Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink.
Today, we are going to learn about 8 ways to read someone’s body language.
Now, let’s begin.
1.
Manipulating Clothing Clothing sends a powerful message.
Not because of the clothes you wear.
But because of the way you use them.
Countless people express their body language by interacting with their clothing.
You might notice someone fiddling with their scarf.
Or messing with the buttons on their jacket.
Both of these cues are types of grooming.
Grooming is when you make small adjustments to your physical appearance.
Usually when you’re feeling nervous, restless, or embarrassed.
So if you catch someone fidgeting with their clothes, you’ll know exactly how they’re
feeling.
But grooming isn’t the only way people manipulate their clothing.
Many people use them as barriers.
They’ll put their hands in their pockets.
Or add on more items of clothing, like a jacket or a hat.
These body language cues mean that they’re putting up walls.
They’re using their clothing to shield their body.
And feel a sense of safety.
If you notice these walls going up, they’re feeling uncomfortable.
So give them a little more room to breathe.
2.
Supporting Their Body Take a look around any room.
Pay attention to people’s posture.
And the way they support their bodies.
You’ll often find people slumped against a wall or a piece of furniture.
But few people realize how much leaning tells you about someone’s emotional state.
When you let your body slouch, your muscles relax.
Your spine slumps forward.
Your blood even circulates a little bit slower.
In other words, you’re letting yourself relax for a reason.
And that reason is usually one of two things.
Either you’re really bored.
Or you’re really interested.
How can you tell the difference?
It’s all about direction.
If they’re leaning forward on their elbow, supporting their head as you talk, it’s
safe to say you’ve got their attention.
But if they’re falling back into the wall, arms crossed over their chest, they’re probably
just bored.
3.
Proximity Matters Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable you
feel when someone gets too close?
Even if they’re not actually touching you, it’s all you can think about.
Because space is much more powerful than you realize.
Edward T. Hall, a cultural anthropologist, was the fist to recognize how important personal
space can be.
In his book, the Hidden Dimension, Hall explains that space carries many social and cultural
meanings.
It demonstrates closeness.
Trust.
And different levels of physical intimacy.
Space even helps us organize our relationships.
Depending on how close someone is standing, they fall into different categories.
They might be a partner, a friend, or a complete stranger.
Either way, those categories help you make sense of your relationships.
Set boundaries.
And be vulnerable with the right people.
That’s why space, or proximity as Edward Hall calls it, is such a powerful form of
body language.
It gets left off most people’s lists, because there aren’t any gestures or expressions
involved.
But, if you think about, proximity actually involves the entire body.
You have to station yourself somewhere in space.
So you drift toward areas of comfort like a familiar face.
By paying attention to proximity, you can uncover all kinds of emotions without saying
a word.
So how does proximity actually work?
Well, Edward Hall breaks it down like this.
He separates space into four zones.
Public space, social space, personal space, and intimate space.
Imagine you’re standing in a busy room, like an airport or a department store.
Draw a circle around yourself, leaving you at the very center.
For now, let’s give that circle a 25-foot radius.
That’s a pretty big circle, right?
Well, this is your public zone.
It's a free space where anyone can travel... without making you feel threatened or uncomfortable.
In general, when you don’t know someone, you keep around 12 to 25 feet of distance
between you.
Below 12 feet is social zone, a place for familiar faces.
This is where you’ll find acquaintances, classmates, and coworkers.
People you know to some degree without being actual friends.
The next step down, at four feet, is your personal space.
This is where most people draw the line.
Social and public spaces tend to get a bit mixed up.
At the grocery store, for example, strangers will enter your social circle all the time.
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
But if they invade your personal space, things start to feel weird.
Your personal space is reserved for your real friends.
People you already know and trust.
But there’s still one more.
Intimate space.
The only people allowed in this one-foot circle are partners, family, and close friends.
Because in a one foot circle, you’re usually making physical contact.
