As you all know, I am on social media sites--
all of them-- the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat,
TikTok, Doodad, Hoo-ha, MeMa--
all of them.
And I came across an Instagram account that made me laugh.
It's called Dude With a Sign.
What it is is it's a dude with a sign.
And I don't if you've seen this before,
but he stands on street corners and he holds protesting signs.
But their protest signs that we all agree with, like--
this is one of them--
stop replying to all company-wide emails--
so true.
And here's another one--
yes, Netflix, I am still watching.
Here's another one-- stop standing up
when the plane lands.
Yes, I know.
[CHEERS]
How weird.
I was just talking about how much I enjoy you.
Oh-- that's amazing.
You had that ready to go.
Since you're here and millions of people are watching,
is there anything you want to get off your chest?
Stop saying no offense before saying something offensive.
[APPLAUSE]
That is true.
People do that.
They say, no offense, and then they go and--
anything else?
Yes, grandma, I'm still single.
[CHEERS]
All right, anything else?
Cardboard is heavier than you think.
Yeah.
Well, you've got a lot of there, so it makes it extra heavy.
Sure.
What else?
Oh, I see.
You know, it's a matter of time before--
[CHEERS]
Absolutely.
Of course, you can have some free Ellen underwear.
Sure, you can have a hoodie as well.
Yeah.
Wow, you really are kind and your eyes are so pretty.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Yours are too, I'm guessing.
I bet they are, though.
Thanks for being here.
I enjoyed talking to you.
Can I ask you a question?
You don't have to ask people if you can ask them a question.
Just-- I see.
It's a waste of time, because the question is going to--
OK-- can you end this monologue for me?
He did it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHEERS]
Hi, tWitch.
Hi, Ellen.
Hi.
This is awesome.
I told you yesterday that we would--
here's the thing-- we decided it was ridiculous
that he's sitting in a DJ booth and he's not a DJ.
Right, right.
And the equipment was never plugged into anything.
There was no reason that he was with DJ equipment that
was unplugged, so we said, let's do something different,
and that's what we did.
Do you like it?
I like it a lot, yeah.
It's like ultimate Christmas.
Yeah.
I got to come out and dance, and then
just came out to a train set.
Right.
I got a little whistle black here.
Yeah.
Whistle if you like it.
Whistle once if you like it.
OK.
I know you love hats, so I got you a hat for the theme
to go with that.
Cool.
[APPLAUSE]
There you go.
Like a little funky conductor.
You are a little funky conductor.
It'll be something different every day.
It's not going to stay a train set.
Oh, it won't stay--
well, that's exciting, but I like this one today.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It's a little noisy.
Yeah.
We'll probably turn it off at some point,
but that's my gift to you.
And now, start thinking for a gift for me,
because my birthday is right around the corner.
Yes, it is.
[CHEERS]
Thank you.
Starbucks Rewards program is giving my viewers
a chance to sit in my Skybox for my birthday show.
All you have to do is use the app
to surprise a stranger in line at Starbucks,
and upload a picture or a video and send it to ellentube.
Make sure it's creative, because if I like your video,
I might pick you.
And my Skybox is--
it's much like a real Starbucks as possible.
What I'm doing now-- we need a barista up there,
so I got a barista.
She's there now, and we need some customers.
Let's see if we have customers coming in.
Oh, they're just there for the restroom.
They just need the bathroom.
All right.
Oh, there's that guy--
always one guy fully dressed in spandex,
even though he hasn't been on a bike in years--
doesn't even own a bike.
And then there's this woman.
She's been coming that Starbucks for 17 years--
still doesn't know what to order.
So she just stands there trying to figure it out.
She doesn't know.
All right.
Of course, the barista will yell out
names, whenever drinks are ready.
Wendy, Wendy--
The name's Wanda.
[CHEERS]
It's Wanda.
And that's not even how you spell Wendy.