>> Stephen: FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HOSTED "THE SOUP,"
AND STARRED IN "COMMUNITY."
HIS NEW SHOW, "THE GREAT INDOORS," PREMIERES ON CBS ON
THURSDAY.
PLEASE WELCOME JOEL McHALE.
>> YES.
OH, I ALREADY SAT DOWN.
>> Stephen: SIT DOWN.
YOU'RE THE GUEST.
SIT DOWN FIRST.
I'M VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ON.
I'M A FAN.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I REALLY LOVED YOUR WORK ON "COMMUNITY."
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AND I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST PERSON TO SAY THIS TO YOU.
>> PROBABLY.
>> Stephen: BUT I DO HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU?
>> REALLY?
>> Stephen: YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE A GIFTED COMEDIAN-- IT'S
THE TRUE-- AND IT WAS ALARMING BECAUSE SOMETIMES I WOULD SEE
YOU ON "COMMUNITY" LIKE IN AN OPEN SHIRT--
>> RIGHT, AND YOU GOT TURNED ON.
IT'S COOL.
>> Stephen: NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE ALARMINGLY FIT FOR SOMEONE WHO
HAS SPENT THEIR LIFE IN COMEDY.
IT DOESN'T USUALLY GO TOGETHER.
>> LOOK -- >> THERE'S A REASON WHY I NEVER
EVEN TAKE THE TIE OFF.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> YOU ARE IN GREAT SHAPE FOR SOMEONE IN THEIR 70s.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THAT'S VERY KIND.
>> YOU'RE WELL PRESERVED.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY.
>> NO, I WOULD-- YES, THANK YOU.
BUT -- >> IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT.
I'M ANGRY.
>> I SEE.
>> Stephen: I'M ANGRY.
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
DID YOU START OFF FIT?
WERE YOU AN ATHLETE?
>> OH, THANK YOU.
YES, I WAS.
NO, I AM-- YES, I AM IN SHAPE FOR A COMEDIAN, BUT THAT'S LIKE
SAYING, "HAVE YOU TRIED THAT AIRPORT CHILI?
IT'S PRETTY GOOD FOR THE AIRPORT."
( LAUGHTER ) SO, YES, I PLAY-- I DID PLAY A
LOT OF SPORTS.
>> Stephen: WHAT SPORTS DID YOU PLAY?
>> WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT, DO WE?
( LAUGHTER ) NO, I PLAYED A LOT OF SPORTS
BADLY.
I PLAYED SOME BAD COLLEGE FOOTBALL.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
>> AND I RODE IN COLLEGE AS WELL.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU WERE-- YOU WERE A CREW MEMBER.
>> BUT AS YOU KNOW, NO ONE WATCHES CREW, OTHER THAN THE
PEOPLE DOING IT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND AS AN ACTOR, I WANTED
RESPONSE FROM A CROWD.
AND I GOT INTO A FIST FIGHT WITH THE VARSITY ROWING CREW.
>> Stephen: THE WHOLE-- THE WHOLE CREW?
>> WELL, IT WAS 11 VERSUS TWO, AND IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT THERE
WAS A LOT OF HAZING GOING ON, IF YOU'RE IN A SPORT --
>> IN CREW?
>> IN CREW.
IF YOU'RE IN A SPORT NOBODY KNOWS THEN YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP
RITUALS TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL IMPORTANT.
( LAUGHTER ) I AM REALLY ALIENATING AN ENTIRE
TRADITION ON THE EAST COAST OF CREW.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU FIRST STROKE?
>> NO A STARBOARD MIDPULL MAN.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE MAKING STUFF UP.
>> I WAS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON AND THEY MAKE YOU
SHAVE ALL YOUR HAIR OFF AND EYEBROWS OFF AND PUT ALL THAT
HAIR INTO A PILLOW AND THAT GOES INTO A DISPLAY CASE OF HAIR
PILLOWS.
YES.
HANNIBAL LECTER GOT HIS START PE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.
AND I DIDN'T PUSH IN A CHAIR PROPERLY, AND THIS GUY AND I GOT
CORNERED BY THE CREW TEAM.
I WAS A FRESHMAN AT THE TIME.
AND, YEAH, IT WASN'T FUN TIME TO BE SLAPPED AROUND BY --
>> SO YOU WENT OVER TO FOOTBALL WHERE IT WAS LESS VIOLENT?
>> WELL, YES.
WELL, YOU GOT TO WEAR A HELMET.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WAS A-- I WAS A TERRIBLE
FOOTBALL PLAYER.
I WAS ON THE PRACTICE SQUAD.
