What is going on everyone? Welcome back to the world according to Briggs, I am
Briggs, I live in the Portland Oregon metro area and I want to tell you about
this place three years ago I did a video about the top ten reasons not to move to
Portland Oregon honestly that video helped launch this
channel in those three years things in Portland have changed not the
stereotypical things like the rain cloudy skies beer and strip clubs those
will be here forever and they won't be in this video you already know about
them probably today we're gonna be looking at the reasons that might make
you not want to move to Portland Oregon when you're giving reasons that someone
might not want to move to a place it's gonna vary from person to person well
one person finds as a positive others find it a negative example maybe you
like the rain like I do other people hate it you might agree with a few of
the reasons on this list you might agree with all of them you're gonna find out
right now number 10 gender neutral this crap is big here you can't refer to a
female as a female or man as a man in the workplace gender is not a thing
anymore I guess if you dare say something like excuse me miss in the
workplace you'll be in a meeting with HR I tried to get a female workers
attention at Petsmart and said excuse me miss and she twirls around and says I
don't identify as a woman so I just said well I identify you as a woman you look
like a chick her face contorted in shock and her eyebrows went up around her
hairline like I just dropped a deuce in aisle four and I was very unapologetic I
refused to ignore evolution so you can control how I communicate number nine
the traffic is bad I used to tell people that the traffic isn't that bad in
Portland because I grew up in Los Angeles and it's horrendous in Los
Angeles I don't tell people that anymore in the ten years that I've lived in
Portland's metro area it has gotten so bad god help you if you need to go
across the bridge to Vancouver Washington between the hours of like no
no 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. it's bumper-to-bumper the whole way if you do
have to do this make sure you at least have a half a tank of gas and something
to eat and maybe some water you're going to be there while Portland has a lot of
bridges if you've ever lived in a city with a fair amount of bridges you know
they present more than a few issues to your commute now downtown Portland is
its own different animal it takes a while to get used to some streets are
one way I still I'm not sure which ones other streets have a train while some
have a big bus lane that's painted green that you
can or can't go in I keep hearing you can't but I never go downtown and not
see someone in a Prius or Tesla cruising the green bustling number eight public
transportation Portland's train the max and the bus
system work a little too well in a lot of ways this has created crowds during
rush hours so bad that you might have to wait for a train or two just to get on
then you have the dicks that bring their bikes on the trains these dudes will
come on the train when it's standing room only and put their bike on these
hooks that they have there for the bikes the bike takes up the space that three
people could and then they get all pissy if you bump into their huffy dill pickle
bike while the train puts on the brakes bunch of idiots on top of all that the
buses seem to stop a little too early in some areas leaving drunk people in their
20s having to make tough decisions do I add to my carbon footprint because
there's no emission-free ubers available or do I walk the six
blocks home you know tough decisions number seven the art tax this one isn't
as big a deal as it is stupid and sort of shows the mental state of the average
Portland resident there's an art tax it's only $35 a year but they have to
pay it the Portland Art Tax is formally known as the arts education and access
income tax is a $35 tax paid by the residents of Portland Oregon to support
school teachers and arc focused nonprofit organizations residents age 18
and older with the thousand dollars or more of taxable income are required to
pay the tax what happened our schools we used to have art class I loved art class
I think arts important it didn't need a special tax back then we already had
taxes that helped pay for school programs why is art all of a sudden not
worth using normal taxes on nobody uses algebra after college and I don't see
that one being eliminated anytime soon without a special tax how much does it
cost to have an art class in Portland non-toxic gluten-free crayons can't be
that expensive number six the aggressive homeless Portland has always had
homeless like all major cities Portland probably has more than most per capita
but all cities have them whether they're on the streets are living in a van down
by the river every state every city has homeless people and yes they sometimes
use the sidewalks as a restroom in all of those cities stop typing
Portland's homeless used to just be strange most of them had their problems
that would be on full display all over Portland and they were just keeping it
weird but kepta themselves other than asking for
some cash every now and again something changed a couple years ago they started
getting aggressive when asking for that cash or sometimes they just got
aggressive they wanted to be weird in your personal space which is always a
good time there's an area north of Burnside by the Amtrak station in
