Oh! (audience applauds)
I'm so happy to see you.
It's wonderful to see you.
I have flashbacks of when I first met you
when you were like a little kid.
Do you remember, and it was, like, in New York city.
Oh, yeah. And I remember some parties
at your house too in Hollywood.
Oh, yeah. (laughs) We used to me deal
with different parties back in the day.
They were so fun.
I used to throw them the most epic parties!
I'm so boring now! (audience laughs loudly)
In all seriousness,
your show was really important.
It was so successful, huge ratings.
It was a juggernaut.
It was a phenomenon for back in the day,
and that was, you know, before all these other talk shows,
like, you know, like yours, and there were hundreds,
literally hundreds when we were on the air that were trying
to kind of get on the scene.
And then, yeah, the show was just like, you know,
it came onto the scene and it truly burst.
And I was reading something, you know,
that you would get your inner Oprah on
when you were doing your show.
Is that true? Yes, when I started,
when they gave me the pilot and I was 23 years old,
I was like, all right, I'm just gonna channel Oprah,
like, what would Oprah say, what would she think,
what would she ask, and that was how I started it
'cause I was a huge fan of hers.
And, yeah, I didn't know what I was doing, I mean,
the idea of, like, having that kind of platform at such
a young age, I mean, I didn't have a sense of who I was.
I still am just figuring out who I am, you know?
It was a blast, and I look back on it so fondly,
and I'm also glad I don't do it anymore.
It was a true rocket, and it's true,
I've said I'm so glad I didn't have this show before.
Like, I'm only just now the least screwed up
I've ever been. (Ricki laughs)
And I'm glad (chuckling) I get to do a job
where I'm me and not someone else.
It's good timing.
I think I'm best at playing myself,
at being myself versus playing other people.
You know, I was an actor for a very long time,
and I still do a little bit, but for the most part,
I'm in my comfort zone when I'm being my authentic me.
It takes a long time too.
Like, I would never want to go backwards.
I fear
ever being in my 20s again.
I just, boy, gosh, I had so much fun.
You came to the parties, we had good times,
(Ricki laughs) but it's like, I'm very,
(sighs) it's true, I really appreciate you saying that.
I don't know what number it is,
but it's like growing up is not overrated.
No, and I do feel like, at this point in my life,
I don't really care what people think about me, you know.
It's like you, it, yeah,
it matters less and less and less the older you get.
I'm 52 years of age,
and I have to say, at this point in my life,
I'm probably the most comfortable I've been in my skin ever,
and a lot of it goes back to just, you know,
a big transformation I did a year ago,
where I shaved my head and kind of really went there
and shared my story with the public.
And I, you know, I was struggling with hair loss
off and on for almost three decades,
and I never had thick, thick, you know, hair to begin with,
and so, any hair that I would see on the pillow
or in the shower was traumatizing.
And, yeah, it was my secret.
I didn't even tell, like, my boyfriend,
I didn't want him touching my hair.
It was something just like, I would stare at women's heads,
I became obsessed with other people's hair.
You know, are they wearing extensions,
is that real, is that, you know?
And so, it just was like this cyclical thing that was just,
I was caught in a loop, and I'd reached a point
where I was kind of at the end of my rope
and I wanted to take matters into my own hands,
and, you know, it was very scary.
I didn't know what I would look like,
and I also felt like I needed to be transparent
with my audience and with the public, and so,
it was an unbelievable sort of rite of passage for me,
and I feel like I've come into my own
through this, this journey.
And, you know, at the end of the day, my hair grew back,
which is something I never expected, and so, yeah,
I'm happy to talk about it and to maybe help other women,
and also tell people what worked for me.
Okay, I was just digesting everything you were saying
because there's so much to unpack there in that I love
that you're sharing this with people because I assume
you're not the only person who goes through this,
but when you jumped off that precipice,
was it every emotion, anger, exhaustion, just,
and then was there met with a liberation?
Was it as bad as you thought it might be
for so many years to just go completely bald?
Was it like, this wasn't as bad,
why didn't I do this sooner?
Sorry, I have so many questions.
I just think what you did is so amazing,
and I believe that other people are on this journey.
Yeah, I think, when, you know, the secret,
when you tell your secret, it's never as bad
as you think in your head, you know?
I was so afraid of people saying mean things about me,
that I look ugly, that, you know, and when I wrote the post,
when I, you know, when I did shave my head,
which was on the 1st of January last year,
and I did just like an Instagram post,
and I just shared authentically, the first thing I said is,
look, I'm not sick, I don't have cancer,
you know, I don't have a mental illness.
You know, I put it out there, just, you know,
this is what I'm going through, and I, you know,
I think because it was probably the first time a woman
had talked about this issue, it did strike a chord
with so many others, and it is so prevalent, you know?
So, in sharing your secret, I mean, for me,
I'm also a sexual abuse survivor,
and so, I kept that a secret for a very long time.
And I remember when I did come out and admit
that that had happened to me, I was so surprised
it had happened to so many other people that I knew,
that, you know, again, like releasing the secret,
I think, can be healing in so many ways.
I'm so glad that you're doing this for the multitude
of things that you're discussing out in the world,
sexual abuse and hair loss,
because I'm literally also sitting here thinking,
we go through so much in a lifetime.
Does it feel
more empowering as you reveal?
Is it vulnerable at first, and then empowering?
I mean, yeah, I think it's all of the above, you know?
I didn't want to be the poster child
for hair loss for women,
but, you know, now that I sort of am,
I'm just grateful that I am in a position
of, like, really loving myself and appreciating
that my body works, that I'm not in pain,
that my hair grew back.
And I want to mention that, you know, I've partnered
with this amazing company called Harklinikken,
and they've been instrumental, I believe,
in getting my hair to grow back.
Not only grow back to where it was,
but also better than it was.
It's healthier and more vibrant
than I ever thought possible, and, yeah,
it's been an amazing partnership, and I'm just thrilled
to be able to share that with my audience.
I mean, I have had some really intense secrets
at certain times of my life, and it really did have
an amazing physical effect on me.
Like, I was in a hospital at one point, getting MRIs.
I lost sight, my stomach was distended, I had hair loss.
Like, stress is so physical, and yet we're so afraid
to tell someone what's really going on,
and I get convinced that the other side is worse.
So, by you doing this, I just think
you're gonna inspire people to get so much better
so much quicker. I hope so.
I mean, I hope so, and every part of my life has improved
since kind of shedding this,
this pain and suffering that I was going through.
And, you know, people that don't go through hair loss,
they can't really relate, they don't understand,
but it was a big deal.
It was something that consumed my life, and so,
now that I'm on the other side of it,
you know, I've found this amazing partner,
and I'm in this beautiful relationship, and so,
so much of my life, and, of course,
we're in the time of this pandemic,
so it's like this crazy time that I just, like,
feel like I'm in a place of just peace and joy,
you know, which I did not expect or see coming,
and we have a lot to be thankful for.
I am picking up everything you are putting down,
and I'm just enveloping myself (Ricki laughs)
in all the beauty and goodness.
(upbeat music)