- Hi, my name is Jeff Goldblum, J-E-F-F G-O-L-D-B-L-U-M.
I'm a guest correspondent for Wired.
And I'm gonna be reviewing and testing some travel gadgets.
[dynamic music]
Please, may I have the first gadget?
[dynamic music]
I'm being handed...
I don't like it already.
But it's plastic-y.
Ooh!
What the heck is this?
This looks like an, you know,
something requiring an embouchure.
[Jeff humming]
That's Christmas.
This thing releases.
What the hell is going on here?
World's tiniest vacuum.
You say vacuum, vacuum, or vacuum.
USB cable powered.
It has strong suction power.
The less said about that, the better.
A reusable filter.
Love it.
Use it for crumbs on the shirt after eating
and it works perfectly.
And that's an Amazon customer.
And he or she gave it five stars.
This is a joke for a vacuum.
Terrible to suck up anything.
It's Colbie, C-O-L-B-I-E.
Unusual spelling for Colbie.
I would've gone with, and I've known other Colbys,
C-O-L-B-Y, like the cheese.
Colbie gives this one out of five stars.
Well, wait a minute.
If they, if Colbie gives it one out of five stars
and the review is that bad.
It's terrible, she says, to suck up anything.
How does that rate a one?
Why would she give it a one?
Is that being polite, or gracious, or?
Give it zero, if that's how you feel about it, give it zero.
I don't understand this rating system.
[vacuum whirring]
Here's my feeling.
Colbie, you couldn't be more wrong, in my humble opinion.
You say it's terrible to suck up anything.
It's fantastic.
At least if it's sprinkles on a plate.
There's wet meat on a shag rug.
I don't know if that would do anything with that.
[jaunty music]
For sprinkles on a glass plate, a porcelain plate from Ikea.
Excellent.
It, every single sprinkle, it didn't miss a sprinkle.
It did it in no time at all.
10 Goldblums out of a possible 10 Goldblums.
That's my feeling.
I'm going to be handed the next gadget.
[dynamic music]
Thank you, Mr. Gadget Hander.
Okay.
Wow.
Already.
This is called Pocket Talk.
Oh, well, here it is.
Now that I've turned it on,
I might've in one more second realized this myself,
'cause it says Espanol, Spanish, Spain, English, US.
With Pocket Talk, a two-way voice translator device,
you can travel to 133 countries around the world
and communicate with confidence.
You can accurately translate up to 82 languages.
Even though they happen in 133 countries,
I guess they've really figured that out.
Several of those countries speak the same language.
And dialects in the palm of your hand,
using the best transcription
and translation engines in our library.
Incredible real time translator.
Quotes, Star Trek in real life.
And out of five possible stars you know what he gives it?
Five, five stars.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Well, Delta Tran starts off saying, crap.
Crap.
Won't even turn on.
Now, okay, so that's very clear.
One star.
Does nobody have the courage to give it no stars?
My golly!
Hello, device with a long name.
It just translated what I said.
[device speaking a foreign language]
Excuse me.
Can I have that omelet with no meat?
[device speaking a foreign language]
They got, Mr. Waiter, [speaking a foreign language].
[jaunty music]
My wife speaks French to the kids.
We've got a couple of kids,
and she speaks English beautifully and French beautifully.
But she speaks kind of exclusively French to the kids.
And I speak [speaking French],
which means just a little bit.
And so oftentimes I feel a little bit, you know, like that.
I could use this at home.
10 Goldblums out of a possible 10 Goldblums.
Be quiet now.
How you shut the machine up?
[dynamic music]
I like the way you handle it.
You could work on "Wheel of Fortune."
What the heck is this?
Well I, the graphics are interesting me.
Well, it looks like a camera of some kind.
And it's for, looks like it's for kids
'cause it's got that stuff.
[Jeff growling]
It's a gadget.
I'm, oh!
Oh!
Maybe that's how you take a picture.
Maybe I go like this and I...
I just heard it click.
I think I just took a picture of something.
Paper Shoot Camera.
That sounds like rock, paper, scissors.
That sounds like some kind of game.
These revolutionary digital cameras take photos
like a film camera, giving you that film aesthetic
without having to go through the trouble of developing it.
You can simply upload all your images
to your computer for easy access.
I dropped it in the toilet briefly while high.
That's a lot of information in that first sentence.
I'm not even done with the sentence.
And it still works.
Some filters work way better in different lighting.
Carson W has given it four out of five stars.
I can't believe I waited six months for this toy camera.
It takes photos,
but the quality is not much better than an old Instamatic.
Don't waste your time and money.
Oh, by Robert J., this is Robert J.
He doesn't wanna reveal his last name.
Gives it one star.
So for me to test, what I would have to test,
I'm not gonna get high
and I'm not gonna drop it in the toilet.
That's first of all.
Who can I?
Here Catherine, can I take a picture of you?
Here, watch this.
Keep your cameras rolling, for heaven's sakes.
Okay, watch this, watch this.
