Cheating is one of my so-called “Marriage Murdering Mistakes”.
And it’s no surprise.
Cheating can dig a hole in a marriage so deep that it can have a lasting impact for years.
And it’s also far more common than you think.
It’s estimated that approximately 15-20% of married couples cheat.
And while you might think that your marriage is bulletproof and withstand anything, emotions
change and mistakes happen.
Some couples manage to overcome cheating and stay together, but for others the damage done
is too much and so they call it quits.
As a relationship coach, marriage expert, and author of the best-selling Mend the Marriage
Program, I’ve worked with couples that are coping with a cheating spouse.
I often get asked “Why would my partner do this to me?”
- Unfortunately there is no one reason for why a partner cheats, but there are many factors
to consider.
My name is Brad Browning, by the way, and today I’m going to share with you ten ways
to prevent cheating and infidelity in your marriage.
Number 1: Openly Communicate
To keep your marriage alive, you and your spouse must talk to one another.
Sounds simple, but I don’t just mean “good morning” and “good night.”
Instead, have honest conversations about how you’re feeling, what you expect from one
another, and what is and isn’t working in your marriage.
Equally as important, never hold in your emotions; bottling up your feelings is a recipe for
disaster.
To have effective conversations with your spouse, it’s important to let them know
that they can be open and honest with you about their thoughts, feelings and desires.
By assuring your partner that all judgements are set aside, you’ll be giving them something
they don’t have with just anyone: An outlet.
Being an outlet for your spouse to rant, vent, share secrets with, and explore their desires
makes you a valuable part of their life and is a great defense against infidelity.
Number 2: Never Assume
You know that old saying, “When you assume things you make an ASS-out-of-U-and-ME?”
Well, it’s true.
To prevent cheating in your marriage, you must be clear on what both you and your partner
consider it to be.
To do this, talk and make some clear agreements on what constitutes cheating.
Initially partners may not have the same feelings towards what does and doesn’t count as cheating.
For example, one of you may be okay with going out, flirting around and getting close on
the dance floor, while the other partner may see this kind of behaviour as inappropriate
and unacceptable.
Agreeing on how you will both handle other’s advances and how quickly you tell one another
about other romantic or flirty experiences can also help prevent emotional affairs.
Again, one partner may think it’s okay to flirt, while the other may see this as being
unfaithful.
What counts as an emotional affair usually varies from one person to the next, so to
prevent any sort of infidelity, discuss with your spouse what is and isn’t acceptable
behaviour.
Number 3: Appreciate Your Partner
Take the time to appreciate your partner every day, even for the little things.
It’s usually those little things that mean the most.
Even when you’re having a bad day, make a conscious effort not to nag or belittle
your partner for things they may unknowingly do that annoy you.
Appreciation goes a long way when it comes to commitment.
Since no one wants to be with someone that makes them feel bad or worthless on a regular
basis, expressing these types of feelings towards your spouse is an effective way to
prevent cheating in your marriage.
As humans we want to feel loved and valued - especially by those we have chosen to share
their life with.
Make sure you tell your partner how much they mean to you.
Number 4: Be Intimate
A key to any romantic relationship is keeping your intimate life spicy.
This means making time for one another, having sex regularly, kissing often, touching as
much as possible, and talking comfortably about sex.
In fact, a great way to prevent cheating in your marriage is to be open to new ideas and
experimentation.
Your partner’s fantasies might not sound like your cup of tea, but give them a shot,
and who knows, you just might like them too.
Even if you don’t grow fond of your spouse’s new cravings, they will appreciate your willingness
to satisfy their desires, making you more admirable to them.
Also keep in mind that being your spouse’s experimentation companion will prevent them
from looking elsewhere to feel fulfilled.
If after this video you’re interested in learning more ways to revive the intimacy
in your marriage, visit my website at MarriageGuy.com and watch the full length video presentation.
As part of my services I also offer 1-on-1 coaching.
You can see my availability and learn more about the service at MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
I’ll be sure to post both URLs in the video description below.
Number 5: Be Romantic
Similar to intimacy, it’s crucial to keep romance alive in your marriage.
This means taking the time to express your love and appreciation, and at the same time
having some fun together.
It only takes a small gesture to be romantic and show your spouse that you still care.
Try surprising them with dinner when they get home from a long day of work, or offering
to rub their feet while you relax on the couch together.