I LOVED DOING IT.
BUT THE DEFENSE WOULD COME AT YOU, AND ON THE PRACTICE SQUAD,
I WOULD JUST CRY, AND POOP AND BE LIKE, "PLEASE, DON'T HIT ME."
THEY FELT GREAT.
THEY WENT INTO GAMES FEELING GREAT.
THEY GOT BEAT AFTER THAT, BECAUSE I WAS TERRIBLE.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE BASICALLY A LIGTACKLING DUMMY.
>> YES.
AND I EVEN PUT, LIKE, A BIG ORANGE SOCK OVER ME TO LOOK LIKE
ONE.
I COULDN'T MOVE MY ARMS AT ALL.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GO FROM THAT TO COMEDY?
DID YOU START IN COLLEGE?
>> OF COURSE, WHEN YOU GET OUT OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL IT'S EITHER
BROADCASTING OR EMBITTERED ALCOHOLISM.
I KNEW I WAS-- IT WAS NOT-- I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN COLLEGE I
WAS SO BAD AT IT.
AS YOU KNOW, YOUR MUSE SITS DOWN NEXT TO YOU AND TAPS OW THE THE
NOSE AND SAYS, "IT'S TIME FOR COMEDY."
NO, I WAS SUPER HIGH.
NO.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS THE ONLY THING I WAS GOOD AT, OTHER THAN TAKING A BALL AND
THROWING IT THROUGH A RING, AS A SPORT.
YEAH, SO -- >> YOU WERE A CARNEY?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: KIND OF?
>> I HAVE A MULLET AND A BEARD, A LIGHT BEER WITH ME ALL THE
TIME.
I ACTUALLY SAW YOU PERFORM IN CHICAGO.
>> Stephen: WHAT!
>> IF STEVE CARELL.
>> Stephen: AT SECOND CITY.
>> AT SECOND CITY BACK IN 1972.
WHEN YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
IT WAS THE TWO OF US, BELLUCCI.
YUP.
>> BELLUCCI, AND BING CROSBY.
HE WAS AMAZING.
HE DID THE MUSIC.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: TALK ABOUT A BITTER ALCOHOLIC.
>> OH, MAN.
NO, BUT UPPER -- >> PEOPLE STILL LOVE BING SO
MUCH, SO-- YOU SHOULD READ HIS BIO.
>> YEAH.
HUGE JERK.
WE HAVE REALLY ACCOMPLISHED A LOT HERE TONIGHT.
SCREW YOU, BING CROSS BRIE!
NO ♪ BA-RUM-A-BUM-BUM ♪
>> I LOVED IMPROV AND WE WENT AND SAW YOU AND CARELL, AND YOU
GUYS, OFF NIGHT, BUT WHATEVER!
NO, I'M KIDDING.
>> Stephen: IT HAPPENED.
>> IT WAS BRILLIANT!
IT WAS BRILLIANT.
>> Stephen: THE THING ABOUT IMPROVISATION, LIKE 25% OF IT IS
GOOD.
AND THE REST, 75% OF IT IS LIKE, "I BET IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD ANY
MINUTE."
NO, HONEST TO GOD, THAT'S TRUE.
25% IS GOOD.
>> YOU GUYS WERE UP TO 35% AT LEAST.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY, YEAH.
>> I'M SORRY.
I'M A DICK.
AS YOU CAN TELL.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU KNOW WHO IS A DICK?
BING CROSBY.
>> BING CROSBY.
>> Stephen: BELOVED-- BELOVED BING CROSBY.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON BOB HOPE.
GOOD GUY, REALLY GOOD GUY.
>> YEAH, HE WAS.
>> Stephen: SOLID GUY.
>> STILL ALIVE.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
PLEASE COME OUT HERE.
BOB?
( LAUGHTER ) NO, IS BOB HOPE OR BING CROSBY
IN YOUR NEW SHOW ON CBS?
>> WHAT A TRANSITION, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHY THEY GAVE ME THE GIG.
>> HOW MANY CBS ACTORS HAVE BEEN THROUGH HERE IN THE LAST THREE
WEEKS.
>> Stephen: 400 CBS ACT ORGANIZE THE ENTIRE-- EXACTLY.
>> YES, IT'S CALLED-- YOU CALLED IT THE "GREAT OUTDOORS" WHICH IS
-- >> IT'S NOT IT'S CALLED "KEVIN
CAN WAIT."
>> Stephen: OH, "THE GREAT INDOORS"?
>> BUT WE CAN FIX THIS IN POST AND NO ONE WILL KNOW.
