- Brees signed for two more years, baby!
Let's go!
That's the best signing no one's talkin' about.
Tom Brady's staying.
Why would he leave to go to Tampa Bay?
We really don't need to do that much.
Good to be king, baby!
I think we got a chance at gettin' Brady.
Reports are saying he's not gonna stay.
We re-signed Amari Cooper?
Let's go!
We were never gonna sign Amari Cooper.
We just wanted to bid the price up.
We released Greg Olsen?
Luke Kuechly retired?
We're gonna get rid of Cam Newton?
What did Stefon Diggs just tweet?
We got Byron Jones, baby!
Byron Jones is a top-five cornerback!
If Minkah Fitzpatrick wasn't such a baby
he coulda been on the best secondary in the league!
Bet he wishes he was still in Miami now!
Over there freezin' in Pittsburgh.
We traded for DeForest Buckner?
Bruh!
Kinlaw probably wouldn't have been there at pick 13.
That's a great move!
Who's gonna play QB though?
So we're not gonna sign another quarterback?
We couldn't pay everyone!
Least we got a pick and we saved cap space.
Can we sign a cornerback?
We traded Calais Campbell for a fifth-round pick?
Calais Campbell for a fifth.
Highway robbery.
He's still got some juice left, that's a steal.
That is exactly the pass rusher we needed.
We resigned Tannehill?
How much money did we give him?
Re-signed Devin McCourty?
He took a little hometown discount!
Any news on Brady?
Christian Kirksey, two years for 13 million?
What a steal!
How much money did we give Jimmy Graham?
With a no-trade clause!
What are we doing?
Why did we pay George Fant that much money?
We coulda got Bulaga at the same cost.
Everson Griffen opted out?
Good riddance to Xavier Rhodes.
We finally got the burnt toast off our team.
Let's go baby, we got Stefon Diggs!
Let's go! (yelling)
(chuckles)
We never properly utilized Stefon Diggs!
You don't trade Stefon Diggs unless you're rebuilding!
How much did the Browns pay Austin Hooper?
We traded DeAndre Hopkins?
Nah, no we didn't, we didn't.
(dramatic music)
We traded DeAndre Hopkins?
What the heck?
No!
Fire Bill O'Brien!
The best receiver in the league!
What did we get?
We didn't even get a first-round pick?
We got DeAndre Hopkins!
I am done!
They took David Johnson's contract?
(shrieks)
Why did we get David Johnson?
This is a joke.
Is it April Fools'?
Is this April Fools'?
(sobbing softly)
I hate being a Texans fan!
DeAndre Hopkins!
Jadaveon Clowney!
How many people does Bill O'Brien
have to push away from the team?
(maniacal laughter)
Deshaun Watson doesn't deserve this.
Oh, we signed Randall Cobb.
Oh, okay.
He's a slot receiver!
(cackling)
This is the best day of my life.
Why would they do that?
Bill O'Brien!
I love you.
I'm gonna get a Bill O'Brien jersey.
We stole from them.
The best receiver in the game.
(screams) Whooooo!
I know! (laughs)
We're winnin' the Superbowl, I don't care what anyone says.
Hold up, I gotta call my Texans friends.
Make sure they're still alive, hold on.
Byron Jones!
Shaq Lawson!
Kyle Van Noy!
What an offseason!
Fins up baby!
How much did we pay Ereck Flowers?
We got a second-round pick for a backup tight end.
We are killin' this offseason!
What's the news on Brady?
We had to fix the defense.
Mario Addison's gonna be a beast.
We signed Philip Rivers?
One-year deal?
If we don't like it we just move on next year.
Honestly, we need Andrew Luck back.
The Cowboys gave us a first-round pick
to sign Amari-drops-a-lot-Cooper?
To a hundred million-dollar contract?
(shrieks)
Why are we signing all the Cowboys players?
Is this revenge for Amari Cooper?
We got Cory Littleton, let's go baby!
It's gonna suck to see Witten in another uniform,
but it was time to move on.
Jason Witten's gonna be unstoppable on the goal line!
That's what we needed last year!
Maybe Mike Mayock does know what he's doin'.
Brady's expected to sign with the Bucs?
Nah.
Brady's signing with the Bucs?
(screaming) We got Tom Brady!
(screaming)
Thank you, Tom Brady, we're gonna miss you.
We're gonna miss you!
I already miss him.
(screaming)
It's gonna be so weird seeing him in another jersey.
I wish he woulda finished his career here.
I love him.
We are winning the Superbowl!
I knew he was coming.
Well, we won't have to deal with the bandwagon fans anymore.
We're gonna tank and get Trevor Lawrence.
Why hasn't he signed yet?
Is it official?
Or is it not official?
It's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
Okay, he signed, it's official!
It's official!
Let's go! (screaming)
Tom Brady is gone!
Tom Brady's gone!
Brady's gone.
