welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen Richard Belzer was the host of a top-rated
radio program right here in New York City uh most recently he has been working in Motion
Pictures uh completing author author with Al Pacino he is also one of the most inventive
stand-up comics in the business today and it's a pleasure to welcome Mr Richard Belzer
oh hi
Hi how are you great you just answered me every time I talk to you okay are you in a good mood
okay that's the end of the audience participation I'm in a good mood so I was a little depressed
running out this morning because last night I had a dry dream but I'm over that depression
actually I'm still depressed because I didn't win an Oscar
I wasn't nominated but I still didn't win and I'm glad that Chariots of Fire
one it's a great film and a great song in that film right Chariots of Fire
I'm running on the beach now they didn't have Adidas then
it's a 1920s there's no black people running so an English guy can win
I hear that song once more I'm going to smack an Englishman in the mouth you know what I'm saying
a little tired of that song and I'm also glad that Katherine Hepburn won
an Oscar for trying to keep her head still for two hours that was quite
all right now wait for it like moan at first you laugh then you moan like moan at me like
I made that up like she doesn't shake her head right I'm the guy who stands
in the back of her head and does this right so so boo me right great yeah
you gotta take Dramamine and watch that chick work but you know a great cow we all love her but
then the president to get it shot because now the Oscars are on time now when Reagan got shot last
year I was really heavy and serious you know no matter what you think of the man you don't want
him to get shot you realize how many people want his job like as soon as Reagan got shot
the vice president was in Texas Bush heard that Reagan got shot and he bought a new suit because
he thought it had a job that's how sensitive he was and Hague heard the president got shot
he called the press conference for no apparent reason he comes out he says I'm in charge here
he's sweating his ties crooked his hair's messed up he wet his pants he's in charge
I'd rather live on the Falcon islands and have him in charge here that was pretty scary and now
they're trying to like get everybody to join the Army and the Navy and the Marines and I
was down south last week working as a waiter no I was down south and they had a commercial
on Southern TV for the Air Force like they want to get people to join the Air Force now I think
the Air Force probably has enough people that are ready but they run this commercial to discourage
people from joining because they had this guy on a colonel in the Air Force he had really short hair
his hair was so short looked like little Barbers crawled up his nose and cut it from the inside and
he was obviously reading cue cards he's sitting behind a desk he looked in the cue card and he
said how do you do my name is Lieutenant Gray's son before I drone Air Force I could barely read
you too can join an organization that's been in existence since World War I
so I joined the Air Force the next day by last night on American television
but also you see Jack Nicholson at the Oscars with the real dark glasses on Jack's my idol he is one
of my I have a lot aisle he's one of them and we went out to eat after I wasn't at the hospital
but he called me up and went to Burger King he eats at Burger King all the time pull up in the
limo go to Burger King and he orders he goes up to the guidebook he says I want an omelette
no potatoes Tomatoes instead and you can hold that big Whopper between your knees thanks a lot
Richard the bells or you you danced out here you danced off here I'm a Dancing Fool you'd really
rather be a rock and roll guy wouldn't you well I tried that when I said you mentioned I was on the
radio before I made a little money when you're on the radio they pay you more than 100 clear a
week and I invested all my money in a band in a studio and that's why I'm here to ask you for a
loan now did what what came of that did you have uh I have some tapes that you could hear anytime
you come over my house you could be the same deal a slim Whitman's company get in on that and uh
not quite that successful man those suckers out here um I changed my name to Dick Whitman but it
didn't work you're living in Los Angeles presently I live out in the Hollywood Place yeah crazy place
you don't look like a guy it's nutty out there they're fabulous people they're nuts you don't
look like a guy who'd live in California you look like a New Yorker I look like a limo driver right
no you said that to me once before I couldn't forget it it was such a fabulous line no
that's because you look like David Hartman doesn't mean
which is also your line it was I just do your lines to play it safe so I'll get
asked back most of this stuff no the but the Catherine Hepburn stuff wasn't my line no no
we want to clear that up in case she wants to do the show yeah just have a head rest for her
sorry I'm sorry I didn't know she was a guy we're just kidding around here it's like quarter
after one what the hell we can uh for Catherine everyone everywhere it's quarter after one tell
me about your movies you're a big Motion Picture well a driving force in the American Cinema well
I did do my own stunt driving in a film that I did no um one thing I'm very excited about is
I'm doing a movie with Robert Downey the guy that did Putney Swope and research Palace that's one
of the reasons I'm in town and I just finished a movie with Al hey you're really something wrong
here there's something really really wrong here no you're out of water your car is out of water
he does that in every movie for all three girls it don't make any difference no it's
really good to work with him because it's like a master class and acting watching him when he
was a great actor well things are going great for you well since I was on this show last
yes let me ask you one thing is it true here that you roughed up Henry Winkler is that a possibility
well there's a scene in the movie I play a pimp and a killer can you say pimp on TV okay
um I there was a scene in the movie so he cuts in on the heavy in the movies we say
not literally it's a figurative term for a villain and people in crevice Alabama and uh
that means villain now I was the villain in the movie and there's one scene where I get
the smack Henry around so the bells beats up the funds and unbelievable we'll look
for that uh he's a good guy I don't mean I don't want to be derisive of Henry because
I hope you come back if you're ever in New York New York again anytime you want thank
you very much ladies and gentlemen Richard Belzer we'll be right back with Edwin Newman