Portland most of us avoid it at night health it's not a good idea at noon
number five snow Portland is known for gray skies and rain that's just part of
life in the Pacific Northwest people are used to it and they can deal with it we
all have a good rain jacket and we do things in the rain that other cities
wait till summer to do like parades we expect it to rain on our parade but holy
hell this town falls apart if we get a couple snowflakes if it snows for a
couple days in Rhode you think we had a disaster of biblical proportion schools
shut down people hide in their homes strippers wear scarfs it's a nightmare
we haven't had a good snowstorm in a couple of years but the last one we had
was rough the snow wasn't terrible but the reaction was number four gangs if
you're thinking about making the move to Portland but can't afford to live
downtown because rent is terrible in all of downtown not just the good parts a
lot of newcomers find themselves looking at places on the Eastside which gets
worse every block you get away from downtown if you really can't afford rent
or a mortgage in Portland you end up in Gresham which is a neighboring city this
area has been growing tweakers for decades actually I believe Gresham
supplies most of the tweakers to the Pacific Northwest there seems to be a
lot of white gangs here who saw that one coming wait never mind it's Oregon
everyone saw that coming but it's not just Gresham and East Portland probably
the worst part is Northeast Portland they have seen a steady increase in gang
violence for about a decade now it's slowly been growing they say Portland's
shootings will be much higher this year in 2020 so we've got some bad
neighborhoods even though it really never makes the news any place outside
of Portland number three face tattoos tattoos have always been a big thing in
Portland there's a line in a song from the first episode that TV show
Portlandia that says the ink never runs dry in Portland it's very fitting for
this city now I have my fair share of ink I'm not bashing tattoos just where
people are getting them there has been this growing trend of suburban kids
getting face and neck tattoos around port
something that's always been reserved for the incarcerated types let's say
besides the blow of face tattoo is going to give your possible lifetime income
it's a trend it's a permanent trend for the person getting the face or neck
tattoo that they can't hide in a job interview when they're 35 now I
understand it shouldn't matter to a possible employer that you have a face
or neck tattoo I also wish unicorns were real you might be able to get it lasered
off when you're 40 but it's still gonna leave a mark like I said it's a trend
like the arm band I got in the 1990s it was cool at the time but it turned lame
about the time y2k was a flop and how many 45 year old girls are still digging
the tramp stamp they got in 1993 so if you moved to Portland be prepared for
the occasional face and neck tattoo on a blonde girl whose parents normally call
her muffin number 2 the nuclear college kids Reed College in Portland has a
nuclear reactor I'm not kidding you heard me right they have a nuclear
reactor you have a bunch of college kids that are able to buy weed legally with a
nuclear reactor the Reed College reactor is a trigger mark one reactor at the
bottom of a 25 foot deep tank the reactor is surrounded by graphite rings
which minimize the Neutron leakage by reflecting neutrons back into the core
you know what that means nothing to me all I know is you have a bunch of kids
that have access to drugs alcohol and a nuclear reactor what could go wrong I'm
sure it'll be fine and number one offended for attention
now I understand the world sucks sometimes life is a rough sport there's
injustice racism sexism homophobia transphobia pretzel pop-tarts age
discrimination fat shaming slut-shaming and the list goes on there are a million
things that we could do without and we really should try and get these things
out of our lives when they really happen there's this thing I noticed in Portland
a few years back and I'm sure is moved on to other places too it's where people
search for something to be offended by so they could post it on social media or
tell people about it being offended is like how people get attention and gain
some sort of online street cred just by being offended one of my favorite things
is called micro racism now there's a whole bunch but this one kind of cracks
me up let me explain if you're talking to someone at work about things you did
when let's say you were kid and you say something like well where did you
up and they happen to be let's say Asian or Hispanic
that's micro racism you can't ask him where they came from and you've just
wounded them so deeply that they have to go post it on Facebook or send out a
tweet it's really not about you asking where they're from they probably would
be more than happy to share that with you but what makes them even more happy
is the attention they get for being offended for having a cause they feel
like they're an intellectual they feel like people are on their side and they
like people telling them it's going to be okay welcome to Portland being
offended is not a skill all right that's my video I hope you guys enjoyed it hope
you got some information out of it if you like what I do here give the video
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share my stuff on your social media tell people how I offended you everybody have
a great day be nice to each other
you