Okay, okay.
Hang on, hang on.
I've done it, okay.
Thank you, Catherine. - You're welcome.
- Big hand for Catherine.
Okay, so first of all, my eye,
and sense of framing, and composition is impeccable.
I give myself 10 out of 10 Goldblums
for the choice of subject and for the framing.
It's almost like "Citizen Kane,"
where I include the ceiling in the shot.
[jaunty music]
I love it.
I don't know what Robert J. is talking about,
it looks like an old Instamatic.
I like it and that's good enough for me.
I give it 10 Goldblums out of a possible 10 Goldblums.
Next gadget, please.
[dynamic music]
This is the classic.
I believe this is the Tom Cruise.
You know.
Wait a minute, something just dinged.
I don't know if you heard it.
I heard it.
Ray-Ban Stories Wayfarer integrates the best of your phone
with a timeless frame,
bringing you a new way to capture and share your adventures.
Ah, ah.
Comes with touch control.
Dual five MP, here we go again with the abbreviations.
Dual five MP,
I'm gonna ask in a second what that is, camera.
Audio charging case.
My eye fell upon that immediately.
And Facebook view app.
First of all, MP, well I'm sure
this techno crowd knows about.
What's five MP camera?
- Megapixel. - Megapixel.
Did everybody else know that too?
Carlos Wayt, excellent.
That's the review.
And he gives it five stars.
Stopped working after a week of light use.
And they give it one star.
So there's all that.
I would test it, but I,
I still don't know what to do with it.
What? - We got you.
- Okay.
- So you're gonna put them on,
And then there's a button right here.
- Okay.
So, so, okay, and we can test it.
Okay.
Once again, I need a volunteer.
Catherine, please come join me on the set.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, what's your name?
- Catherine. - Hi, Catherine.
My name is Jeff.
Say, do you know how to get to the Statue of Liberty?
- Just that way and then that way.
[jaunty music]
Catherine. - Hi, Catherine.
My name is Jeff.
Fantastic!
First of all, so I love it.
I suppose you could put this technology in any frame.
I, myself, favor the Jacques Marie Mage frame.
Of which I've, with whom I've collaborated.
We have the Jeffs.
So I myself am wearing the Jeff now.
So you could do this technology on the Jeff.
I wouldn't always use it in that creepy fashion that I did.
But it would be good for a lot of uses.
I think that's creative.
Has creative potential.
10 Goldblums out of a possible 10 Goldblums.
I'm a positive guy,
I give good reviews to everything, don't I?
Please bring the next gadget, which is the final gadget.
[dynamic music]
I love the way you do that.
That's fantastic.
I love it.
What the heck is this?
Well, first of all, there's a thing.
It looks like I'm to blow it up.
Hoo, hoo.
No matter how far off the grid you go,
the empowered Luci outdoor 2.0 inflatable solar lantern
keeps you out of the dark
for up to 24 hours between charges.
And it's completely solar.
Just add sun.
Wow, the best!
This is my second Luci light.
The first one lasted a decade and this one will too.
Startha gives it five stars.
I have a dud, certainly.
It holds air.
12 plus hours solar input.
Holds no charge, two hours best, then totally kaput.
Denise gives a one star.
She sounds like she's talking about more
than just, you know, gadgets here.
Okay, so here we go.
Already, that's about enough for me.
Wait a minute, just a second.
[throat clearing] Come on, Goldie.
Let's go.
[air squeaking]
And that's the old lung power,
that's the old lung power that I knew was there.
Hey, and that's from one lung power.
One'll do it.
That's already a good review for me.
I thought I was gonna have to for a half an hour.
Hoo, hoo, hoo.
One, that's one Goldblum.
All of my Goldblum air is in that thing right now.
Hey, this is now a little more valuable
than the simple device, right?
Wired team.
Can we please, whoever's in charge of this sort of thing.
Can we please, dim the lights.
Yes, further, further.
As dim as you dare.
Fully dark.
Dark, pitch black.
Look, okay, look.
Horror movie, love story.
Horror story, love story.
You see the lighting?
There, there, there.
I love you, my darling.
I love you.
I'll get you yet.
I love you.
I love you so much.
You see what I mean?
See what you can do with the lighting,
manipulating the lighting.
[jaunty music]
Well, it's very bright.
It's very good.
I love it.
This gets a full, another 10 Goldblums.
I've given away, I don't know,
10, 20, 30, 40, 50 stars.
I mean, Goldblums,
I've given away all my Goldblums.
I don't know how many Goldblums I have in me.
I don't wanna give away all my Goldblums.
But anyway, that's, there's the thing.
And it looks very, very, you know.
I wonder if you can get high and drop this in the toilet too
and what would happen.
But don't do that.
Well anyway, there we go.
I like it.
Okay.
Well that's all five gadgets.
So here's my question.
What did you think of those gadgets?
This is Jeff Goldblum, Wired correspondent.
Guest correspondent.
Signing off, until I see you again.
Signing off, thank you.