I'm gonna let you know what it is in this video,
so, stay tuned.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author and a narcissist negotiation expert,
so, if you want real tips, and tricks on how to actually
get the edge over the narcissists, in any kind of
communication, or negotiation, or dealing with them,
then make sure you subscribe to my channel and
then you'll get notified when I upload new videos.
Let's talk about that one thing narcissists never want you to know.
So think about it, they live their lives,
almost everything they do is a lie, right?
I mean, they were born, they were fine, and
from what I understand,
it's definitely a nurture thing, not a nature.
Yes. Not a nature thing, a nurture thing.
That means that something happened to them
when they were children
that caused them to be injured in some way, and
they started to see the world as a very scary place and
their scarcity mentality to the absolute extreme,
They feel like it's like Doggy Dogg,
I have to survive and the only way I can survive
is by lying, manipulating, and getting things.
That's why they end up lying about stuff that
they don't even need to lie about, and manipulating things
when they don't even need to be manipulating.
But it's just because that's their way of being.
That's how they were born, so they were traumatized,
they felt like they needed to survive and
so they have this like, this little inner self
that’s super fragile, that has no sense of self worth, and
they just layer on everything on the outside world
to make you think, or make the whole world think
that they're this persona, when they're actually this persona.
They're almost like two different versions of themselves.
People who are fully self-present,
fully self-aware,
fully feeling whole and complete,
don't feel like they're different people when
they are between,
being at home watching TV, having dinner with your family
or whatever it is that they're doing behind closed doors,
versus, the person
that is shown to the world, that goes out,
that works in the workplace, that talks to people.
With narcissists,
it's almost two different personas as to what they show
There's even another layer beyond what's at home
which is, what they never want anyone to know.
Which is, that deep thing that's going on inside of them.
I mean, there's a lot of secrets that they have, and
there are a lot of things that they don't want you to know.
What they want you to think is
That's why they act the way they do.
That's why they put people down all the time.
That's why they're super jealous.
They use people.
But, all of that is because that's how they feel like
they have to show up and be in the world, and
so to maintain the facade of that
they're better than everyone else,
smarter than everyone else and
have more money, have a nicer house, or whatever it is
that they're trying to project out into the world,
they'll do whatever they can to protect that and
especially things about how they look in the world.
That's why, when you're negotiating with them,
you have to be very, very, very aware
that this is what's happening with them,
because they will protect that at any cost,
at the very least, put people down,
engage in control tactics, they're jealous, and
they have no boundaries and all that.
But, when it comes to negotiating,
your either for them or against them, and
if you're going to be against them,
then you're going to be public enemy number one.
They have to see things in black and white,
that's what's going on during the negotiations,
they're constantly trying to test people a lot of times too, and
if you want to know more about that,
you should definitely check out my video
on “How narcissists test victims”, and
if you have seen this, and you know that I'm right so far
All right, are you ready for the big secret?
The one that they definitely don’t want you to know.
That is that little self that they have,
that little fragile thing that lives inside of them
is extremely afraid.
They are super fear-based people and
they are afraid of everything.
They're afraid of being exposed,
number one, more than anything,
they're afraid that you're going to leave them.
That's also a paradox, because they treat you terrible and
then they don't want you to leave them,
or they're actually extremely codependent.
One of their biggest fears is of abandonment, actually.
So, the BIG secret is
They’re super afraid of being exposed for
the fraud that they are, and they
will go to any lengths to protect that.
So, when you're going to negotiate with them,
that's what you have to remember,
you have to keep all of these things in mind,
because you're going to have to kind of
keep their ego in check to a certain extent.
But also, make them feel like
they are potentially going to be exposed,
that something might be happening to them, and
so when you're building your strategy and
you’re building your leverage,
it's really important to understand, and
anticipate what it is that they're going to do,
what's motivating them, how are they going to
behave during the negotiations, because then
you can build a strategy, and leverage, such that
you'll be able to motivate them, and incentivize them
into wanting to have a conversation with you.
Don't think they're going to change,
don't think that you're going to be able
to get them to see the error of their ways, and,
“Oh, my gosh, I can't believe how I treated you”
or how this happened, or whatever
because they’re not going to do that and
the reason why they have a hard time apologizing,
or they have a hard time admitting that they're wrong
or that they're responsible, or giving anybody credit for anything
is because they have such a fragile sense of self.
It's almost like, if I do that,
then I will crumble, then there won't be enough for me,
they're almost like glass, or something,
that's been very carefully and meticulously protected and
they don't want to be exposed.
So, that's the biggest secret of all and
that is that you are actually the stronger one.
They are way more afraid of you,
than you are of them and, there are a lot of ways that
you can build a strategy and leverage around that
so that you can walk away with getting what you want and
they also feel in touch.
More than anything, you need to feel
valued, honored and respected and setting yourself up,
so that no one and nothing can ever infringe on that.
On that note, I'm going to offer you
my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com,
I also want to offer you to come join
my free private Facebook group, “Narcissist Negotiators”.
If you like this video,
give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment,
tell me, “For sure”.
You know you've seen this, you know it's there,
but don't feel sorry for them.
That's not going to help you either, all right?
If you haven't subscribed to this channel,
make sure you do that now,
subscribe, hit that notification bell.
I want to see you sticking around here.
I want you to be the most persuasive person
in the room, and I want to help you do that.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video!