Cris: Hey guys, what's up? How's it all going?
Zara: We're just wondering if you were coming into work today?
C: Isn't Edith on today?
Billie: No, you are.
C: Oh! Cool, I'll head over there now.
Z: You are aware that it's your job to set up the playground in the morning. Right, Cris?
C: Yeah, totally. I'm just heading back from the airport.
Hey, guys. Queenstown is so beautiful, oh my god!
But I gotta drop my bags off at home first, and then I'll be at work in a jiffy.
I'll see you folks in about like 5, 10, maybe 20 minutes - oh look at that I'm getting a phone call
from one of my flatmates!
C: Byeeee! B: Bye!
Z: Classic Cris.
B: Hey, so, what's your plan for when Happy Playland's closed?
You gonna do like environmental activism or
bird stuff or education or politics or what?
Z: I'll take the job with CAA I reckon
I like how they cover so many issues.
B: That's a national thing, right? Like there's an Auckland office?
Z: No, just Wellington! B: Oh. Cool.
Z: Got to keep the politicians under our thumbs. You know those evil lobbyists on TV?
That's me! But, you know, not Aaron Eckhart selling cigarettes.
B: Who?
Z: From 'Thank You for Smoking'?
B: Oh.
Z: What?
B: I dunno, sorry. Films! I've got auditions for them all the time and I feel like I haven't watched enough of them.
[phone rings]
B: Hi! Ah, right. Yep, okay.
Ah, no, yeah, I've been really busy so I haven't been answering her calls.
Which is stupid, I dunno.
What? Holy crap.
Uh, wow. I'm so excited.
No, I don't need to convince you. I'm excited.
Uh, look. I've gotta go. Yeah, I'm too excited.
Uh, yep. See you tonight.
Mind-Billie: Hi Billie. Me here.
Just checking in. What's going on right now? First; okay. Let's just push past the guilt.
If you don't answer your agents calls then she's going to ring your mum
who's going to call you at work. You've let her down once, just don't do it ever again.
Good? Good.
Because you want this, yeah?
If you take this job, you'll be set for months.
In Auckland, yeah. But - You'll just be acting. For months.
And after that, it'll keep going! More offers! And that's good, yeah? This is good.
Good. It's good. Good good good good good good good good good
Z: What was that phone call about?
B: Oh, uh, it was just my mum.
[phone thumps on ground] B: Sorry, I'll get it.
Z: Thanks.
Z: Billie?
B: Yeah?
Z: You alright? B: Mmhm, yeh.
Z: Babe, what's up?
B: Oh. I, just,
Z: Yeah?
B: Aaaahhhh
I've got, um. A lot of. Um. Hah. I don't know how to put it.
Z: Is this your anxiety again?
Should I do something? I'll get you a glass of water.
[music starts playing]
B: Um, no. It's not. Um. It's just. I mean, I don't need water.
B (singing): I'm fine. Z (singing): You're fine?
B: How are you? Z: Billie.
Z: It's just me, you know you don't need to hide it.
B: I'm not hiding anything. Just trying to fight it.
Z: Fight what? B: I just need to know.
Z: Know what?
B: I need to fix it. Z: Fix what?
M-B (singing): I just wish that she could be a part of this.
Why does it come to choosing between?
Z: Sometimes you make no sense. You never say what you mean.
B: While I'm standing here, breathing in this heavy air.
There's so much but it doesn't fill my lungs.
M-B: And even Zara can see right through, she knows me better than I do.
M-B & B: Which is new to me.
B: How can I get through this?
And just say goodbye. When I'm not sure what I want and I don't know why.
Or if I'm done with my plans,
M-B & B: Does that change who I am?
Z: I can see you. But you're far off somewhere, somewhere that will never be my place
Somewhere in your mind that's hard to face.
Let me be with you, let me calm your mind if you just slow down I think you'll find
that I'll be here.
B: If mum and dad call I'm not where I'm meant to be How could I ever face them let them see
there's a door here and a nightmare a moment that I've always hoped for
M-B: It feels as good as it could be is it worth it all, 'cos I have the key!
I've never had to consider this part of me before!
Z: You need to breathe in. You need to breathe in and out.
