Translator: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
(Appolo Sevant's recorded voice) Hello?
Hello?
Can you all hear me?
Welcome to the world's first telepathic [TEDx] talk.
Got you! Of course it's not telepathy, come on.
We're about actual science at [TEDx].
What you are seeing is a new technology
designed by the Natural Institute of Nanotech.
Believe it or not, a few weeks ago,
I volunteered to have a microphone implanted inside of my throat.
This allows me through Bluetooth to express my thoughts
without having to actually use my vocal cords,
and the way that it works is -
You didn't actually fall for that as well, did you?
Come on, [TEDx] audience!
We're supposed to be a room full of intellects here.
Okay, okay.
Let me get serious.
What you're actually witnessing
is a theatrical performance that's meant to make a point,
and one of the points is that I oftentimes will use humor
to cover up what I'm really feeling inside.
I figure that if I can make you laugh, then maybe you'll like me,
and if I can get you to like me,
then maybe that will make up for the parts of myself that I hate.
(Background piano music starts)
If you really knew me,
you'd know that I hide behind a mask
and that sometimes I'd rather be alone than to be around other people,
mostly because so many have let me down in this lifetime.
I have always felt different than everyone else
as if I didn't belong.
Now, nobody would know about these things that I privately struggle with,
because I post photos on social media of me being happy,
but to be honest,
it's just an imagine that I hide behind.
In reality,
there are a lot of times that I feel insecure,
and the older that I get,
the more pressure that I feel to have it all together.
I can't help but think that I should be further in my life than I am.
And because of my childhood wounds,
so many of my actions and unhealthy relationships I end up in
are driven by my need to simply be loved.
It's why I'm constantly seeking validation from outside of myself.
This is hard for me to admit,
but my mental health hasn't been stable, and I'm in a very dark place,
and I feel scared.
I struggle with anxiety, insomnia and depression.
I'm either stuck in the past or worrying about the future.
I have hurt people who I loved.
I have lost friends over the years,
and through this private struggle, nobody checks in on me.
On the outside, it seems like I have it all together,
but on the inside, there is an anger growing inside of me,
this feeling of not being enough,
and it leads me to constantly wanting more.
It's like happiness is always in front of me and I can't seem to get there.
I've gone through so much pain and loss in my life,
and I can't take it anymore.
I feel like I've reached my breaking point.
And there is something that you all need to know -
I am going to take my own life.
And I want to ask you for help, I do; I just - I don't know where to go.
The truth is that somewhere underneath all of this pain,
I actually want to live,
I want to be happy,
I want to love,
I want to be loved!
I just don't know how.
And as I reach the end of my life,
I just wanted to feel like I was part of something bigger,
to feel like I belonged,
to feel like my life had a purpose.
But it doesn't.
I'm so sorry,
but I don't see any other way out.
(Piano music ends)
When I first walked on this stage,
you had no idea what I was carrying inside of me.
And how could you if I remained silent?
The truth is that we can't read people's minds,
and when we as a society
do not have safe spaces to express these thoughts and feelings,
they don't just go away.
Instead, they grow inside of us
as we spiral into shame and self-sabotage.
And I know because a lot of times when I have these thoughts,
I feel like I'm the only one,
but maybe this [TEDx] audience can remind me that I'm not alone.
Maybe empathy can save a life.
During these last few minutes,
when you heard my most private thoughts, feelings and insecurities,
please raise your hand if you were able to relate to even just one of them
at some point in your life.
Now I want you to look around this room right now.
See, we feel that we're the only ones that are going through these things,
but we only feel that way because we live in an image-focused society
where we're not talking about what's real for us.
I truly believe that empathy can connect the world,
but there are two things that need to happen for that to be true.
First, the individual has to have the courage to get vulnerable,
and second, the collective needs to make it safe for that person to do so.
You know, we call these speeches "[TEDx] Talks,"
but the part that's often missed is that the audience listens.
And I believe that we all deserve to have a safe space in our lives
where we can simply be heard without being judged or fixed.
Empathy not only heals the person who needs it,
but it also expands the person who gives it.
And true empathy is meant to be felt and experienced.
So this next part, we're going to do together.
I want you to look around this room again
and notice what judgments you might have of the people in this room.
Because in this room, there are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters,
there are survivors who have gone through trauma as children.
Maybe there are people who know someone who's fighting an addiction,
people who have lost someone to cancer,
others who have lost someone to suicide.
There are some that feel depressed.
Maybe there are some people that feel alone.
You have been sitting in a room with dozens of untold stories,
people that you might walk by on the street.
Think about our co-workers, our friends,
the people that we're connected to on social media.
How well do we truly know each other?
What if we practiced empathy and vulnerability
with the people in our lives and with strangers?
What if we all have more in common than we realize?
So let's do an experiment.
I'm going to ask everyone to please scoot up to the edges of your seat.
Now, I'm going to read one category,
and if what I say applies to you,
I'm just going to ask you to stand up in front of your chair.
It's that simple.
But first I'm going to ask everyone to go ahead,
drop their heads to the floor,
and I'm going to ask everyone to close their eyes.
And go ahead and take in a slow, deep breath,
and take a moment to think about your life.
Think about who you were as a child.
(Background piano music starts)
Think about the times that you needed somebody to be there for you
and they weren't;
times that you've felt misunderstood and alone.
What if the times you needed somebody,
you had an entire community of people that were there for you,
that can relate to you?
Now,
with your eyes remaining closed,
please stand up
if you have ever in your life felt lonely, sad or afraid.
Go ahead.
(Background piano music continues)
Now, open your eyes and look around.
See how many other people know what this feels like.
See, when we feel alone, it's not because there's a lack of people;
it's because there is a lack of connection.
As a sign of support, I'm going to ask everyone to go ahead
and put your hand around the person on your left and right,
just as a symbolic gesture,
just to say that we've got each other's backs
and we don't have to do this alone anymore.
See, that took two seconds.
That's how easy it is to feel connected to the people in our communities.
What if we had the space in our lives to be this vulnerable?
What if the answer was really this simple?
(Piano music ends)
Thank you, you can all have a seat now.
And now, when you look around this room,
notice if you feel a little bit more connected
than you did when you first walked in here.
You feel like you understand the people in this room a little bit more.
Notice that during that activity,
it didn't matter what somebody's race, religion or politics was.
In that moment, they were just a person, just like you,
and together we were having a human experience.
I believe that we must restructure our society
so that empathy is at the top of the priority list
of what it means to be a human,
because once you know somebody's story,
it's a lot harder to hurt them.
I believe that empathy training should be required,
and once it is implemented in our society,
we will see a drastic reduction in violence and suicide,
and I believe that it must be taught at a young age.
I facilitate a longer version of this activity
for students all around the country
in a school workshop called Challenge Day.
And after we finish, I have seen countless times
students that were going to take their own lives that week
realize for the first time that they're not alone,
and I would see a glimmer of hope in their eyes for the future.
So I challenge you all:
next time you ask somebody "How are you?"
don't settle for "I'm fine."
Ask them how they really are,
find out how they're actually feeling
and be a safe place for people to be able to express themselves
without feeling scared of your judgments.
The tape on my mouth earlier
represents all the reasons that people become silenced.
And what you just experienced today
represents all the reasons why they shouldn't be.