Cobbler.
Love cobbler.
Hey, do you mind grabbing my water real quick?
Yes, sir.
I got you.
Mmm.
[SNORING]
Oh, turkey got to him.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHS] I had the turkey too.
Oh.
[DISHES CLANKING]
Turkey coma.
Phil, you didn't have the turkey, did you?
[SNORING]
Yeah.
Why?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
All right.
Who wants turkey?
Oh.
[LAUGHTER]
She literally does that every year.
You know what?
I'll just start with salad.
OK.
That should be good.
Can't burn that.
Oh, you can.
[LAUGHS] OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Bunch of rolls.
Salad.
Lame.
Oh.
[BURPS] Oh, time for tenths.
Oh, don't mind if I do.
Let's take two.
Yee-hoo.
Time to go sit my--
gravy.
I forgot gravy this whole time.
All right, boys.
You guys want to head to the backyard,
throw a little football around?
No, I'm good, man-- a little stuffed.
Oh, you'd be fine.
We're not like running around.
It's like a toss around.
You'll love it.
It'll be great.
Yeah.
I got it.
You like that?
3-18.
Hike!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[YELLING]
[WHISTLE]
Guys, come on.
Get open or something!
[WHISTLE]
[YELLING]
Cousin Gabe and Miles.
What are you guys doing here?
Well, I don't know what to do with that.
Hey.
How's it going?
Good to see you guys.
Oh, thank-- honey, Miles brought us a housewarming plant.
That's so sweet, isn't it?
It's a housewarming succulent.
That's awesome.
Because life ss-- so come on in, guys.
Wow.
OK, everyone.
I want us to go around and just share what you're thankful for,
please.
[GROANS]
Listen.
I'm going to go first.
I'm just thankful that my whole family is here together.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Oh, we know you are, Mom.
I'm just thankful the food is hot this year.
I can't really think of anything.
Pass.
I'm thankful that I can make it today
so that I don't have to come to Christmas.
I don't know.
I'm having a hard time just picking one,
but they doubled my salary again.
How's it like living at home, Kev?
You know, it's not that bad, man.
She sets it on 68 every night.
I'm proud of you, though.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
I knew you were.
Yeah.
I know you were.
I knew you were proud of me.
Yeah.
Touch me again, Kev.
All right.
The mission's simple, Derek.
We get in.
We get out safely, all right?
Shield up.
3, 2, 1.
I think we're good.
[EXPLOSION]
Whoa.
Derek, you OK?
Yeah.
Hey, everybody.
Listen up.
We've got an extra seat at the table.
Your mom and I have picked our second son, Tyler,
to move from the kid's table to the adult table.
Tyler.
Hey, that should be me.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
So, did everybody protest their property taxes this year?
Yeah.
How's your 401(k)?
Well, I didn't do that.
But I got a new energy efficient vacuum,
and the suction is amazing.
Half the price of a (ECHOING) Dyson.
Here we go!
[LAUGHS]
And the scripture sisters are meeting not just on Tuesdays
but on--
Good time to think about it increasing your contributions.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Did you guys catch any Pokemon recently?
[CRICKETS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Are they open yet?
I'm freezing.
Boy, that 10-degree wind chill will cut right
through your loins, huh?
I mean, I'm not too bad.
I'm decked out in my Omni-Heat Infinity gear.
Oh.
Body heats the jacket, and the jacket heats the body.
Store is officially open.
Yeah, one of these.
Oh, yeah.
That's nice.
Hey, Merry Christmas.
Happy holidays.
You're so cold, you look like White Walker.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Could you pass me that honey?
Speaking of money-- one second.
I didn't say money.
I said honey.
Oh.
A year ago, I made a couple big mistakes.
But that was a scam.
This is the real deal.
Income, income, income.
10x, 10x, 10x.
And that's 20 people that you're going to get to here.
But guess what?
Those 20 get 20 because they would make me and you-- they
would make you a millionaire.
You'll never work a day in your life, my friend.
Oh, that would be so fun.
How would you like that?
Who's your customer?
Your mom, your dad, your grandma.
The older, the better, the more trusting.
Those people will dive in full force.
They won't ask any questions.
Now the knives lead to the timeshare.
The timeshare leads to the candles.
We're going to keep moving up, and that's where the money is.
That actually makes a lot of sense.
So what happens when people just say,
well, this is just a pyramid scheme?
Flip that pyramid right around.
Guess what it is?
That's your basic funnel, money pouring out
to you and you and you and me.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hey, I'm not going to be able to come in next week.
I quit.
Keep it rolling.
It makes a lot of sense.
It really does, if you think about.
Absolutely.
Makes a lot of sense.
All right.
Let me bless it real quick.
Yeah.
Father, thank you for the upcoming truck month,
the amount of savings that we are
going to be blessed to partake in, the low interest rates.
For the lettuce, Lord, that you've
provided us on our table.
We like meat here, but we will eat it and we thank you for it.
Father, for being able to pipe a drive
305 down the center of the fairway.
It's a beautiful feeling.
We thank you for zero-turn mowers.
Thank you for country music.
