Let's see, what do people want me to make a video on today? Oh here's something
country humans
What? This video is probably going to be horribly offensive to a lot of people
in fact, when I made a journal which simply asked about country humans, things eventually turned into a debate between
people who like country humans and people who don't.
So clearly this subject seems to strike a nerve in people. When I first went to research this
mysterious fandom, the first place I went to was the fandom wiki. And the first thought I had was:
Why are there so many twinks on my computer screen?
Oh.
that's the uh...
country humans.
Personified things on the Internet are not new. Some of the most famous are Earth-Chan and more recently Black hole-Chan.
Country humans are not to be confused with Hetalia, which is a similar brand of degeneracy
But it's impossible to talk about country humans without at first talking about country BALLS. Or as they are usually called,
Poland Balls. Poland balls are quite simple in concept.
They're these crudely drawn balls
that represent a certain country and are often used in these humorous comics that make fun of a country's history and
International relations, they're often based on stereotypes and are often absurd. In short
They meme countries. If you go onto YouTube you can find
Compilation after compilation of animated shorts featuring these country things. These bizarre
Representations of countries have even spawned a dedicated fandom that has turned the process of making these comics into a science.
From painting guides to canvas size to all kinds of historical
pondering. And this dedication to history cannot be understated
These comics can get very advanced and I feel like I'd have to be in this community for years
To even fully understand some of them.
There's even a fair amount of rules that comic makers abide by,
Like drawing Poland's flag upside down or drawing Israel as a cube.
They kind of remind me of rage comics in a way.
But the jokes are usually much more advanced.
In fact, a lot of things in this fandom are advanced and I'm probably only scratching the surface.
For example, there's one subreddit full of genuinely impressive art. I mean damn, people put a lot of work into these.
however
While Polandball seems to be the largest and one of the oldest forms of these country
representations, country humans are likely the strangest and most perverted cousin of it. the way I see it,
Poland Balls are meant to be humorous, while country humans are meant to be shipping fuel. Or as 'Mr
Reich' puts it, country humans is just a cheap tactic to make country ball porn. Now
I don't enjoy stereotypes, but these things are... pretty gay
they exude an extremely gay aura with their thin, luscious, bodies
and
*LICKLICKLICK*
Fashion sense. And you know,
I got a feeling that's on purpose.
You can find these strange figures for all kinds of countries and geographic locations. Even something like:
"Mistake Island". Boy, you got that right.
But certainly, the most popular are the big boys. The United States, the United Kingdom
Russia, Canada, Germany and their variations.
Those fellas! On the fandom wiki, there was an article for many different countries such as the US
"The United States of America is a country situated in North America.
It shares its border with Canada and Mexico-" blah blah blah blah blah
"He is one of the most popular characters and country humans along with his half-brother, Canada and Russia."
Okay, I can get Canada. But what makes Russia a
Half-brother? "A character which he is most commonly shipped with."
Ahhhh...
Yes. "America is egotistical and rude when you first meet him."
Yeah, that makes sense. "But as you warm up to him, he can be a genuinely nice guy as long as you're his friend."
Hoh- ooh... uhh *sweats*
History:
9/11 is our entire history.
Opinions on Russia:
Mmm, this is where things really matter.
"This article wouldn't be complete without mentioning USA's relationship with Russia. In the fandom, he would be a love interest."
Ahhhhhh...
"Having a diatomic rivalry through their history
starting with Russia's father, The Soviet Union. The USA is really scared of showing to the others his love for Russia
While Russia is trying to hide it from his family. This is the fandoms view on the relationship."
Things are a bit tenser in real life... *laughs uncomfortably*
Yeah, that's a bit of an understatement.
Sometimes the detail and design choices are neat.
For example:
The United States is usually wearing a shirt with the word NATO on it, a reference to the North Atlantic
Treaty- a reference to the North Atlantic- a reference to the North atla-
A reference to the North Atlantic Treaty Organization.
Or how the famously cold countries wear these hats.
That's about as far as my praise will go. A lot of these country humans are just copies of Poland Balls in terms of personalities,
most of the design, and jokes. But with a full body. Like many things I've covered, this fandom is often
Baffling. You can find artwork after artwork of these
flamboyant countries. And if you asked me what the appeal of having
anthropomorphic countries have the sexy times with each other was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't see what would be different if
you simply switched out these country ball heads for human heads and just made them an average American and an average
Russian or something, and shipped them. Is it because these simplified heads are easier to draw? Or is it because the novelty of a
Personified country is just so appealing for whatever reason. Maybe it's the design that people find attractive.
Whatever the case, there's something that really gets some people's juices flowing when they catch sight of these
personified territories. That's not to say that artists are incapable of using
country humans to make amusing comics or even just an innocent picture.
But I think the true intention of these full bodies can be demonstrated
By the first few fanfictions on Wattpad. Such as, "Country Humans X Reader",
"Love Drunk", "High on you",
"Country Humans Smut" and so much more! After reading through several of these and
Gradually eroding any remnants of my soul,
I have come to several conclusions.
Many of these fanfictions have the potential for amazing satire, and a few of them take advantage of this.
"His father looked angry and disappointed.
"G E T I N T H E G O D D A M N C A R R U S S I A."
Russia winced at his father's harsh tone. As he got in, his father began to rant.
"I come home after a business trip, waiting for my son to come home to realize he's been gone for hours!
Fucking hours!
and with some
c a p i t a l i s t,
Do you know how stupid that is?"
But for the most part, they're really only romance fanfictions with extra steps.
There could be so many amazing jokes
if the writers didn't take the subject as seriously as they do. Just imagine you forgot the rest of this video and
Listen to these passages out of context, "Belarus and Ukraine
groaned.
Kazakhstan was too busy flapping his wings and dancing around.
"Kazakhstan! What did I say about flying indoors?"
There's something so surreal and disorienting about reading these fanfictions, that I am convinced
this is probably the closest we will ever get as a species to simulating a drug trip in written form. Now,
it's impossible for me to conclude this subject without addressing the elephant in the room.
One of the most popular ships is between the USSR and the Third Reich.
This subject clearly divides people in this fandom. With some claiming
it's all in good fun and fictional and they are aware of the horrific histories of these regimes, and others claiming
they are taking the subject too lightly and making romance fan fictions that
disrespect the millions of people murdered during these times.
personally, I don't care. The entire concept of these country humans are so fundamentally strange that this just seems like a
Drop in the bucket. I'm not going to argue
it's tasteful or that I approve of it,
but it's so amusing to me that I can't bring myself to genuinely hate it. Like, what are we supposed to do?
It's the Internet, the Wild West.
What do you expect?
The stuff on Poland Balls is far more edgy and offensive than these will ever be. This entire fandom seems like one enormous shitpost.
Polandball seems vastly superior in terms of wit and humorous comics. While country humans seems
superior in...
Smut? That's not to say Poland Balls doesn't have Not Safe For Work stuff.
I think I'm gonna have to wash my hands after this video.
I'll just leave you with this: if any world leaders happen to stumble upon this stuff
I don't think mutually assured destruction will be enough to keep us safe anymore. Anyway, my name is Solar Sands and
Goodbye.