>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK WE CAN.
I THINK THEY'LL YANG THE SHOW AFTER WE SAID THAT ABOUT BING.
"THE GREAT INDOORS."
>> THE ( BLEEP ) BING CROSBY.
>> Stephen: THE "THE GREAT INDOORS."
>> BECAUSE IT TAKES THE PHRASE "THE GREAT OUTDOORS."
NO.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED "OUTSIDE
MAGAZINE."
IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF "OUTSIDE MAGAZINE."
>> THEY ALREADY LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S A HIT.
IT'S THE NUMBER ONE COMEDY THAT HASN'T BEEN ON TV YET.
>> HASN'T BEEN ON TV.
>> Stephen: EVERYONE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT IT.
>> VERY EXCITED ABOUT THE SHOW THAT HASN'T AIRED.
IT'S TOMORROW NIGHT AFTER THIS LOW-RATED HIT "BIG BANG THEORY."
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE POSITIONING.
>> BING CROSBY, YEAR LIKE, TAKE THAT GUY OUT.
BUT, YEAH, IT'S GREAT POSITIONING.
I'M VERY-- BELIEVE ME, I'VE NEVER HAD A NICER TIME SLOT IN
MY LIFE AFTER THE VIETNAM TIME SLOT I HAD CANW "COMMUNITY,"
WHICH WAS LITERALLY UP AGAINST THE "BIG BANG THEOR."
AND I SAID, "LET'S JOIN THEM."
NOW WE'RE ON AFTER "THE BIG BANG THEORY."
I'M GOING TO JOHNNY GILECKEY'S HOUSE AND GIVE HIM A SPONGE
BATH.
>> Stephen: AGREEMENT IDEA FOR ANOTHER SHOW.
>> BUT IN THE "THE GREAT INDOORS" --
>> YOU PLAY SOMEONE WHO WORKS AT A MAGAZINE.
>> YES, WORKS AT A MAGAZINE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS NO LONGER A MAGAZINE.
>> IT HAS BECOME A WEB SITE.
NOW I HAVE TO WORK INDOORS.
I COME IN FROM THE WILDERNESS.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OUTDOORSMAN.
>> AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUNG PEOPLE, AND OLDER PERSON,
STEPHEN FREY.
THE GREAT BRITISH COMEDIAN.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
>> Stephen: GREAT GUY.
>> A REALLY GOOD GUY.
THE OPPOSITE OF BING CROSBY.
>> Stephen: AND WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
>> WE HAVE A CLIP.
THIS IS FROM MAN WITH A PLAN.
>> AND GOOD NEWS.
WE JUST HAD OUR MOST RETWEETED ONLINE POLL, BEST OUTDOOR GEAR
FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
>> YEAH!
CAN YOU GUESS THE NUMBER ONE KILLING TOOL?
>> REMEMBERING ZOMBIES DON'T EXIST.
>> NO, 10 SPIKES BUT WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ENOUGH TIME.
>> YEAH, TENT SPIKES.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT, AND SO DIVERSE.
>> AH.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> SO GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR CURATING AND POOPING AND GENITAL
PHOTOS.
I'M GOING TO SEE THE GUY WHO RUNS THE REAL MAGAZINE.
I'LL THINK OF YOU ON MY FLIGHT TO PAD GOANIA.
>> Stephen: SEE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL RIGHT, SIT DOWN!
NOW-- >> OH!
>> Stephen: YOU ALSO HAVE A BOOK COMING UP ON THE.
"JOEL McHALE, THANKS FOR THE MONEY."
YOU ADVISE PEOPLE HOW TO BE JOEL McHALE.
>> IT'S MY LIFE STORY.
YOU CAN USE IT TO BECOME THE BEST JOEL McHALE YOU CAN BE.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING-- THANK GOD.
SO YEAH.
I ALWAYS FIND CELEBRITY AUTOBIOGRAPHIES TO BE NOT THAT
INTERESTING.
SO-- AND MY LIFE DEFINITELY IS NOT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS USEFUL.
>> THIS IS USEFUL BECAUSE YOU TAKE MY LIFE, BUT THEN IT WILL
HELP YOU, AS OPPOSED TO JUST, LIKE, SOME STORY.
IT WILL LITERALLY TEACH YOU HOW TO BECOME A CELEBRITY, AND TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
I NEED SOME HELP.
>> OH, GOOD.
>> Stephen: JOEL, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: JOEL McHALE, EVERYBODY!
"THE GREAT INDOORS" PREMIERES THIS THURSDAY ON CBS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ABBI JACOBSON.
WE LOVE YOU, BING.