*sexy holo intro music*
Hey guys, it's me Cristine. Who else would it be?
And today I'm going to set the world record for the greatest number of nail art tutorials in 8 minutes.
Many have to do this before me, but no one has succeed.
Just kidding. No one has tried. That's stupid.
But in the spirit of the new year, lets take a look back at all the hours of my life I spent painting my nails.
I hand picked some of my favorites just for you.
Let's begin.
Aw yes my very first YouTube video tutorial.
And the very first scaled gradient in the world ever!
I'm pretty sure I filmed this like three times because I kept messing it up for the camera
Oh look it's the same thing basically... but it's brown.
Good job Cristine, you know how to use different colors.
Wow, my editing was really bad last year. Wasn't it?
There's like a thousand frames per second in this video.
It's so confusing I don't even know what's happening.
Now here's my first time trying to conquer the triple scaled gradient.
Why are you doing that...?
You should put the top coat on the whole nail first. Ugh...this is so messy.
And this is the top nail art skill of two thousand and any year.
Because everyone needs to know this.
The best way to apply glitter to your nail is to sponge it on.
Now if only I had simply peel back then.
Notice how I keep changing the size and font of my subtitles.
Yeah...that's really annoying.
I realize how much of that clean up part that I cut out of my videos.
Because it was really embarrassing that I had to spend like an hour cleaning up my finger.
And if I told people that then they wouldn't want to try the nail art. Would they?
What's this? I'm not using a sponge to apply nail polish. Wow, this is the first.
Wow, that's pretty good Cristine. What are those free hand skills you've been hiding from me?
I mean myself...
Where is the pattern? I cannot see it.
Look how not yellow my nails are. Wow I was such a baby fetus back then with no experience,
Umm... that was the most boring glitter gradient ever.
Basically take as many pieces of striping tape as you can put them on your nail and try and make a pattern.
More gradients and tape. Yay...
I have an idea. Lets play a game, every time you see me do a gradient in this video, take a shot.
And if I clean it up the hard way with tape and acetone then take two shots, because you must feel really bad for me.
Oh look, tape and gradients. Drink up kids.
Okay what the hell was I thinking you can't even see the design.
That time I tried to start a nail trend that didn't turn into a trend.
I called this sea foam sponging because it's a sea foam.
Or something like that. I don't know. From the ocean maybe?
And back to doing the only think people want to see from me. Also take another shot.
Can we just pay attention for a second at how I had no idea at how to actually apply nail polish.
But just cover it with rainbow and tape and acetone. Have a drink and everything is good.
I wonder if anyone ever read my subtitles.
If they did they're probably like, "Returning reciprocal chevron gradient? Are you on crack? I'm never watching your videos. Bye."
Or what about this one?
Starburst scaled gradient holo skittle?
Like what? I don't see any skittles.
Oh look clouds. How boring...
And who is painting that dandelion on my nail? I must of hired a tiny leprecheon.
Take a drink. You are getting really drunk right now.
Oh look some proof that I can paint my opposite hand.
I never showed it much because yeah I have eczema on that hand as you can see.
But honestly nowadays I don't paint my opposite hand because who's got time for that? Not me. I just do nail art on one hand.
Like a normal person.
Look at those shitty rhinestones I picked up with a dotting tool.
Cristine you know so much better with your Crystal Katana.
Okay if you're not already drunk, this single tutorial will get you wasted.
Because look how many gradients I had to do.
It was my very first quadruple scaled gradient.
And I am so proud of you baby Cristine. I'm so proud.
Look one of the very first sighting of simply nail porn
Just the beginning
Now this is what happens when you're a holo-polish addict.
And you no longer have the ability to see if a design makes sense.
What is this?
How to clean your cuticles? Oh this should be good.
*laughing*
More gradient mind f***s.
Also drink again because that clean up was a mystery.
I liked this nails.
But then someone commented, "What happens when you touch your period."
And I never liked them again.
This was a big hit back when I did it.
But then I redid it recently with a voice over.
Because it made no sense to anyone.
Some people thought this looked 3D or like whipped cream.
Or like toothpaste.
Hehe...it's glue!
Cristine you're dumb.
And then I broke my nail!
Moment of silence...Please.
I wrote a blog post on how I grew my nails back.
I put the link below in the video description box.
But one of these days I should probably make a video on that. Shouldn't I?
But short nails weren't gonna stop me from doing nail art.
Because you can do nail art on any nail length.
Sometimes people ask me, "Can you do nail art for short nails?"
And I just think, "You can do any nail art that I do on short nails, but just don't do them on long nails, do them on short nails."
That's all. It's really not that complicated.