Can't you just let it all out? It's only me around.
If you listen, you can make this feeling go away.
So hear me when I say, that you will be okay.
B: What I need right now while I'm in this mode While I'm here sorting out this mental load
I need you to, no I need two plans to become
B: one solution. Z: Be okay.
M-B: What I need to do is find a way Either choice I make will make me say
things I don't mean - B: But I do mean -
B: I did not ever think I'd -
B: What I need right now while I'm in this mode Z: You need to breathe in and out
M-B: While I'm sorting out this mental load Z: Just tell me what this is about
M-B: I need you to - no, I need Z: I can't help you if you don't talk to me
B: Two plans to become one solution. Z: Stay with me, you're okay
B: Will make me say things I don't mean, but I do mean. Z: Why won't you listen?
M-B: I did not ever think I'd -
Z: Can you hear me? B: I'd be here.
Z: Billie, won't you listen?
B: That I'd be here. Z: Can you hear me?
M-B: I'd be here! Z: Can you hear me?
Z: Billie, won't you listen?
B: While I'm in this mode... M-B: Just breathe! Z: Just tell me what this is about...
B: ...I need two plans to become one solution. M-B: Just breathe! Z: I can't help you if you don't talk to me.
B: ...things I don't mean, but I do mean... M-B: I! Z: Stay with me, you're okay
B: I did not ever think, I'd be here. M-B: I can't! Z: Can you hear me?
Z: Billie, won't you listen?
B: I'd be here. M-B: I can't! Z: Can you hear me?
Z: Billie, won't you listen?
[Z's phone DINGS]
Z (spoken): Shit, shit. Fuck. No. I'm so sorry.
I should've asked if this was okay.
I haven't seen anyone since we hooked up.
I just didn't know if we were at the Tinder-deleting stage.
B: Sorry, uh, I just -
Uh, uhm.
This is not cool. There is nothing sexy about what's happening.
This must seem ridiculous.
Must look like I'm doing some sort of weird performance. I'm sorry.
It's just going to be like this for a bit.
My heart starts beating super fast and
my arms get tingly and I breathe fast. I started taking these pills and the GP
said they make you a little more anxious to begin with.
Should calm down.
Z: Billie, is this okay? Should I call an ambulance?
B: I'm not sure. I never thought about calling an ambulance.
Yeah, yeah, maybe we should call an ambulance.
Oh, no, no. I think it should pass.
[B's breathes rapidly]
Z: Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you want me to hold your hand?
B (whispered): Yes please.
It's sortof like
Feels like there's a supernova, exploding and collapsing inside me.
And I need to focus very hard on holding it in.
And then sometimes
I'm sorry, this really isn't about you.
It's just chemicals.
Z: Yeah.
B: Ah, gross.
Sometimes... It feels like it would be easier to just sort of not be.
Because it hurts.
Having a supernova exploding and collapsing inside you.
I mean, it's just one of those things that shouldn't be in a person like
and inflamed appendix or KFC.
[both sniffle and giggle]
B: Can I also just say again that this honestly isn't about you.
I mean, it is. Sortof. This time.
But anything can be a catalyst, you know.
Like, lots of things make me anxious so don't feel like you need to look after me.
I mean obviously right now I look like I need someone to look after me, and I'm not going to let go of your hand.
But, in a bit, you can make any sort of decision you want.
I'm sorry.
I'm burdening you with this, you don't deserve it.
Z: Billie, maybe just slow down for a sec?
Don't think. I've got you.
[B takes intentionally deep, slow breaths]
B: Anxiety sucks.
Z: I know.
Z: It's deleted.
B: Haaahh. No!
B: This is awful. Z: No, it's fine.
B: Aah! I'm manipulating you with my anxiety!
Z: Look. Don't feel guilty. Don't overthink it, okay?
Look, we can talk about this later. I can download it again if I want to.
But I don't want to. Right now, I just want to be here.
With you.
Z: Okay? B: Okay.
Z: Don't overthink it.
B: Okay.
Z: We'll be more like Cris, yeah?
Won't get too angry. Overthink things.
We'll just be.
B: Yeah. We'll be more like Cris.
Thank you.
[C wails]
[C continues to wail gently]