>>CAN I HELP YOU MA'AM?
>>YES, I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW SWEATER.
>>OKAY PERFECT.
WE HAVE A GREAT MATERNITY SECTION OVER THERE.
IT'S PERFECT FOR PREGNANT--
>>HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'M PREGNANT!
>>I DIDN'T SAY PREGNANT! I SAID, PRESENT!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS! ITS A COUPON FOR...
WEIGHT LOSS.
WHY DO I EVEN HAVE THIS?
[SLAP]
>>WELCOME BACK EVERYONE TO MATT CENTER,
YOUR SOURCE FOR MATT MEESE FAILURES.
TELL ME MATT, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT?
>>UM, NOT GOOD.
HOLD ON, DO I REALLY HAVE A CHANNEL
DEDICATED TO MY FAILURES?
>>OF COURSE NOT.
>>OKAY GOOD.
I WAS WORRIED.
>>YOU HAVE TWO CHANNELS.
SPANISH MATT CENTER IS VERY POPULAR.
>>BIENVENIDO AL CENTRO DE MATT,
SU FUENTE PARA CADA FALLA DE MATT.
>>SO MATT HOW DOES IT FEEL TO ONCE AGAIN STICK YOUR
FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH?
>>IN MY DEFENSE, SHE WAS DECEPTIVELY
NOT PREGNANT.
>>LET'S BRING IN OUR FORMER FAIL COACH AND CURRENT
MATT CENTER ANALYST TO SEE IF HE AGREES.
COACH HARKEY WAS THIS MATT'S FAULT?
>>OF COURSE IT IS!
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN ON INSTANT REPLAY.
NOW RIGHT HERE HE NOTICES THE BELLY,
BUT IT'S LIKE I ALWAYS TELL MY PLAYERS,
NO MATTER HOW BIG THE WOMB, YOU NEVER ASSUME!
>>BUT SHE HAD THE DISTINCT SHAPE OF A PREGNANT WOMAN!
>>WHAT IF SHE SWALLOWED A BASKETBALL?
OR WHAT IF THERE'S AN ALIEN TRAPPED INSIDE HER BODY
AND PARASITICALLY FEEDING ON HER LIFE FORCES?
HOW STUPID ARE YOU GOING TO FEEL WHEN EXTRA TERRESTRIAL
POPS OUT AND THREATENS THE PRESIDENTS OF THE AMERICAS?
>>WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?
>>OKAY, WE ARE RECEIVING
BREAKING NEWS THAT AN EPIC SALE HAS JUST BEEN MADE BY
MATT'S RIVAL CO-WORKER DERRICK GREEN!
>>DERRICK VERDE.
QUE BUENO.
>>DERRICK, HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO MAKE THAT SALE TONIGHT?
>>I JUST LEFT IT ALL OUT ON THE SHOE AISLE, MAN.
>>ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHY ARE YOU INTERVIEWING DERRICK?
NO ONE CARES ABOUT DERRICK.
>>IS IT TRUE YOU WERE DRAFTED BY JC PENNY RIGHT
OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL?
>>YEAH I WAS.
YOU KNOW, I CONSIDERED GOING TO COLLEGE
BUT THEY OFFERED ME 8.25 AN HOUR PLUS COMMISSION.
>>CLEARLY, YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
>>CLEARLY, EVERYONE HERE IS AN IDIOT.
>>DERRICK YOU'VE BEEN HOT ALL DECEMBER.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
>>CHRISTMAS. MAN I OWE EVERYTHING
TO CHRISTMAS.
>>LA NAVIDAD, QUE BUENO!
>>AND HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO OVERCOME ADVERSITY?
>>YOU KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE COUNTED US OUT,
BEFORE THE HOLIDAY SEASON STARTED,
BUT MY SALES TEAM HAS A LOT OF PRIDE,
AND IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WE FOR THE GREATEST
CUSTOMERS IN THE WORLD.
WITHOUT THEM WE WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.
>>OH GIVE ME A BREAK!
HE'S JUST USING A BUNCH OF DUMB
DEPARTMENT STORE CLICHÉS, WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THAT WAS A THING UNTIL NOW.
>>DERRICK, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE KIDS THAT ARE WATCHING RIGHT NOW?
>>YEAH. ANY SALE IS POSSIBLE!
>>AND HE GETS A TROPHY TOO NOW?
COME ON!
WHAT IS THAT?
FORGET THIS, I DON'T NEED ANY OF THIS NOISE.
JUST TAKE MY WALLET.
>>POWER!
>>THAT'S DEFINITELY MAKING THE TOP 10 FAILS TONIGHT.
>>EL TOP DIEZ, QUE BUENO!
FRIENDLY YOUTUBE VIEWER.
YOU JUST WATCHED ONE FUN VIDEO.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?
CLICK THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON.
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO NEXT.
OH THERE YOU GO!
THAT'S GOING TO MAKE THE TOP TEN TONIGHT.