I don't understand.
See look I'm even doing a scaled gradient on a very short nail.
There you go. See, everything is possible when you believe in magic or holo.
Here's some holo dots.
Look how many dots I can fit on my short nail.
Wow, it's amazing!
Here's some holo-glitter plaid short nails.
For the preppy b**** in all of us.
Ooo, multi-chrome porn.
My first time trying the Twinkle T cyclone nail vinyls.
They are so much fun to peel.
I love them!
Stare at my nails and blink 27 times.
What do you see now?
Hey bro, why'd you give me a pepperoni pizza?
I ordered Hawaiian.
Wow, I never realized how emo this design was.
Finally! I have discovered simply peel!
And history is made forever!
Oh yeah, these nails.
So this company sent me this barftastic creamy glitter.
Ewww...
And all I could come up with was this ice cream look that I would never eat.
Blobbacure!
These are so much fun.
If you have a lot of patience because truth be told I probably did this 8 times.
And then of course totally mislead you with that subtitle.
Ooo...look at that flakie bubble pop.
I remember kids on Instagram used to be like, "Why do you show the nail polish, that is so stupid."
I'm like, "Clearly you are too young to appreciate nail porn right now."
That time I did nail art I thought was rainbow and black chevron but everyone said, "Oh my god look it's Liam's tattoo."
That time I did some not so subtle product placement.
Simply peel is finally in full force.
And so are Twinkle T nail vinyls.
This is when I finally stared to discover my inner self.
And the I lost my sense of self concept when I attempted watermarbling for the first time.
Don't worry I dusted my shoulders with holo-glitter.
And continued on the path of greatness
Oh Canada!
It's time we change our flag!
To gradients and holo!
Perfect for a Holosexual land!
Oh, and there's that time I did gay pride nails.
In celebration of America passing their new marriage laws.
And then I got attacked by a bunch of angry homophobic Americans.
So naturally I did more rainbow pride nails. Duh...
I really like making y'all unconformable.
Gives me a sick form of pleasure.
Hey! That's my face.
That's the effect I was going for.
Did you know that I am a mermaid!
And I did these acrylic water color nails to prove it.
Not all my nails were perfect in 2015.
Okay, I did lots of nail fails along the way.
That time my nails were a huge slut and horded up with some flakies and fishnet.
And then you followed me on some adventures in attempt that nail polish shelf
Is that no one cares what you look like.
We can't all be fabulous.
Oo...shade!
Hey guys look!
These nails are on fire!
That time I tried to do Russian nail art but not even Dr. Oz could help me.
Oh look, it's my face again.
This time talking about the history of unicorn pee that basically no one watched.
Please go watch this video.
It's sad.
That time I joined the Swarovski biker gang.
And here's that time I did the messiest nail art ever.
And I probably also have the record for top number of sexual innuendos in a nail art tutorial.
That time I gave into peer presure
and just had to try those f***ing ugly bubble nails for myself.
And then it was time for the roast of the bubble nails.
You should probably go to the doctor.
Your nails look like my grandma knuckles.
Blood!!!!
So much blood!!!!
Holo-glitter blood everywhere!!!
And then I peeled it off.
*Cristine trying to sound like her peel porn music*
That time a bunch of people who don't have a sense of humor told me I was disgusting for putting my cats hair on my nails.
My cat enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. What's the problem?
And then I discovered unicorn skin and history was made forever!
Remember when I ruined my nails 32 times to do this scientific for you guys.
Yeah, my nails still hate you for that.
Since everyone loved how not to watermarble.
I then made a video on how not to stamp.
Which wasn't that hard to do because I totally sucked at it.
Holo...
*Hello By Adele Music in Background* '
It's me...
I was wondering...
No words.
There are no words.
That time I did Star Wars nail art without ever seeing a Star Wars movie
And a bunch of people got offended when I called Chewbacca a hairy monkey.
And of course you couldn't finish off the year without doing yet another up the finger nail art design.
That no one is ever going to replicate ever.
This one was inspired by Glam And Gore.
And I am so proud to say that this year I actually started watching makeup channels on YouTube.
What can I say? I'm expanding my horizons.
Well that's it for this year.
And if you're still here I'm especially proud of you for watching till the end
Cause it's not like you actually expected to learn 77 different nail art techniques in 8 minutes. Did you?
Anyways, thank you all so much for watching my videos in 2015.
And here's to hoping for a great 2016.
Where I'm going bring you like billions more videos.
Kay, well not billions but whatever. Exaggerating.
So alright now make sure to my channel and see y'all next year.
Bai!!!!
*Sexy holo outro music*