Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Today is March 1st, which means
it is the start of Women's History Month.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Exactly right. Yeah.
Just remember -- behind every great woman
is a man loudly repeating her ideas.
Let's get to some news. Today, in Washington,
the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC,
kicked off. It's basically Coachella
for people who post on Facebook in all caps.
I heard that this year top Republicans
like Ron DeSantis and Mitch McConnell
aren't attending CPAC.
[ Audience "oohs" ] Yeah.
It's being held in D.C.
at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center.
Now --
[ Laughter ]
Now we know Mike Pence won't be there, either.
I don't think...
CPAC calls itself the largest and most influential
gathering of conservatives in the world.
The speeches will be serious, while the people trying to dance
at the after-party will be hilarious.
♪♪
But this is nice.
After each speech, there will be a QAnon.
Uh, sorry. Q&A. Q&A.
After -- There'll be a Q&A.
Did you guys hear about this?
A few days ago, when First Lady Jill Biden
was flying back from a trip to Kenya,
the plane stopped to refuel in Italy,
and she ordered 19 pizzas.
-Man!
-So, apparently, weed is legal on "Air Force One."
I -- That's interesting.
She was gonna order 20 pizzas,
but she didn't want to overdo it, yeah.
Then she needed beer, so they stopped in Germany.
[ Laughter ]
People are talking about this.
Apparently, King Charles is evicting Harry and Meghan
from their royal residence in the U.K.
[ Audience "oohs" ]
It's a tough break for Harry and Meghan.
Nothing hurts more than getting evicted
three years after you move out. You know what I'm saying?
Some TV news.
Today, the third season of "The Mandalorian" premiered.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And, uh -- Yeah. Love that.
You can tell Baby Yoda's gotten super famous because
in this one he just keeps plugging his tequila brand.
[ Laughter ]
That's right. The new season of "The Mandalorian" is here.
That's right. Fans have been waiting over two years.
And as a special treat,
Disney Plus announced a new spinoff series.
-Oh. -Yeah. Check this out. Yeah.
-Stay tuned after "The Mandalorian"
for the all-new spinoff...
"Cocaine Baby Yoda."
-He-he-he!
[ Laughter ]
-What?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Come on.
-I'll watch it.
Well, get this.
Today, Netflix said that later this year
they're premiering a "Stranger Things" play.
Right now, a team of choreographers is hard at work
teaching a Demogorgon how to jazz-hands.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
It's an interesting play.
After every ten minutes, an actor asks,
"Are you still watching?"
Hey, I saw that the release of "The Super Mario Brothers Movie"
had been moved up by two days.
-Oh.
-In other words, yeah, the film's producers heard...
[ Mario coin jingles ]
And they realized it could be a...
[ Mario 1-Up sound ]
So they took Mario's release date and...
[ Mario power-up sound ]
Which means the other movies that come out that week are...
[ "Mario dies" sound effect ]
[ Applause ]
Well, listen to this.
Busch Gardens in Tampa just opened
one of the world's tallest and fastest rides.
Can we see it?
-Ooh. [ Audience "oohs" ]
-Looks like how my daughter draws me.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, it's called the Serengeti Flyer.
You may know it by its other name,
The Cellphone Catapult.
It's like -- "Oh, why didn't I...?"
I'm not sure I trust the world's fastest ride at Busch Gardens.
It's like hearing the world's fastest car is built by Kia.
You go, "Well..."
And finally, do you ever see a photo in the news
and think the headline should be different?
Well, I'll show you. We'll take care of that right now.
It's time for "News & Improved."
Here we go.
-♪ News and improved ♪
-The headline could be better. -Sure.
-Let me give you an example. This first photo here.
The original headline was...
That headline can definitely be improved.
Because if you only looked at the photo,
the headline could have been...
-Aww.
[ Applause ]
-Up next, this headline says...
Headline could have been...
It's like, "Oh. Sorry!
I didn't see anything."
Next headline was...
Headline could have been...
[ Cheers and applause ]
"I'm gonna go see 'Avatar.'"
Next headline was...
Headline could have been...
"No specials because everything here is a special?"
[ Laughs hysterically ]
Next headline was...
Headline could have been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
Next headline was...
Headline could have been...
-Oh. Wow.
[ Applause ]
-Next headline was...
Headline could have been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
The next headline was...
Headline could have been...
"Oh! Curry, over here! Steph, Steph! Right here, man!"
[ Applause ]
And, finally, this headline was...
Headline could have been...