I've been waiting for this day!
I've been waitin'!
We are winning the AFC East!
We signed Teddy Bridgewater?
We just did Cam Newton dirty, man!
We did him dirty.
Did you see his Instagram?
If Cam Newton coulda just stayed healthy...
Now we wanna sign receivers
when we don't have Cam Newton anymore.
Why didn't we sign any receivers when we had Cam Newton?
How much money did we give Robert Quinn?
Is he that good?
Gerald McCoy, that's a good signing, okay!
We actually got a team to take Nick Foles' contract?
Why would we trade for Nick Foles?
(laughs)
We could've gotten Foles for free!
Minshew Mania, baby.
It shoulda been Minshew's team!
At least there won't be a QB competition.
We cut Flacco, this is Drew Lock's team now.
We traded for Jurrell Casey for a seventh-round pick?
Who is Jurrell Casey?
Is he good?
A seventh?
We tagged A. J. Green?
We gotta give Joe Burrow someone to throw to!
How much did we pay Trae Waynes?
We signed Trufant?
Darius Slay is gone.
We got Darius Slay baby!
We 'bout to be lockin' down Amari Cooper twice a year!
Check the stats!
What are we doing?
No, for real, what are we doing?
We don't have a first-round pick this year or next year?
Like, I'm depressed.
We don't have any cap space.
We cut Gurley?
That's our new logo?
We gave up a second-round pick for Hayden Hurst?
What?
Dante Fowler's gonna be a huge upgrade over Vic Beasley.
We got Todd Gurley!
Gurley's comin' home!
We're about to be unstoppable next year!
Only thing stoppin' us next year is the refs!
Are we gonna keep Yannick or are we gonna trade him?
I honestly still don't know how to say his last name.
Why didn't we trade for DeAndre Hopkins?
Why didn't we trade for Stefon Diggs?
Why did we release Malcolm Jenkins?
Malcolm Jenkins is coming home!
(sighs) I'm so happy.
We had to tag Bud Dupree.
I'm gonna miss Javon Hargrave, though.
Eric Ebron might be the most
underrated signing in free agency.
He's gonna flourish with us.
We signed Melvin Gordon!
I don't know if we needed him but I'll take it.
After all that holding out
that's what Melvin Gordon got on his deal?
After all that.
We got Emmanuel Sanders?
He chose us over the Cowboys 'cause he wants to win.
Duh.
We signed Ha Ha?
What a name!
He's got the best name in football.
We actually signed a safety.
Are we signing Snacks?
I stayed up til midnight to see if we signed Snacks.
I didn't want Emmanuel Sanders anyway, he was too old.
Who is Blake Bell?
Travis Frederick retired?
What?
The Beard?
As soon as they start lookin' good
they start lookin' bad again!
I'm gonna miss The Beard.
I remember when we drafted him.
I was mad we drafted him!
Now I'm sad.
That Joe Looney signing makes a lot of sense now.
We got some great value on some players.
We didn't overpay.
I think a change of scenery will do Vic Beasley so good.
Jack Conklin is exactly what we needed.
Conklin might be the most underrated signing of free agency.
Give Baker Mayfield some time and it's a wrap.
Now we just gotta draft Greg Robinson's replacement.
This our year, this the year we put it all together!
It's Dennis Kelly season now.
We basically have the same team from last year.
Run it back!
Keeping Jimmie Ward is a win.
We can replace Emmanuel Sanders with the draft pick we got.
How much money are we paying Goff this year?
We were close last year!
We don't have to reinvent the wheel!
This is our year!
We signed Brian Hoyer?
Yeah, we're tanking this year.
It was a good run.
So we're just not gonna sign a receiver.
The Raiders really signed Agholor?
Have they seen any of his footage?
We are winning the Superbowl!
I gotta think hard about continuing to be a fan.
We're winnin' the Superbowl next year again too!
This is our year!
I just wanna resign Clowney.
We are winning the Superbowl!
All these years of suffering 'bout to pay off!
Any news on Leonard Williams?
I just hope the season starts on time.
'Cause this is our year, baby!
This is our year!
I'm a grown man.
Open the door Jon! - We're leaving the guy.
We're leaving the guy.
We're leaving the guy! - Open the door!
- [Jon] Come on, get right here with me!
Get right here with me!
Get right here, we're leaving.
- He's coming, he's coming!
- [Jon] Where, where, where?
- In front of us! Come on, throw it away!
- Open the door! Door's about to open!
Oh my god, it's opening up! (screams)
Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready!
It's open!
Did it not open?
Shut up!
It's opening, I'm about to open it!
- Ah, open it! (shrieks)
(screaming) Go!
(screaming) No!
No, dude.
I got out. You didn't get out.
(squish)
(wheezing)
- [Jon] (chuckling) No!
- Wow!
- [Jon] Dude, I didn't know!
As soon as I got out I think I heard him kill you.