[audience cheering]
[soft jazz music]
- Without light, we cannot see the ever-present fight.
We came into this world kicking and screaming
and maybe, just maybe, we should leave it that way too.
[snapping]
- Wow, the cool, cool, ever-enlightened Matthew,
ladies and gentlemen.
Powerful stuff.
Coming to the stage next is his competitor for the evening,
Bradley Wilson V.
- Mm, it smells weird in here.
- Take it away.
♪♪
- Darkness.
Bleak, bleak, pitch black darkness.
Loneliness.
I cry out into the black, "Hey, Alexa!
Turn on the lights in the den."
Bongos.
[bongos play]
"Hey, Alexa, dim the sconces in the foyer."
It is then that I realize
my Alexa has lost its connection to my 5G network.
It can no longer speak
to my other smart home [like a robot] devices,
and so I scream...
...at my maid.
It is 3 p.m.
My nap is ruined.
[snapping]
Bongos.
[bongos play]
- All right.
All right.
Give him some love.
This is, this is a safe space,
even for, uh, hedge fund managers?
- Yes, that is correct.
That is what I am.
- Okay.
Well, Matthew, that kicks it back to you.
Speak your truth, man.
- Sea to shining sea.
As the rich get richer, there's so little trickle
to those of us who work to preserve the middle.
[snapping]
- Bradley?
That kicks it back to you.
Bring us your pain.
Bring us your story.
- Bongos.
[bongos play]
- Does anyone know the WiFi password
at this Airbnb in Copenhagen?
Bruiser, Phillip, do any of my boys know
the WiFi password to this Airbnb in Copenhagen?
The password you've entered is incorrect.
All I see is tiny, little dots, no idea where I went wrong,
and so I scream...
...at Bruiser and the boys.
My epic fail videos go unwatched.
[mic feedback]
[snapping]
Bongos.
[taps bongo]
- That was super unrelatable.
Matthew, that kicks it back to you.
- I think I'm just gonna stop
and let this guy dig his own grave.
- That's probably a good idea.
Bradley, the floor is yours if you want it,
but if I were you, I would just--
- Yeah, be quiet.
I will not be silenced.
♪♪
Bongos.
[bongos play]
Bongos.
[bongos play]
Ow!
Why are there no seats at the Apple store?
Why am I forced to stand at the Apple store?
[whispering] Website, Apple care.
[whispering] The website.
The website says there are no appointments at the Grove
for three full weeks.
I will not go three weeks without a phone.
I cannot drive to Pasadena.
I realize that my iPhone X
will be gone for a full three weeks,
and so I scream...
...at my assistant.
It is 3 p.m.
My Apple Watch goes untethered to my iPhone X.
[mic feedback]
[snapping]
Bongos.
- Yeah.
[bongos play]
- Well, it seems we have a clear winner here.
- Thank you so much!
- Yeah, it's not you.
- What?
I've never lost anything before.
- Well, maybe now, you'll have some actual adversity
to talk about next time.
- Adversity.
Opportunity.
I buy the smelly club and turn it into a Jamba Juice.
[mic feedback]
[snapping]
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Bongos.
[bongos play]
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