(cheerful instrumental music)
(printer lid clacks)
- Oh, no. The toners out.
Again. Guess we have to call a toner guy. (chuckles)
- Oh, don't worry about it. We have some more right here.
Right here. - Oh. (laughs)
(toner thuds)
- Oops. I'm such a klutz.
- It's fine. We have more.
Excuse me.
Oh, here you go. - Is it?
(Jackie laughs)
(toner thuds) (feet stomps)
- Oh, my bad. (laughs)
Ah. (hands tap)
- Okay, Jackie, what the frick is going on?
- (sighs) The toner guy and me are in love.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Jackie. - Ho ho. Nice.
- Or at least we will be once I charm him.
- Okay. Okay.
Is there any way that we can help you with that?
- Well, I have this like, dumb me, cute idea.
It's really stupid and personal, but,
I would need some help pulling it off.
- This is a safe space.
- You have my full of support.
- I'm all in.
- Okay.
(hands slamming on table) (thrilling music)
- Our mission today,
operation captured the toner guy's heart. (wick laughs)
Step one, I meet the toner guy at the front door.
Looking hottest as (beep) as much as I had.
The booties out.
Then I pretend to lead him to the printer
which I've already hidden
and replaced with a candle lit dinner.
Step two, we will need to immediately throw him off guard.
He can never know what's coming next,
which is why Keith will throw crickets at him.
Oh (crickets croaking)
- Cricket?
- To create the perfect balance
of an indoor outdoor experience.
- (sighs) Amateurs.
- Step three, Shane will enter,
dress as the late and deeply missed, Steve Irwin,
who will be wrestling a crocodile.
- Oh, seek it.
(whacking)
I got his teeth.
It's gory bitch. (body slams)
(man groans)
(Shane grunts) (whacking and banging)
(Jackie gasps)
- Why am I Steve Irwin?
- Irwin said the hope that love will never die.
- Right. Okay. Sure.
- Yeah.
And then bam, Ian rolls in with knives,
ready the fucking go. (Ian screeching)
- [Jackie] He leaps into the air
and he stabs the toner guy. (man groans)
- Whoa. - Ugh.
Have you ever considered just asking him out?
- And why does Ian have knives?
- Uh, to send a message. Duh. (knife clicks)
- I thought y'all were my friends.
- Ah, they're just scared.
- No, it's fine, you know.
I guess I'll just die alone
since that's what y'all want apparently.
- Oh, come on guys.
You just gonna let her freaking die alone.
That's so freaking freaked up.
(foreboding music)
- Fine.
- Hey
- Let's do this.
(upbeat music)
- [Ian] So stoked. Did you hear that? (laughs)
- I have my court together now.
(men laughing)
- Oh, he's coming.
- Oh oh oh oh. (shushes) (beep)
(feet tapping)
(man exhales)
- (whispers) Show time.
(door clicks) (dramatic music)
- Hey, I'm here to replace your toner?
(men screaming)
(crickets croaks) (crocodile slams)
(knife thuds) (Rock screams)
(men laughing)
- [Jackie] No. Stop. What have you done?
You idiot. (Rock whimpering)
This is the wrong toner guy.
- Ooh. - Ooh.
- Oh my God. - [Ian] All right I got.
(men speaking over each other in panic)
- You guys completely miss your cues.
You completely lost it. You ruined it.
- I feel like I'm gonna die.
- Oh no. Oh my God. Oh God.
I'm gonna die alone. I'm never true loves kiss.
- Wait. True loves kiss?
(tapping chest)
I, I need true loves kiss.
(everybody gasps)
- Somebody called my wife.
(men groaning in disappointment)
- Who, who's divorcing me?
- Oh. - Oh.
- Oh, you know what? My girlfriend.
(men groaning in disappointment)
- But she's expecting.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Me to leave her.
- Oh. - Oh.
(Rock stuttering)
(body thuds)
- Oh. Oh.
- Damn.
- Oh God. - Burp.
- This is sad.
- He had quite a complicated life.
- Wait, how did he even die?
- Oh.
Cricket allergy.
- Ah. - Ugh.
- Alligators though.
- Hi. We're the cast of Smosh.
- Uh, Rock, we've been through this. You're an editor
- Then why am I in this sketch chain top?
- (beep) off, Rock. - (beep) off, Rock.
- What about the PSA?
- Just leave. - Go.
- [Ian] Just go, Rock. - Yeah.
- [Ian] Get outta here.
Go ahead. (body slams)
- It's a pole. - It's a pole.
- Thank you for that. (beep)
- I'm gonna be alone forever.
- Yeah. Sound like it. - More than likely.
- Yeah. - [Ian] Yeah.
- [Shane] No, for sure.
- [Ian] Yeah. - [Keith] Uh huh.
- I mean, that was the sketch,
but that's also real life. - It's real life.
- Thank you, Shane.
- People watch the other channels they can tell.
- Yeah. - Well, your dress looks nice.
- Thank you. - [Shane] Yeah.
- You guys, you guys don't have to lie.
- You gonna be alone.
Negative. (men laughing)