These may seem like small actions, but they speak volumes.
If the romance has been put aside because of personal insecurities, complimenting your
spouse regularly will boost their confidence, and in turn could also help them become more
romantic and open.
It’s been proven that when you and your spouse both feel good about yourselves and
the relationship, it decreases the chance of either one of you looking for romance elsewhere.
Number 6: Grow Together We all change as we age, and a big part of
being a married couple is growing together.
If you ignore the inevitable toll of time and expect what worked in year one of your
marriage to still work in year six, then your relationship could very well be doomed.
A big part of growing with your spouse is finding new things to do together.
One of the best ways to prevent cheating is by being a part of the things your partner
enjoys doing in their free time.
This is because bonding over shared interests will give you both something enjoyable to
do while sharing quality time with one another.
If you have any ideas for ways to rebond with your spouse or activities that call for a
joint effort, please share them in the comments below.
I’d love to hear from you.
Number 7: Avoid Jealousy In most relationships, there will come a time
when you question your partner’s feelings or behaviour towards someone else.
As tough as it may be, it’s important not to become angry or critical towards your partner
or the person they are giving attention to.
Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it’s also a toxic one that usually leads to self
pity and anger.
Acting jealous towards someone that your spouse shows interest in will not win back their
attention.
Instead, you’ll look immature and foolish, and it’s also likely to push your spouse
further away.
To shift your spouse’s attention back to you, focus on wooing them with your talents
and capabilities.
Give them a reason to love and value you by stepping up your game rather than threatening
to leave or becoming critical.
Being present and attractive to your partner works better than fear, guilt or threats;
especially when it comes to securing your spouse’s commitment and preventing infidelity.
Number 8: Emphasize Commitment Although you and your spouse are already in
a committed relationship, it’s still important to remind each other of the benefits of being
married.
You both have someone who knows you better than anyone else -- someone you have shared
history and life memories with; someone you can rely on; someone to grow old with.
Reminding your partner of the many reasons you both decided to commit to one another
can revive nostalgic feelings and happy memories.
Many times simply recognizing how lucky you have to have such a loving partner is enough
to prevent infidelity long before it becomes an issue.
Number 9: Allow Some Space Sometimes you need to give yourself some room
to breathe… and your spouse is no different.
Giving your husband or wife space to miss you is often overlooked, but it can be the
pull that is needed to bring your marriage closer together again.
This doesn’t mean you need to book a solo vacation to Africa, but it means that you
shouldn’t be afraid to do things with only your friends, or pursue hobbies that only
you can do.
Being self-reliant and independent is sexy… and when your partner sees this, they’ll
be pulled in again like a magnet.
Number 10: Be a Good Spouse Being a good spouse is a great way to prevent
cheating or infidelity in marriage.
This is because when our needs are physically and emotionally met, we don’t have as much
interest in looking elsewhere.
Take a look at how well you meet your partner’s wants and needs, and how well they meet yours.
Make an effort to step up in the areas that are weak, and communicate honestly about what
you need to feel fulfilled and happy.
You should always be your spouse’s number one go to person for providing emotional,
intellectual, and physical needs.
If you don’t provide these outlets for your spouse, it’s possible they will look elsewhere.
It’s human nature to pursue our needs, and if our partner isn’t there in certain ways,
that’s when we find others.
This can sometimes be the basis for an affair - whether it be emotional or physical.
To be a good spouse and prevent infidelity, think of your role in the marriage as a job
that you are applying for every day.
Ask yourself why your spouse should keep you around or fire you?
What do you do for them that someone else cannot?
Is there anything you should be doing that you’re not?
Are there things that your spouse needs that you aren’t giving them?
Reevaluating your role in the marriage and asking yourself what areas you can improve
in is a great way to prevent cheating and infidelity.
Just before I wrap up this video I’d like to emphasize that the best self defense against
cheating is a great relationship.
If you neglect your marriage, it will fail.
Marriages are like plants…if you stop feeding them, they will die.
If you want to cheat-proof your marriage, then you need to do the work.
Thanks for watching, I hope you enjoyed the video and learnt something new.
If you’d like to show your appreciation you can do so by simply liking this video,
subscribing to my YouTube channel and following me on social media..
If you have any questions about preventing cheating or infidelity, feel free to post
in the comments below and I’ll do my best to answer each of you.
That’s all for now, talk to you soon.