You’ve closed the space completely.
Which carries a whole lot of subconscious weight.
So, if you want to read someone’s body language, pay attention to the space they keep.
Where do they stand?
How do they introduce themselves?
When you talk, do they keep their distance?
Or do they get in close and make physical contact?
All these signals tell you what someone is feeling.
What kind of person they are.
And what they think about you.
4.
Gesture Clusters When reading body language, you might search
for one signal at a time.
You watch their feet.
Then their mouth.
Then their eyes.
And most of the time, you don’t discover much.
That’s because body language comes in clusters.
People send out rapid-fire cues over a short period of time.
And then stop for a while.
They’ll get distant.
They’ll hold the same pose or keep their hands in their pockets.
Until suddenly they’re sending out another jam-packed cluster of cues.
If you want to get an accurate read on someone, look out for these clusters.
Because each one gives you an important window into their mood and their personality.
5.
Open Palms Everyone knows how expressive your hands can
be.
When it comes to nonverbal cues, your hands are far and away the loudest part of your
body.
They can show any kind of emotion, positive or negative, exaggerated or subtle.
You throw them in the air after a big win.
Or wave them around when you’re excited.
But your palms have a special meaning.
Humans, and many other animals, use this part of their hand as sign of non-threatening behavior.
In other words, if someone wanted to fight, you might back up, open your arms, and show
your palms.
That kind of body language instantly tells the other person that you don’t want to
play ball.
Since open palms display vulnerability, we use them to judge people’s character.
Or find out whether someone is telling the truth.
If someone widens their body and opens their hands, it shows you that they’ve got nothing
to hide.
Because they’re willing to be open, you’re much more likely to take their word.
So, if someone opens their palms while they talk, they’re usually being honest.
Or at least they want you to think they are.
6.
The Closed Point Every parent has told their kids, “It’s
not nice to point.”
But what’s wrong with pointing?
It’s actually a primitive form of body language.
And humans aren’t the only ones who do it.
If you go to the zoo, you’ll see apes pointing at people, food, and other animals all the
time.
But what does pointing actually mean?
By closing your fist and extending your index finger, you’re establishing dominance.
You’re singling someone out.
In social settings, that point removes them from the group.
And it makes them feel left out.
Your finger is commanding other people to look.
It’s throwing someone under the spotlight, whether they like it or not.
Now, next time you catch someone pointing, you’ll exactly what they’re trying to
do.
7.
Extended Eye Contact Eye contact is one of the first cues we look
for in a person.
If someone doesn’t meet your eyes, there’s a good chance something’s wrong.
They might be feeling embarrassed, anxious, or insecure.
They might feel intimidated by you, so they’re having trouble making eye contact.
But not all eye contact is good, especially when it goes on too long.
When you first meet someone, you want to make about five seconds of eye contact.
Get a good look at them.
Smile, introduce yourself, and then glance at something else.
You should keep this process going throughout the conversation.
Because too much eye contact… is going to make people uncomfortable.
That’s because extended eye contact usually means someone is lying.
Or trying to get inside your head.
So don’t let that physical connection fool you.
The right amount of eye contact is a sign of trust and confidence.
But too much means that person may have a hidden agenda.
8.
Touching Their Face When you’re feeling stressed or anxious,
your face is a dead giveaway.
It turns red.
It gets itchy.
And, sometimes, it even starts to hurt.
Obviously, that’s not something you want.
So you try to make the pain go away by soothing your nerves.
For most people, that means touching their face.
A lot.
They’ll reach up to itch their nose.
Brush their forehead.
Or just rub their cheek.
Every one of these gestures means one thing… they’re feeling nervous.
And they definitely don’t want you to know.
If you spot these body language cues, the best thing you can do is pretend not to notice.
Chances are, that person is already feeling embarrassed or self-conscious.
So try to lighten the mood.
Make them feel more comfortable.
If they suddenly stop touching their face, it means you did your job.
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