Hi, I'm Jeff Ross, the roast master general,
we're about to play, who's getting roasted?
The game is very simple.
We'll review some of the best burns from roast pass
and I'm going to guess who the fuck it was about.
After each guess, we'll watch the clip,
reveal the answer and relive
some of the greatest moments in roast history.
Here we go. Pete Davidson said in a roast,
blank is so old her first period was the Renaissance.
Pete Davidson must've said that about Martha Stewart
at the roast of Justin Bieber. Am I right?
Martha's so old her first period was the Renaissance.
I think this was Pete's first roast.
Like I thought maybe he'd be sensitive,
but the fact was he was ruthless.
It's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick.
I vaguely remember this.
Nick Kroll once said, quick reminder
that if at any point tonight blank fully opens his eyes,
there will be six more weeks of summer.
This is Nick Kroll.
Must have been the roast of James Franco.
Quick reminder that if at any point tonight
James fully opens his eyes,
there will be six more weeks of summer.
I love the James Franco roast because all his friends came out
and they're like true actors like actory actors.
Bill Hader came out as like Mr show business or something.
That was really original.
I love when people try something totally unique in a roast.
Jeff Ross, hi, I'm Hollywood. We haven't met before.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, this is a good one. Nikki Glaser said in a roast,
blank looks to me like a marionette became a boy
and then that boy became an asshole.
That's good.
Nikki said that about Jimmy Carr at the roast of Rob Lowe.
I remember that.
Ed looks to me like if a marionette became a boy
and then that boy became an asshole.
Right?
Oh, I was wrong about that one. Okay.
I guess it works for Ed Norton too, interchangeable.
Good one, Nikki. At a roast, Demi Moore once said,
I look at our marriage like, The Sixth Sense.
You were dead the whole time. That was a great moment.
When Demi Moore came out at Bruce Willis' roast.
I just look at our marriage like,
The Sixth Sense. You were dead the whole time.
Now, I was surprised. I had no idea she was there.
Surprise!
Oh well, you know, I got to know
Bruce Willis and as a Jersey guy,
that was a big deal.
Like I always loved Bruce Willis.
He's a cool guy. He's a rocker.
He called me all through the process
of preparing for the roast.
He would call me and remind me like of things
to make fun of him about and he's like,
I'm dyslexic. You better mention that.
Like he really wanted me to not hold back.
He said if I held back he would look bad.
He wouldn't seem like the tough guy people think he is.
So he really wanted me to rip into him hard
and probably one of the best sports of all time,
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis wants an Oscar so fucking bad,
he's slowly morphing into one.
Joan Rivers once said in a roast,
You are a thief. You stole my act,
you stole my gaze and you stole the face of the Burger
King. I love Joan Rivers.
I guess she probably said that about Kathy Griffin
who was the roast master that night and was amazing.
Kathy Griffin.
You know what you are darling? You are a thief.
Yes, you stole my act,
you stole my gaze and you stole the face of the Burger
King. I am not happy with this.
Joan Rivers went up at the end
and had the best set of the night.
She schooled everybody. Joan Rivers, unroastable.
All right, here's a good one. Amy Schumer, who I love,
she said at a roast, blank, you get a bad rap,
but you're just like Bruce Willis.
You know you were big in the eighties
and now your old slots being filled with Ashton Kutcher.
I don't even know who Amy, she said that about,
but that's a good joke.
But no, I mean, Charlie, you get a bad rap,
but you're just like Bruce Willis.
You know you were big in the eighties
and now your old slots being filled with Ashton Kutcher.
So good. So good. The roast of Charlie Sheen,
I mean that was the first truly rock
and roll over the top roast,
I think. Mike Tyson, Steve-O. I dressed like Gathafi
because I was surrounded by all these maniacs.
I wanted to fit in. This is hard.
How do you roast a meltdown? That whole roast stands out.
It's just something really special.
It wasn't just a celebrity roast of Charlie Sheen.
It was a comedic intervention.
Also, another guy who was such a good sport
when the roast aired a week or two later,
he invited all the roasters up to his mansion
to watch it with him. So shout out to Charlie Sheen.
It's true.
I've hung around with a lot of shady people over the years.
Losers, drug addicts, dealers, desperate whores.
But to have you all here on one night is really special.
All right, here's another one and I said once,
you are the King Joffrey of pop. Well come on.
Even a stoner like me remembers, I said that about the Biebs.
You've become a cocky little shit.
You are the King Joffrey of pop.
I didn't think that joke was going to work that well,
but I did it right in the beginning
and Game of Thrones was like the number one show.
King Joffrey had just gotten killed in the red wedding
or whatever it was called. So it was the perfect joke
for the perfect time for the perfect guy.
The best part about taking Justin from behind
is that you can shave half his head
and pretend it's Miley Cyrus. I'm a method roaster.
You know, as soon as I find out I'm roasting someone,
I hang up pictures of them all over my house.
Right now I have an Alec Baldwin key chain on my keys.