And all Gods people said boogity boogity boogity.
Amen.
Guys?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Say, Kevin, have you got any girlfriends yet?
Oh, Grandmother, not this again.
You got any applications?
Dating apps.
Grandma, you know I don't do that.
Be like your sister there.
She found somebody.
Why don't you get a puppy and go to the park?
Girls love puppies.
They do.
You need to get off that X machine
and get me some great grandbabies.
Well, how'd you all meet anyway?
Well, I took a puppy to the park.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, oh, oh.
That was a really big serving.
Buddy, you know what's really good?
Green beans.
This should be plenty for at least two people.
Man, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
No.
Hey.
There's a whole other pan in the oven.
Oh.
It's fine.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPING]
Well, the current administration is struggling a little bit.
[LAUGHS] I'm out.
The audacity
[SHOUTING]
Got some salad.
Oh, I can't eat it.
Why?
Gluten in the croutons.
Got some turkey for you.
Was that sustainably and ethically harvested?
Of course.
Doesn't matter.
I'm vegan.
You want some water?
No.
If it's tap, I tap.
[LAUGHS] You're serious?
Yeah.
I kind of want to hit you in the face.
Yeah, I can actually eat that.
You can eat mac and cheese?
Yeah, it's just cheese and mac.
Sorry, man.
I should have left you some.
Wow.
I'm hungry.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Ugh.
Is that bubbling?
What is that?
Are those hairs?
Ugh.
Oh, I'll just get a cookie.
I'm good.
Honestly.
I'm good.
I'm here.
I'm going to try it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
It's time for the annual recreation
of the first Thanksgiving.
Here's your outfits.
Gabe and Miles say they're out.
And shockingly, I kind of agree with them.
This is a family tradition.
It's a family tradition.
Thank you.
You guys look fantastic.
They look ridiculous.
Can we go eat now?
Remember the plan.
We're going to sail to the shore.
We're going to invite complete strangers to eat with us.
They're playing the part of the locals.
Hey, and what are these?
These aren't even historically accurate.
Get them out of here.
[YELLS]
That was completely uncalled for.
Now all of a sudden we're worried
about historical accuracies?
When was the last time you saw a banana in the Northeast?
Why would it be in the Northeast?
Because we're going to Plymouth Rock.
Do you know anything?
[YELLS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Get out of here.
What are you doing?
Get off the boat.
[YELLING]
How do you have all this stuff?
Say goodbye to the boat.
[YELLING]
[DRILLING]
[YELLING]
We've got an axe right here.
Oh, you want a new compartment?
I'm making it for you.
Oh, wow.
[SHOUTING]
Hey, why do you always do this?
You boys the locals?
Yeah, sure, we are.
Nice to meet you.
How's it going, brother?
Come on!
Got a big old 10-pointer in the Northeast--
A big old 10-pointer.
Look at him.
Look at the G3s on that thing.
Hey, can I see that bow and arrow?
Oh, sure, bro.
Oh, you don't happen to have a flaming arrow, do you?
Oh, yeah, I got you right here, brother.
Perfect.
What you shooting anyway?
Watch this.
[YELLING]
He's got a flaming arrow?
I've got to jump.
See you.
No, not my boat.
Hey, we're going to grab a bite to eat.
You guys want to join us?
Oh, she's up in flames!
Oh!
Golly!
Oh, no!
Let's bless it before we eat.
Good idea.
Dear Lord, we just thank you for trunk month.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[SNORING]
Honey.
Honey, wake up.
[GROANS]
It's time for the Turkey Trot.
The pudding's ready?
No, the Turkey Trot.
What's that?
The 5K we do every year.
Oh.
Oh, no.
Come on, babe.
Let's go.
It's good for your heart.
I already had two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios today.
Woo.
And that Thanksgiving feaster.
Oh.
Come on.
You can do it.
Oh, cramping.
Inner lungs.
Oh, that's the spleen.
Oh, I got to go.
Oh, I'm going to puke.
I've actually selected a two-day brined, 28-day dry age,
double reverse seared triple injected turkey.
Look at that smoky coloration.
Good flavor.
It's just a little chewy.
All right.
That's enough.
You know what?
I'm going to show you my turkey here.
It is a sliced turkey, precut, oven roasted,
and it is browned with caramel colors.
I like how Cousin Cody's is so juicy it's almost wet.
That's disgusting.
Let's just take it to a vote.
Wonderful presentation turkey that I prepared?
Anybody for fun cousin Cody's turkey?
Yes.
Yeah.
Easy.
[LAUGHS] My buddy Oscar Mayer made it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Christmas!
Put those on.
Oh.
Santa, elves, everybody.
We need this out of the way now.
Tree, over there.
Everyone, go, go, go, go.
Move, move!
Hot chocolate or cocoa?
It's the same thing, right?
Go cocoa.
Elves, keep going.
Santa Claus, get him up.
It's perfect.
I think it's a little big.
Elves, come on.
Come on.
It's not even halftime of the Cowboy game.
It's just looking great.
I love Christmas.
But it's Thanksgiving.
[MUSIC PLAYING]