Dear SBS Viceland.
I’m an Australian and I’m a real Ninja.
I auditioned to be in 'Australian Ninja Warrior'
but I was not accepted.
I am not an acrobat.
I’m not an Olympic athlete,
or a cross fit expert.
But I am a Ninja.
And my name is Andrew Wong.
Konichiwa
Andrew. How are you doing?
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
I got your email. Thanks for sending it through.
Since age 15 I've been studying modern day Ninjitsu
Woah, dude.
I am one of the foremost best experts
in modern day Ninjutsu.
I have read all of the Ninja manuals.
I was born in Bundaberg, but currently
I'm living in the Gold Coast.
Just like a lot of young boys growing up in the 1980s,
I saw a lot of ninja movies and TV shows.
When you think of a Ninja you think of the Ninja
using smoke bombs to disappear in a flash of smoke.
Those images of the Ninja
was all invented by Hollywood.
If one wants to become a true ninja, you really have to
go to Japan and study Ninjitsu
from a Japanese Ninja Master.
The three most important characteristics of becoming
a good ninja is the ability to speak well,
to have a high level of intelligence and
also to have a good memory
Good memory?
Yes.
Would you remember my email address?
Your email address is marty@sbs.com.au
That's an easy one.
What about my mobile number?
Your mobile number is 0423 902 6-- BLEEEP
And also another thing is today you arrived at my house
at 10:23am in a 4-wheel drive and the license
plate number is CL5V8S.
Why do you remember that?
I like to challenge myself as a ninja.
My Ninja skills came in most handy when I was
a security guard at the Gold Coast Casino.
I helped to apprehend a wanted criminal that was
wanted by the Queensland Police for...
in a murder investigation.
I had to put them in a wrist lock and then escort them
to the police.
Here are some of the uniforms and the weapons
and the books which I have collected over the years.
It looks like a staff, however it’s a special modern day
ninja staff.
This can be worn around my neck.
This may look like a walking stick...
This is just a flute.
You stick your poison needle in here. Blow into it
and it hits your opponent and kills them.
Block. Wack in the eyes.
Under the groin.
And if you’re caught with this, you can simply say,
well, this is my bike chain.
You could simply that your broom stick broke at
home and I’m simply carrying this as a replacement.
Hidden inside are ninja spikes.
Sweet.
That is incorrect.
My body weight at the moment is 72 kilograms .
And when you can bench press your bodyweight
a hundred times when you punch someone you can kill
them in one blow.
So if you were to punch a man, what would happen?
I would still be able to kill them.
And punch.
And strike.
None of my girlfriends were ever aware of my Ninja capabilities.
But I'm sure that there are some women in the world
who find the fact that a person is
a ninja expert to be attractive
but I've not met such a woman yet.
These weapons here are illegal in Australia.
I can improvise by using a fidget spinner.
This is a children’s toy.
Take out your fidget spinner
throw it straight in their eye and it hits
their eye, blinds them and you can run away.
Yeah, I guess that does hurt.
There’s a saying that peace is brought about by the
person who carries the bigger stick.
So when you have the skills of a ninja,
whereby you can fight back
not only physically, but mentally through words.
Find a talent.
Find a skill. Find a hobby.
Something that you're interested in. Passionate about.
And then when you gain confidence in your self
as a person, you can stand up to bullies
or thugs or anyone that tries to put you down.
Nin. Jits. Zhu. Zen.
Are you ready for battle?
Yes.
Ow. Ow. I think you---
Owww.
How do I get out of this?
With great difficulty.