just not the
right time to do something so try to use that time to
take care of yourself and figure out you know listen to new sources and you know
talk to people to figure out if there are ways that you can pitch in talk to
your local religious groups to see if they need assistance with food pantries
or you know stocking up and managing a donation closet where people may donate
clothes or food or pampers or whatever talk to people if you want to get out
and volunteer but you may not even need to go that far
walk outside look at your neighbor see if your neighbor needs some help you
know it may not be something huge that you have to go you know drive somewhere
to do you can probably provide help and comfort in your own neighborhood take
steps to promote your own physical and emotional health and healing by making
sure that you are eating well resting exercising relaxing and
meditating and I know you may be thinking after a disaster now is not the
time to be relaxing and meditating but you know what it actually is because if
you are completely worn down and burned out and exhausted you are not going to
be as effective or as efficient at anything you do to help out if you
listen to Stephen Covey seven Habits of Highly Effective People one of the
things he says is sharpen the saw you need to make sure you take time out to
rest and recharge so it doesn't wear you down in the process of you trying to
help we're going to talk more about healthy eating and rest and exercise in
the next couple of videos another thing you can do is maintain a normal family
and daily routine I said in the last video and I'm gonna say in successive
videos that routine and structure and getting back into your rhythm is so
incredibly important this morning I woke up we had no power we had I had no
ability to see outside it was still dark so I was scrounging around for
flashlights to try to make sure that our pence was still up on the farm and check
on the animals and do that kind of thing and I also wasn't able to take a shower
or make coffee because there was no hot water and both of those are very
disturbing to me because I have my routine and that
disrupted my routine now I was very thankful for the fact that you know I
woke up and my family was safe and I can't say the same about some people who
are in my community because there were casualties and there were a lot of
people who lost a lot in retrospect you know looking at that I look at my minor
disruption this morning as you know okay that was unpleasant but nothing compared
to what some other people are dealing with and it's important to reflect on
ourselves and compare what's going on for us to what's going on for others a
lot of times we'll look at our own situation and go oh you know I've
actually got it pretty good compared to and that can help us reframe what's
going on even though it may not be exactly how we want it right now
maintaining a family and daily routine also means making sure to get up about
the same time and go to bed about the same time don't stay up all night don't
sit around all day long watching the news broadcasts that keep telling you
the same thing over and over again and showing you the same images of death and
destruction over and over again that is going to suck your emotions dry it is
important that you get the information that you need and then go about your
regular daily activities as much as you can right now if children are out of
school and I know around here all the schools are closed because some of the
schools were decimated if children are out of school or didn't go to daycare
it's important to engage them in some meaningful activities today so they're
not sitting around wondering what's going on and trying to figure out why
you're so stressed out limit demanding responsibilities on yourself and your
family right now focus on the half do I have to get up I have to make
breakfast or eat breakfast I have to take a shower I have to do these things
but anything over and above that if you have the energy great if you don't if
you are in the middle of building a new dog house or a barn or whatever you are
in the middle of doing if it is not essential to your daily activities and
routine and functioning you need to really ask yourself is this a necessary
use of energy right now or can I table that for a couple of weeks until
everything is back to a greater sense of normal and make sure to use existing
support groups including your family friends community groups and religious
institutions to access emotional support practical support you know some people
may have you know holes in their roof and they may need assistance and the
water came in and flooded and now their their bed is gone or something and they
may need a new bed they may need a place to stay they may need assistance
boarding up a window it's important to be able to rely on friends family
neighbors community supports and even religious institutions because they have
a lot of friends and family that are probably there and wanting to help to
help with those things I personally wouldn't know where to begin in boarding
up a window to make sure that it attached because we've got a brick
facade to our house so it would be important for me to be able to access
somebody who had those tools and know-how in order to make that happen
practical support emotional support and just the ability to know that you're not
alone are really important during this point time and in your life and finally
I created a little acronym or mnemonic device or whatever you call it to help
you remember some of the things that you may need to focus on in order to feel
safe secure content and even occasionally happy right now
consistency it is important to be consistent in responding to our children
and responding to our loved ones and in checking in with and responding to
ourselves we need to be consistent in our care of self and others
keeping that pattern of it and this goes beyond just being consistent in our
day-to-day routines if you normally ask your kids how they're doing in the
morning then this morning you need to ask them how they're doing if you
normally ask them you know how their day was at the end of the day - at the end
of the day then at the end of the day today you need to ask them how their day
was you need to be as consistent as possible you need to check in with
yourself consistently to see how you're doing and what your needs are check in
with your kids and your family consistently to see how they're doing
and what their needs are once you check in that's great you get information and
then you've got to be responsive to it if they're doing fine well that's ducky
not everybody is going to be in a state of complete turmoil after this and
that's okay you know that is everybody's gonna react differently but if they do
respond in a way that says you know what I need something I need a hug or I need
some words of encouragement or I need some practical assistance then we need
to be responsive part of secure attachment is knowing that somebody is
going to consistently be there if we communicate our needs they're going to
be responsive in helping us meet those needs we need to make sure that we do
that for ourselves as well as for other people so consistency and responsiveness
a stands for attention aside from being reactive and responsive like we need to
we need to step up and be proactive and give ourselves attention taking care of
ourselves being willing to do things for ourselves to help us relax rejuvenate
etc we need to give others attention we need to reach out and go hey you know
you're doing a great job today give some positive feedback get bring some light
to this situation bring some happiness if you can V stands for
validation I said in the last video and I'm gonna say it again your feelings are
your feelings and they are very valid if you are feeling scared then that is your
brain telling you that there was a pretty big old threat last night and I
want to survive so I'm I'm I'm scared and that's okay
feelings are there to help us survive it's what we do with those feelings that
can be helpful or harmful so validate that whatever you're feeling
guilt anger anxiety depression relief curiosity you know there are a lot of
feelings going on right now once you have validated those feelings
have empathy for yourself and for others for what they're feeling if they are
feeling exhausted and overwhelmed have empathy instead of saying well you need
to push through and do everything that you had on your list say you know I can
really understand how overwhelming this is let's talk about what I can help you
accomplish and what really has to be done today so empathy is taking that
information about the person's feelings and needs at the moment and being
responsive and putting yourself in their shoes and going wow I can see how
overwhelming or exhausting or terrifying this must be for you that helps us
connect with other people and when we connect it helps us feel less isolated
and finally solution generation there are a lot of very unique problems right
now I saw a picture in the newspaper today of some persons truck that had
been dropped right in the middle of their swimming pool well that is not one
of those problems we have a ready solution for because that's not
something he ever planned for having a hole in your roof you know you may not
know how to deal with that so you need to have people there who can help you
generate solutions to the currents tuition so you feel empowered and you
are able to identify the things that are going on right now that are within your
control there are some things that are not but there are a lot of things that
are just to sum up Krave stands for consistency be responsive responsiveness
attention validation empathy and solution generation if we focus on doing
those things each and every day then we are going to develop much stronger
relationships and we're going to be able to help people walk through this
situation and emerge as survivors and victorious on the other side