I go full roast mode.
I watch their movies, I read their books,
I listen to their music, their podcast, whatever.
So that I roast as an expert, as a super fan. At a roast,
Peyton Manning, the great football player once said,
the only thing you're consistently on is Twitter,
which was surprising cause you've never been able
to master one character, let alone 140 that's good.
Peyton Manning, one of my favorite comedians of all time,
Peyton Manning must've said that about Robert.
The only thing you're consistently on is Twitter,
which is surprising
because you've never been able to master one character,
let alone 140. That's good. Peyton
Manning, one of my favorite comedians of all time.
Peyton Manning must have said that about Rob Lowe.
The only thing you're consistently on is Twitter,
which is surprising
because you've never been able to master one character,
let alone 140.
When we're putting these datasets
together it's fun to have,
not just great comics and great roasters,
but you need great targets. You need some meat,
you need somebody to make fun of.
So it's fun bringing in non comic celebrities
and they always score because they have the best writers,
the best jokes and you already know their character.
So as soon as they put it out there
or do a flip on their character,
suddenly you hear Martha Stewart talking dirty.
Ludacris, you have three kids with three different women.
May I suggest pulling out some time and finishing on some fine,
highly absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens.
So it's fun. It's fun bringing on the civilians
who are actually big stars.
Snoop Dogg once said, blank says he wants to run for president
and move into the white house.
Why not? It wouldn't be the first time
he pushed a black family out of their home.
You can look this one up in the Library of Congress.
Donald says he wants to run for president
and move on into the white house.
Why not? It wouldn't be the first time
you pushed a black family out of their home.
Suddenly I feel complicit in the whole thing.
Donald Trump is such an egomaniac,
he makes Hitler seem like
he wasn't completely sure how he felt about Jewish people.
All right, well here's one from the late great,
Greg Giraldo,
you're an old man who dresses like a Hooters waitress.
And he must've said that I'm guessing about Hulk
Hogan, right?
You're an old man who dresses like a Hooters waitress.
Keep your shirt on, bitch tits. You're 80.
You had a reality show called, Hogan Knows Best.
It should have been called, Hogan grows breasts.
Greg had a great delivery. He was a funny roaster,
but just a funny, funny comic. A great mind.
I mean, that guy was funny right from the beginning.
Even when he was just starting out,
you knew he was a special guy.
He didn't say anything just to get a laugh.
He was really thoughtful. He made a case.
He was an attorney by trade and he left all that.
He evolved from an attorney into a comedian.
So here's a very, very special guy.
That's a good fucking joke, everybody.
It's what we call roasting.
Roast in peace, Greg Giraldo. All right.
Now it's time for the, Roastmaster Lightning
Round. Let's relive some of the most vicious burns
I've ever received
and see if I can guess who said them? Jeff,
you look like someone puts Seth Rogan in the microwave.
Fuck you whoever that was.
What's happening to you, Jeff?
You look like someone put Seth Rogan in the microwave.
Pete Davidson said that about me?
Has Pete Davidson ever looked in the mirror?
He looks like a frog fucked a carrot.
Here's another one somebody said about me,
he didn't even want to be here.
He was just stuck in his chair from the Justin Bieber roast.
I resent that. It's kind of true.
My buddy Jeff, he didn't even want to be here.
He's just still stuck in his chair from the Bieber roast.
David Spade said that? I'll give him that one.
Jeff, during your performance I wish I bit my own ears off.
Mike Tyson.
Now only when I'm next to somebody whose face
is grotesque as yours, they throw in the fucking towel,
man. You're a mess, man. During your performance
I wish I bit my own ears off, you know? You fucking suck man.
Thank you for that, Mike. That's a good one.
Classic joke that only he can tell about me.
James Franco, I loved, Spring Breakers.
Spring breaker is actually the name we gave
Jeff Ross for when he sits on a bed.
Because I break the springs because I'm fat? Who said that?
James, I loved, Spring Breakers. Spring breaker
is actually the nickname we gave Jeff Ross when he sits on a bed.
Sarah Silverman said it? All right.
Well, she's like my sister,
so I'll let her get away with it.
Can we keep it down? I'm trying to bomb over here.
Jeff Ross is a legend. His funniness is a legend,
but when I say legend, I mean a myth.
Patrice O'Neal,
one of the funniest mother fuckers ever to do the roast.
Jeff Ross is a legend. His funniness is a legend,
but when I say legend, I mean a myth.
Like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot.
We all believe they exist, but who really ever saw it?
Patrice O'Neal closes the Charlie Sheen roast.
Epic, classic roast set for the ages.
He stood up, he still survived
and he proved that nobody can keep like a Sheen down.
You know? They can keep Estevez down because his brother...
And he's the good one.
That mother fucker does everything right,
and that [inaudible] career is over. Holy shit.
Thanks for watching.
I really enjoyed this little walk down roast memory lane.
And while you're here,
be sure to subscribe to the comedy central channel.
It's like porn for people who like to laugh.